Chapter 12: Troubling Thoughts

Chapter 12: Troubling Thoughts

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“You always manage to turn my warm feelings into cold ones, you know...“

I stood behind the counter, trying to focus on the customers' orders, but my mind kept drifting back to the incident from this morning. The hum of the espresso machine and the sweet aroma of baking pastries were usually enough to soothe me, but today was different. My thoughts were a mess, like something was constantly prickling at the back of my mind.

Kazuaki… he saw me.

My face heated up all over again every time the memory resurfaced. I knew it was just an accident, but still… I couldn't stop wondering how much he might have seen. Did he see everything? My wet hair, my skin glistening under the warm water… my body, which wasn't what it used to be, especially now that I was pregnant. Was Kazuaki thinking about the same thing? Was he feeling as awkward as I was right now?

“Chinatsu, focus,” I whispered to myself, trying to banish the intrusive thoughts.

However, Akiho’s words from this morning made everything more difficult. “Surely you've already kissed, or even gone further, right?” Her voice echoed in my head, making me imagine scenarios I had no business thinking about. What would it feel like if I actually kissed Kazuaki? His lips touching mine, his body close to mine, his gentle touch…

I bit my lip to force those thoughts away. This was crazy. Kazuaki was a good man, and while we were dating, we hadn't taken things that far. But now, I couldn't ignore the growing dependency between us. Kazuaki’s presence in my life was becoming more significant every day, and every time I looked at him, I felt more connected. Was I becoming too dependent on him? Was this love? Or was I just lonely?

“Excuse me, one Iced Latte and a Tiramisu,” a customer’s voice suddenly snapped me out of my daydream.

I nodded quickly and noted the order, offering a hurried thank you. Afterward, I tried to throw myself back into my work. Maybe with a bit of labor, these strange thoughts would vanish.

However, things became even more complicated when someone I didn't expect entered the café. Hayashi Yukifuyu—the girl who had recently been making me feel sparks of jealousy and envy. With her beautiful hair dyed a bluish-white, flowing neatly, and her slightly pale face, she entered the café with slow steps. She looked exhausted, likely from her work with Kazuaki and the team.

I watched her silently as she walked to a table near the window. Yukifuyu ordered some desserts and a drink, perhaps as an escape from her hectic schedule. I knew how intense the project they were working on was; Kazuaki often came home late, and I knew Yukifuyu was always around him. That fact made me uncomfortable, even if I didn't want to admit it directly.

I took a deep breath and decided to approach her. I couldn't keep going like this, letting jealousy and discomfort rule my mind. Besides, I had met her before when I delivered lunch to Kazuaki at the office. She seemed quiet and shy, but maybe this was an opportunity for me to get to know her better.

With a smile that felt a bit forced, I approached her table with her order. “Hi, you’re Hayashi Yukifuyu, right? I’m Chinatsu. Maybe you remember, we met at Kazuaki’s office a while back.”

Yukifuyu lifted her head, looking a bit surprised that I had approached her. After a few seconds, she offered a thin smile. “Oh, yes… I remember. Thank you for recognizing me. I-I’m sorry, I probably look quite tired right now...”

I let out a small laugh. “It’s fine. I know how busy the project you’re all working on is. It must be exhausting.”

Yukifuyu nodded slowly, stirring her spoon in her cup. “Yes, this project is really draining. But, I’m happy to be able to work with people like Kazuaki-san and Yorishiro-san.”

Hearing his name made my heart give a strange throb. I couldn't ignore the fact that Yukifuyu was spending more time with Kazuaki lately than I was. But I had to stay calm. I couldn't let this jealousy consume me.

“Kazuaki really is an amazing person,” I said, forcedly smiling. “I’ve known him for a long time, and he’s always been a hard worker.”

Yukifuyu nodded again, appearing slightly shy. “Yes, he really is great. So intelligent and full of dedication. I’ve learned a lot from him… for a long time now…”

I could see that Yukifuyu deeply respected Kazuaki—perhaps even more than that. I didn't know whether to feel relieved or more guarded. Did she just admire him as a mentor? Or was there something more?

Our conversation continued for a bit, and although Yukifuyu was quiet, she began to open up more. I could see that she was truly a kind girl, but somehow, that didn't make my jealousy go away. In fact, I felt even more unsettled by the fact that she was so close to Kazuaki during such pivotal moments.

When our conversation ended, I retreated behind the counter, feeling more confused than ever. I tried to convince myself that this was all just overthinking. Kazuaki was a good man, and I was sure he didn't have special feelings for Yukifuyu.

Yet, in the quiet corners of my heart, I couldn't ignore the haunting fear of losing him.