The Types of Anime-like Situations That…

…Occur at the Onsen!
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Our story begins with an unassuming question…

“Oi. Red. You just finished your fight with Enyx, right?”

…asked by the most intimidating and least talkative of people.

▓

Taken aback by this unexpected question, Red hesitated to answer.

Rush never normally talked to him, and even when he did, his voice always carried an aggressive, harsh tone, one in which Red was never sure if it was reserved solely just for him or not.

Regardless of the truth, however, Rush’s perpetual glare also made it incredibly difficult for Red, most of the Prism Ring staff, and even some of the fighters themselves to even consider the idea of approaching him.

How the hell do Hikari and Heidi smile, let alone hold a conversation with this guy?, wondered Red, his thoughts sidetracking him from the current issue at hand.

Speaking of which, Red realized he had little more than two seconds to come up with a response, as Rush had asked his question while walking up to him.

“Uh, y-y-yeah…? D-Did you— um— need something?”

“No, not exactly. I’m just here to remind you that we’re closing the Ring soon. In case you forgot, which I totally bet you did,” chided Rush, muttering that last part under his breath as he scratched his head, “today’s Maintenance Day. You can thank Mamiko later, but we’ve got to GTFO, like—” he paused, interrupting himself in order to steal a glance at his watch, “shit, like yesterday.”

“Wait…” began Red, stopping Rush dead in his tracks just after he finished turning on his heel, eyeing the end of the corridor where he had just come from. “Who’s Mamiko??”

“…”

“…”

As the delayed wave of realization slowly dawned on him…

“OH! Wait, hold up a sec—is that why we were the only fight scheduled today?”

“Oh my God…”

As Rush rubbed his eyes in indignation, juggling between the options of either pummeling Red to the ground (essentially leaving his inconsequential fate up to the maintenance crew) or simply knocking him unconscious…

“Mamiko, the receptionist? You know, the overly quiet, all-too-nice girl who says hello to literally every​one?”

“…If only you could talk that positively about a certain someo—”

…he ultimately decided to forgo all previously considered kindness—and patience, for that matter—and chose Violent Option #2: a forceful backhand into a nearby steel beam.

▓

“Alright, we’re here. Now get off me,” said Rush apathetically as he coldly flung Red onto the ground below.

“Owwwwwww… You know, you really should work on being nicer.”

No sooner had he finished running his mouth than an intense wave of irritation, mixed with just the tiniest pinch of bloodlust, hit Red square in the face with the force of a semi-truck as an unblinking Rush stared him down with a frenzied, maniacal look.

“What. Was. That?”

“I— uh— I’ll shut up now…” pitifully muttered Red, ironically the one who wielded the anger-conversion niche.

Not even two seconds later…

“Actually, wait. Let me take that back…” hypocritically began Red, master of being unable to keep his mouth shut, as he realized, while getting up, that he was no longer in the Prism Ring—the last place he remembered being before losing consciousness.

As he looked around at wherever Rush had “kindly” dropped him off, his eyes locked on to the eerily familiar iconography of the sign in front of him, remembering something he had seen in an anime once: a circle with three squiggly lines, or rather, a body of water with steam rising out of it.

This could only mean one thing, which prompted Red to ask: “Did you… bring me to a hot spring? Wait, before that—why did you bring me here…? Creep!!”

“How many times must I gotta—”

At the same time that Red, master of never living up to his word, fanned the flames of Rush’s short temper once more, Rush himself began to slowly unveil his anger by first rolling up his sleeves—a signal that caused Red to break out in a panic.

Upon realizing that his life would not be spared a second time, Red deigned to cut the crap—though he’d much rather play off his bad joke in his usual dismissive manner—by inquiring about the aforementioned girl whose face he couldn’t picture at all.

“So, M-Mamiko, right? Y-Y-You said she’s a receptionist? F-For what, the Prism Ring? What’s she like? Actually, m-more important: what’s she look like? I ask ‘cause, it’s rare to hear you talk about other girls; I thought you had your sights set on Hei—OKAY, OKAY!! I’ll stooooooop…” insufferably wailed Red, who, in the middle of all that rambling, seemed to regain his snarky sense of confidence before immediately losing it again.

This sudden change in attitude can only be attributed to Rush and the immediate danger that he presents—not only is he well within arm’s reach to grab Red by the neck and shut him up permanently, but with a Flash Step that rivaled his own converted speed, Red instinctually knew that this was not a fight worth fighting.

With his anxiety through the roof, Rush continued putting the pressure on him by darkening the look in his eyes. Keep talking, or else, is what he seemed to be saying. Not wanting to risk death, Red continued his terrified babbling without a moment’s hesitation.

“Look, I-I’m sorry for not knowing anything about this Mamiko girl. I really should stop taking the back entrance, heh heh…”

Which doesn’t exist, but please, go on, thought Rush, completely expecting more half-baked excuses to come out of Red’s pathetic mouth.

“B-But anyway, c-c-can you really blame me for not knowing who she is? If she’s the receptionist, isn’t she supposed to be, like, really forgettable? As harsh as that may sound (and please, stop creeping closer so you can keep hearing me out), if she were cute and all, that’d be a completely different story; at least in my book. So, again, is it really my fault if I just, you know, do what I do best by hightailing it to the arena to quickly deal with my matches? I’ve got no reason to stay after, right? So why would you expect me to stop, wave, and say hi to someone I don’t even recognize when I’m the one who’s always in a rush? Heh… no pun intended, but you feel me, right? RIGHT?!”

“…………………”

Unable to suppress his annoyance any longer, Rush, coming full-circle, resorted to using the previously unused Violent Option #1 and brutally axe-kicked Red’s head into the ground… or so he would’ve liked.

While the kick itself landed without a hitch, the fact that Red’s head wasn’t stuck in or indented onto the ground indirectly told Rush that he had used his swords to hold himself in place—but that’s about all. He still felt the full force of the impact, and, much to Rush’s surprise, still managed to talk.

“Can you… just explain… why we’re here already…” said Red in between breaths as he fought to stay conscious.

In spite of the circumstances leading up to this predicament (he had unconcernedly gone about his day like any other before this) Red, with what little strength he had left, vainly wished to trade his anger-conversion niche for something more stereotypically convenient and powerful, like clairvoyance or time travel.

If such a world existed where he could ideally wield both, Red would’ve been able to not only foresee the series of unfortunate events that would eventually befall him, but he’d also have more than enough time to come up with the most ironclad alibi—forcing the need to show up to that 3 p.m. fight an impossibility…

“Oh, that. I brought you on a whim to use my ‘Free Plus One Pass’ for the month.”

“How… uncharacteristically… nice… of you…” murmured Red as he finally lost consciousness again.

▓

“Hey! Are you guys done being so loud!? You’re scarin everyone inside!!”

“Takes one to know one…” grumbled Rush as he entered the fancy resort building. “Just tell the usual story: that your “loving grandson” took care of an Untamed, or whatever they’re called. While that last part isn’t inherently untrue…” he paused, looking over his shoulder at Red before continuing, “I just had to put him out of his misery; guy can’t shut up to save his life.”

Looking as if he had more to say, Rush let out an exasperated sigh.

“Anyway,” he continued, “I had originally planned to show him the sights while he was still conscious, but, well, you know the rest. Sorry, ‘Gram-Gram.”

Having said all that he needed to, Rush let out another long-winded breath right as he finished apologizing to his grandmother, an action so rare that everyone would’ve called BS if it had been repeated in verbatim—it was a sight that had to be witnessed to be properly believed.

“Think nothing of it,” was her reply, sharp and snappy. “That a friend of yours?”

♨

The Emerald Retreat and its hot springs.

Under the ownership of Hattie R. Espinoza, this colossal, multi-tiered edifice of a recreation center holds the uncanny ability to consistently fool both adults and children alike as to what its main attraction really is.

Was it the hydroelectric hot spring? The open-air, unisex bath? Or maybe it’s the luxurious post-bath massage chairs that give this place its great renown?

But wait—what about the other popular amenities in the Retreat, such as the unlimited drink bar, or the supposed “never-ending” conveyor belts of food?

Are bowling alleys, billiards, and foosball tables still popular these days?

Or are retro-VR arcades more appealing to the electronic fashions of the world?

As far as the public’s concerned, there is no right or wrong answer…

Hell, did Hattie herself even know…?

In any case, regardless of the truth, Hattie’s unsolicited opinion is as follows: “Who cares! That’ll only ruin the fun!”

Eccentric as she is, Hattie’s ditziness often gets her into some major trouble.

One notable example involves the days leading up to The Emerald Retreat’s grand opening… It all started with the familiar “Hey, I’ve got an idea!” and from there, there was no stopping her.

Seeing as she had the childish urge to pull off the biggest prank imaginable just for the fun of it, Hattie began her sinister scheme by deliberately advertising only the hot springs—all for the sake of leading everyone into a false sense of security.

When the big day finally arrived, Hattie enjoyed bearing witness to everyone’s baffled confusion and amazement, nonchalantly enabling all day-one customers to “go wild!” and do as they pleased.

Despite the terribly risky false advertising stunt, everyone expected Hattie’s business to crash and burn as a result, but she alone held the unique, ironic pleasure of showing off her massive profit—doing so with a smug “Heh!” as she looked down on her non-believers.

Though she prides herself on those looks of awe from customers every time they walk in, Hattie dubbed the day-one phenomenon as “Shock-Factor Real Estate” and proceeded to capitalize on every familiar face—not that Rush ever bothered to take note of such things.

♨

““Friend?” If you say so. I’ve known him long enough,” was Rush’s curt reply.

“I saw the cute girl and one other come by earlier. The tall one with blue hair.”

“Cutie and Mamiko, huh? They sure know a good hang-out spot worth a damn.”

“Damn straight. Now, go. Relax. And take the unbearable loudmouth with you. Also, before you start worrying about paying your part, don’t. It’s on me today.”

I think you mean you’ll take it out on my tab, but I know you’re saying that just to look nice. What kind of grandma are you, charging me like this…

In the middle of mentally reprimanding his money-hungry grandmother, a small, soft smile formed on Rush’s face; the second unrecorded thing he’s done out of character.

“I heard that,” said Hattie with a cunning grin.

Scary… thought Rush as he turned the corner, disappearing from sight.

▓

“Nap time’s over. Wake up,” said Rush as he poured a bucket full of cold water over Red’s soundly sleeping face.

“WAAAAAGH!! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR, MAN!?”

…And with that reaction alone, Rush was able to ascertain the following:

Out of all the possible reactions that Red could’ve had when being woken up in this way, his body—in an effort to save what little of a positive image he may have had at this point—must have unconsciously high-rolled, resulting in this once-in-a-blue-moon lucky break for a guy that always seems to draw the short stick no matter where he goes.

With his expectations in tatters, Rush merely clicked his tongue in dissatisfaction.

“What a letdown,” he said disappointedly. “And here I was, half expecting you to reveal some crazy secret about somebody or something.”

“What in the flying hell is that supposed to mean!? You’re awful!” yelled Red, this time rightly justified in berating Rush for his actions.

“Nothing, forget it. Just ignore me and hurry up.”

“Huh? W-What?!” exclaimed Red as his vision was suddenly obscured by a towel.

Wondering just how truly incompetent Red was (to the point where he had this much trouble reading the room), Rush, in a momentarily lapse of judgment, caught himself wishing for him to have more common sense… a vain wish, indeed, but someone had to be optimistic around here, right?

With their roles reversed for only a second, Rush, taking back his rightful place as the insulter, began chastising Red for his social ineptitude: “I really don’t have to spell this out for you, but I’ll do it just this once: We’re. at. a. hot. spring.

“This. is. the. male. changing. room.

“How the hell are you this slow on the uptake when you literally recognized the sign not too long ago?”

When Red tried to open his mouth and answer—

“No, don’t bother. I’m gonna dip in the bath, so you just catch up whenever.”

Leaving the conversation at that, Rush walked on ahead toward the interconnected shower and indoor bath, making sure to wave—though, in his case, his version of a “wave” turned out to be a peace sign—and smile back at Red before leaving his field of vision; an indirect, sneaky jab at their earlier conversation back at the Prism Ring about Mamiko and sparing the time to say hi, or something—not that he really cared.

Red responded in kind by rolling his eyes, indifferently dismissing Rush’s creepy display of friendliness by categorizing it as nothing more than idle provocation.

The thing he found most odd, though, was the fact that Rush’s eyes were devoid of their usual animosity and focus. This clearly showed that The Emerald Retreat was one of the few places in the world where Rush felt relaxed enough to let his guard down and naturally unwind.

The power of hot springs sure is something else… calmly thought Red as he got changed and leisurely explored the authentic Japanese-style design of the room before finding Rush, who already seemed to be enjoying soaking in the comically large tub that could easily fit a party of five or more.

▓

Rush didn’t strike Red as the type to fully submerge himself in the water, but hey, if all he had to do was keep his closed, relaxed eyes and damp hair within his peripheral vision, then he sure as hell wasn’t about to complain, let alone start criticizing Red for his rather poor bath etiquette; the man could literally do whatever he wanted—so long as he remained on the premises—and Rush was of no opinion to judge.

By the time that Red himself got in, however, Rush had already moved elsewhere to cool himself off; not to leave completely, but to reduce the risk of passing out in the open-air bath.

“Haaagh, I think I’ve had my fill.”

“Oh? Leaving already?”

“If by ‘leaving,’ you mean going outside to enjoy the open-air bath? Then yes.”

“Now that you mention it, I totally forgot about that…”

“Annoying forgetfulness aside, I strongly suggest cooling yourself off before you even think about following me. The accumulated risk of heatstroke after all that soaking is higher if you don’t.”

“Sure, sure. Thanks mom.”

“Shut up,” said Rush with exasperated annoyance. “Do you wanna get knocked out again?”

“Absolutely not. You’re terrible at holding back.”

“Heh, suit yourself.”

With their conversation reaching a one-sided humorous end, Red heard the familiar shkrrr of the sliding door opening (a frequently heard sound during any recognizable beach and/or hot spring episode in anime), while an unmistakably loud SLAM! of the door being shut just a bit too aggressively followed shortly after.

A slightly irked “Damn it!” was heard from outside, and Red couldn’t help but make a mental note whilst snarkily chuckling to himself over this peculiarly interesting “weakness” of Rush’s: that he’s physically incapable of gently closing doors.

As the water continued to ripple, and as soon as his laughter died down, Red began to replay the scenes of Rush’s stupidly powerful backhand and axe-kick over and over again in his mind, causing his head to stiffen up in pain—something he thought would’ve already been alleviated by soaking in the indoor bath.

But maybe…

That’s just what he needed to act as motivation to go outside.

Hastily getting to his feet—almost slipping in the process—Red, without even stopping to cool down as per Rush’s warning, scurried after him to see the outside sights.

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And see the outside sights he did.

▓

While not a scenic place in the mountains, the ridiculously tall wooden fence surrounding the enclosed area of the open-air bath certainly gave off a culturally rural vibe—despite the fact that they were in the middle of the city.

Not noticing where he was going, Red quickly bumped into Rush, who seemed to be uncharacteristically frozen in the middle of the passageway. He quickly whipped around to see what was up, but that was before noticing Rush’s stiff expression; his face seemed to indirectly scream, We’re so screwed.

Wondering why this was, he too, turned around and looked ahead…

and saw them.

(⸝⸝⩌⸝⸝⩌⸝⸝)

To Red’s left: a short girl with a smooth, hourglass-like figure.

If it weren’t for the easily identifiable horns protruding from the top of her head and the cute, red bows adorning her twin-grey buns, he would’ve never guessed that it was Cutie—a friend he’d known all his life and yet had never once seen like this.

And to his right: a taller, more voluptuous girl.

Red was, in a word, utterly flabbergasted at the way her towel desperately clung to dear life against her body. Not only did it greatly accentuate her bust size, but it also did diabolical wonders for Red’s mind, leaving little to the imagination.

Moving his gaze downward, he certainly found it impressive how the dark, azure-haired girl’s towel followed the natural contours of her body, subtly emphasizing her sleek waistline before settling into the golden-ratio-like curve of her hips.

Still in disbelief, however, Red redirected his gaze back towards Cutie, and this time noticed how her towel fit rather snugly around her midsection, exposing the rather slender shape of her waist and bust before expanding-out to showcase her shiny, warmly toned hips and legs.

One thing that didn’t help whatsoever was how deliberately short both Cutie’s and the unknown dark, azure-haired girl’s towels were—not only because they audaciously highlighted the firm roundness of one another’s buttocks, but also because the lower edges of the towels ended at varying points on their upper thighs, allowing for crazy significant (and even elegant) portions of their legs to be exposed.

But that wasn’t all…

No thanks in part to Red’s “creative mind,” another thing that riled him up was how goddamn CLOSE these two girls were.

To elaborate, let’s (respectfully) look at Cutie again: in the moments following Rush’s accidental power-slam of the sliding door, the loud noise it caused forced a flinch, resulting in the impulsive reflex of trying to hide behind Mamiko.

Though her action failed due to the restrictive nature of the water, the pose she found herself in after bumping into her took on the appearance of a dynamic lean, almost as if she was getting ready for some kind of on-the-spot onsen photoshoot.

Nevertheless, her naiveté was beginning to show, and Cutie was growing more and more fearful of not knowing who had entered the bath with them. Little did she know, however, that the outdoor bath was unisex, and Cutie was equally as dumbfounded as Red when both parties finally caught sight of one another.

Letting out a flustered “Ah…” at the newly spawned members of the opposite sex before her, Cutie began alternating between faces of absolute mortification and dissociative shock, but this came to be only after realizing how sensually evocative the image of Mamiko’s bust literally resting on top of hers was to two hormonal teenage boys.

It wasn’t as if they were trying to peep, but to the judge, jury, and executioner known Cutie, these two were as good as dead.

Was there any way to get out of this?

(⸝⸝⩌⸝⸝⩌⸝⸝)

In the end, it all boiled down to getting the first word.

Would it be the girls?

Or the boys?

Well… for one thing, it certainly didn’t do anyone any favors to know that Red straight-up abandoned all notions of self-respect by succumbing to his inner degenerate—and to unpack what that means, let’s simply dumb it down by saying that he couldn’t stop gawking at Mamiko’s breasts.

Rush, on the other hand, kept his eyes locked and focused on the barely visible rocks and greenery that lay just beyond the gap their midriffs left—trying his damndest with his pride on the line not to look anywhere else.

In spite of all this narrative banter, in any case, no one still dared to say anything…

While Red continued to froth at the mouth at such an anime-like situation happening for real, Rush, having enough of his blatant horniness, moved on ahead, and, in an act of what looked like teleportation, vanished from sight.

And the next thing anyone knew, Red grunted in pain and fell over backwards, sustaining his third head injury of the day.

But before Cutie could freak out about the blood—

“Cutie. Don’t. He’ll be fine,” said a voice, Rush’s, from behind.

It was Rush, and in a far corner of the onsen, could be seen soaking in the water.

“Alright you two, listen,” said Rush in a commanding tone with his head facing the fence, “I’m only here to enjoy myself as much as the next dead guy, so, if you don’t mind, I’ll just stay here in this comfortable, faraway spot and you’ll soon forget I’m even here. Tell you what,” he added, “I’ll even do you a courtesy of leaving in a few minutes, how does that sound?”

“…”

“…”

A dubious tension filled the air, and who could honestly blame them?

After all, close friends as they all were, nothing could prepare them for an unexpected encounter like this. In essence, they were all naked; and that only made things even more uncomfortably awkward.

“Poor Red… thanks though, Rush” was all Mamiko had to say before soaking in the water herself.

“Y-Yeah, what Mamiko said…” nervously followed Cutie, still reserving her own doubts if Rush was secretly a closet pervert like Red over there.

All her worries, anyhow, were soon dispelled when she heard Rush talking to himself under his breath, saying something along the lines of, “I’ll just apologize later…” and, just like his earlier Flash Step, disappeared a second time, leaving the onsen completely.

He was even kind enough to have taken Red’s unimportant “corpse” along with him.

Letting out a sigh of relief, Cutie caught the sound of Mamiko laughing to herself.

“What’s so funny?” she asked.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Rush is just too nice a guy sometimes.”

“You think so? As long as you don’t know how scary he can be on missions…” said Cutie despairingly, her thoughts trailing off.

After determining it to be safe and away from any perverted eyes, the girls, finally able to enjoy the outdoor bath and its tension-relieving waters, soon forgot about every awkward transpiring that had occurred just moments ago; even managing to talk about Rush in a positive manner among other topics of casual conversation.

♨

Meanwhile, in the Emerald Retreat infirmary…

“Closet pervert, huh?” asked Hattie, changing a lukewarm ice pack for a colder one. “Oh, to be young again…” she commented, giggling.

“That’s actually assuming there’s anything respectable about him,” said Rush in disgust. “Don’t give him your heartfelt pity. He’s just a perv.”

“Ehe~ Go easy on the guy. You’re only nineteen once!”

“I seriously don’t wanna hear that from “Ms. Forever Twenty-Three.””

“Do I still look cute!?” excitedly asked Hattie, beaming.

“You know I’m not in any position to indulge in that,” grumpily replied Rush, hoping to end the conversation there.

“It’s only at times like these where I wonder who you got that disfavorable attitude from… but you’ve got a cute face, so I forgive you~” said Hattie cheerfully.

“I can say the same about you… you sure you aren’t her grandma or something?”

“Last I checked, I’m definitely your mom’s mom! Want me to give her a call?”

“Nah, that’s okay. You don’t have to. Getting back on topic, if it looks like he’s going to be okay, then I’m calling it a day. I’ll be borrowing a room tonight, so here’s my thanks in advance.”

“Long day tomorrow?” Hattie asked curiously.

“When do I not?” replied Rush offhandedly, smirking all the while.

▓

With the day long behind him, Rush was in for the rudest of awakenings by the time he arrived at the Prism Ring the next day with a tied-up Red.

Despite putting up quite a fight, adamant about not showing up today, it was no surprise to anyone that Rush emerged victorious. Little did he know…

That he was as good as dead as soon as he stepped inside the building.

Why? It’s simple, really. Because it was at that moment he saw…

Her.

The one person he least expected to see that day.

When his eyes caught sight of her talking to a blushing Mamiko from across the counter, that’s when he figured he was busted. She must’ve told her everything…

And boy, was she mad!!

Was there any saving him from an enraged Heidi and her wrath!?

End