Chapter 13

“This sucks!”

Kenji ignored Amaya’s cries from the kitchen. Some participants from yesterday hung around today just to see her suffer.

“So… we just wait here and do nothing?”

“Yep. That’ll teach her not to run her mouth.”

Despite her trash talk, Amaya failed to score a single point. Kenji came in second at four, just narrowly missing the win. He had been wondering what kind of request Tsukiko would make to him, but she said she wanted to keep it. It made him feel a bit unsettled. He would rather she get things over with.

“By the way… Kenji…”

“Yes?”

“Tsukiko, come help me!”

“But…”

“Please!” Amaya shouted from the kitchen, causing the people hanging around to laugh.

Tsukiko rolled her eyes. “Fine…”

Right as she was about to head to the kitchen, Kenji walked in front of her and blocked the doorway.

“Let her be, or else she'll never understand.”

“Brother, you're evil!”

“Anyway, you were saying?”

Tsukiko leaned her head to the side, trying to catch a glimpse of Amaya. Amaya heaved a sigh and turned around, saying nothing else.

“So… Do you want to come with me for a walk outside? Oh, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m not using my wish.”

For a moment, Kenji felt disappointed. He thought he would really get off easy.

“Will you two at least wait until I’m finished!?” Amaya cried out, prompting laughs from the others. Kenji decided to heed his sister’s requests.

•••

“So, is there anything you want to talk about?”

Kenji assumed she wanted to talk about something private. Why else would she ask him to come all the way here?

Tsukiko walked in front of him. The last time they went to the beach, Tsukiko made the mistake of wearing her shoes, which got sand in them. It was a pain to clean, hence why she chose flip-flops this time.

“It’s just… I realized I never actually thanked you.”

“For what?”

“For rescuing me.”

The memory returned to his mind. More than half a month ago, Tsukiko washed up on the beach.

“It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing,” Tsukiko said. “Granted, it’s not an uninhabited island… and I still had my memories… but that didn’t change the fact that you rescued me. I don’t know what would have happened to me had you not come to my aid.”

Kenji running into her was entirely coincidental. His sister asked him to pick something up at the cafe, as she wanted to work on some documents. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the crash.

“I…”

It’s not me who has been helping you.

Someone else would have rescued her had he not. But had Tsukiko not come out to help in Starbeach, things would be very different. Things felt more fun ever since that day. Much more enjoyable. As if Kenji traveled to the past, when things were simpler. 

“Oh… Don’t worry about it. Like, seriously. You ended up being a huge help.”

She made these three weeks way easier than they should have been. He couldn’t remember when running the two businesses was this easy. All thanks to Tsukiko.

“You… really remind me of back during my apprenticeship with your grandfather.”

“How come?” She tilted her head.

What an adorable gesture. Tsukiko had always been a cute girl, but now that she had grown up, she seemed mature at the same time. It made Kenji wonder, just what was high-school Tsukiko like? What kinds of topics would she talk about? Which club did she join? What was her after-school schedule like? Had he been there, would they have walked home together? Maybe stop by a cafe to chat, or maybe they would help each other with homework. School festivals, sports festivals, trips, all of that together.

A whole lot of things he missed out on. The thought pained his heart. If only they stayed together. If only they had remained next to each other. 

If only...

But… will we still be close in the first place?

“Kenji?”

“Ah, nothing. It’s just… your grandfather used to tell me how much someone else could alleviate your struggles.”

“I think he’s talking about my grandmother.” Tsukiko giggled. “They were inseparable.”

Gosh, even her giggling is adorable.

Kenji wanted to hug her, but they were no longer kids. Doing something like that out of the blue would be weird. 

Even back then... Tsukiko was the one who liked to hug me...

She used to call him soft. He was a bit plumper back then. Kenji lightly patted his cheeks, telling his mind to return to the conversation. 

He witnessed their love with his own eyes. When the two spent their night working on something, she would often pop up with some snacks or a drink. During summer, Tsukiko would invite him to her home for watermelon and ice cream, while warm soup and chocolate milk occupied the table during the coldest winters. They considered Kenji part of their family, even before Kenji became an apprentice.

“My grandfather told me to find someone, and not to force myself just because I can.”

He had told Kenji something similar. He often recalled the tale when he was a young, strong man. Tsukiko’s grandfather did everything he could on his own, just because he could. He tired himself often and got sick. He met her in a hospital, as she was the nurse who took care of him.

“Quite a sweet story, isn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“He actually opposed me going to the big city.”

Kenji lifted his eyebrow. “Why?”

“Well, he saw what happened to my father.”

Kenji rarely, if ever, saw Tsukiko’s parents around. Kenji knew that Tsukiko’s father went on business trips often, but he rarely saw her mother, either.

“He thought both of my parents were very busy. Guess he didn’t want me to struggle as much.” Tsukiko stopped and looked at the ocean. 

The skies were clear that night, and Kenji could make out Tsukiko’s expression, her skin reflecting the moonlight. Before he could figure out what she thought about, she turned her face elsewhere, continuing along the beach.

“We debated my decision a lot. Eventually, I made a promise, and he receded.”

“... What did you promise him?”

“I promised to come back often… a promise I didn’t keep.”

During the first year after she moved away, Tsukiko would come back to the island once every month. But the frequency lessened as time went on. It turned from once every month to once every two months, then to once every four months. Eventually, she came back only during major holidays. This was the first time she returned after her grandfather died two years ago.

“And… I guess he did have a point. I… wasn’t ready to face the people over there. Some were nice, but a lot of them… could be really scary.”

Kenji held her breath. Darkness loomed over her face as she recalled painful memories. Kenji wanted to tell her to stop, that she didn’t need to remember them.

But he couldn’t.

“I… I told them that was a bad idea… The project had no chance… But, they didn’t listen to me…” Tsukiko clenched her fist. “No, they refused to listen to me…”

“Tsukiko…”

“And it’s my fault everything comes crashing down?”

Kenji tensed up. “So- Sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” Tsukiko waved her hand. She looked back at Kenji with a smile on her face. Just a mask struggling to hide her true feelings. Had it been someone else, they would have been tricked. 

Not that it mattered. Unlike Kenji, they knew what to say if they noticed. 

“I mean, it’s my choice, remember?” she said, voice hoarse.

“I…”

I haven’t changed since then.

He couldn’t push what he wanted to say out of his throat, and he could only stand there, staring silently at her figure above the sand.

“Well, what’s past is past. There’s no use regretting things we couldn’t change. Although… Guess I do wonder what would have happened had I made better choices.”

What would Tsukiko’s life be like had Kenji said what he wanted to say? What would Amaya’s life be like had Kenji said what he needed to say? He was gifted with hindsight. He could have warned them if he believed they were walking into difficult paths. Maybe they would listen, maybe they wouldn’t, but they were never given such a choice in the first place.

All because he couldn’t push the words out. All because he cowered at the moment when he needed to say something.

All because he was silent.

She… told us when we were about to make a mistake.

When Kenji and Tsukiko’s grandfather were about to make a risky purchase, Tsukiko’s grandmother warned them about it. They reconsidered and later learned they had made the correct choice. Tsukiko’s grandmother said what she wanted to say, and that saved the two of them. If Kenji had her courage, would none of their suffering have happened in the first place?

“Sorry, I brought the mood down, didn’t I?”

Kenji hadn’t seen any tears, yet she wiped her eyes.

“Let’s head back.”