Haruto: Interlude

It was middle school, third year. At that time, I wasn't in the best space, I had to admit. I was a textbook loser. 

Round and pork-bellied, heck,  my stomach even hung over my waistline. I wore round, tacky glasses that made me look nothing short of 'weird.' Sat here now, even I can admit that.

I'll skip the boring stuff, but what you need to know is this:

I hated my life. 

Not in the edgy school boy loser kinda way, no. I truly hated myself.

"Ew, you got asked out by Nakamura-kun, that guy is as bad as they come!"

"I know, right, I let him off gently, but I seriously threw up inside." 

These are just a fraction of what I had to deal with. At the time, they hurt like hell. It was like I was being judged for merely existing.

Then again, I probably was.

I was nice to almost everyone, never caused a scene, always lent my shoulder out in a time of need, yet they still hated me.

Why is that? No matter how kind I was, it would always be me getting the fingers pointed at, me who was the butt of every joke... me. 

Believe me, I know how this must sound, but I'm telling you, this is no exaggeration.

It's nothing more than an average day in my past life. 

That's when everything for me changed. The day I met Yamada Shuchin, he was quiet and reserved, unlike most people. He often opted to play by himself whenever he could. 

The squeaky sound the floor made when you pivoted your feet. The smell of the musty air, we all know what I'm on about, right?

That's where I met him. 

It was after school. I don't remember what I was there for, but I stayed for a while after the last bell rang.  

I used to head to the gymnasium to tidy up after the sports clubs. I guess it made me feel needed.

Shuchin-kun had been there; the ball would trace an arc, hit the backboard, and score, over and over again. 

From what I remember, I stepped forward, going to do my self-inflicted duty of putting the sports equipment away. 

"Hey Nakamura-kun catch!" Shuchin-kun threw the ball to me. My eyes had widened.

"Wha-"

"Let's play 1 on 1!"  I still remember the smile he wore when he said that; it was an open-beaming smile, one that would definitely capture the hearts of many. 

We played, and as you could probably tell, I lost pretty badly. By the end, it was 21-0. 

A crushing defeat for me. 

But I didn't care about how badly I lost, far from it. It was just nice to have someone talk to me for once, y'know?

I'm sure he felt the same. 

After that, it became a routine, and I would wait after school, go to the gym, and he'd be there. 

Fast forward a few months, and we had become quite good friends, even eating with each other on the rooftop. I miss those days. 

This might sound cringy, but hear me out. It was like we were an unstoppable force, one that covered for the others' weaknesses.  He for my lack of strength and I for his lack of brains.

We even started hanging out outside of school. We would go to the local arcade or the batting cages, and we even tried karaoke a few times as well.

It felt as if we would carry this on when we entered high school, but that's when things changed. 

Like many sporty people, he often had his fair share of love letters and whatnot, the typical stuff for someone in his field.

It was in light of that that he found a girlfriend.

Her name? I can't say I remember it. But she changed him. 

He would talk to me less, be less open. Just more distant.

This was my first time experiencing that, the feeling of losing someone close. So, as you can probably tell, it deeply affected me. 

I would see less of him, sometimes for days at a time. Then, when I did see him, he was always with her.

The things he used to tell me, he told her.

Our inside jokes became their inside jokes.

It felt as if I was getting forced out of the loop, and that feeling didn't sit right with me. So I acted out. 

Looking back now, it was wrong, but I had no prior experience to latch onto.

So my raw, unfiltered emotions came through.

                                                                                    ***

It was the day of our middle school graduation, and it was pretty much as you expected. 

The principal would make his BS speech, which no one cared about, acting as if they cared about the future.

At this time, Shuchin-kun and I largely grew apart. Now, I get it, people do grow apart. That's one of life's many wonders.

But I couldn't let him go without saying anything. I had to ask him why he had ditched me, cast me aside.

After the ceremony, we were all free to leave, and a few tears were shed by some students. 

Those who were going to different high schools, especially.

That's when I asked him. 

I had seen him and his girlfriend through the crowd, so I rushed over.

I grabbed his shoulder, bent down. I stood there catching my breath.

"Why... why did we drift apart?" That last part came out in breaths. 

He turned, his cold gaze looked me up and down. 

It was suffocating. 

I'll never forget the words he said next. They were sharp and jagged, and they hurt like hell.

"You really think I ever liked you, Nakamura-kun? You're a total loser." 

Yeah, pretty bad, huh. 

After he said that, I never saw him again. Even when I found out that we went to the same high school, I refused to make eye contact with him. 

Was all that time we spent with each other all just a sick game to him?

I guess it always was...