Roundtable Simping

The order of appearances on the show was determined by that brat Toru-san. A photo of each contestant would be shown to him, arranged in a random order, and the brat would choose which girl he would like to meet first, and so on.

Ayu-senpai created a photo that looked straight from an idol’s pretentious Sinstagram post, and it landed Mamie as the number thirteen contestant. “Good, not too early, not too late,” the whimsical senpai muttered after seeing the announcement of Toru-san’s choice.

To maintain some degree of fairness, Mamie was sent to a waiting room with other contestants to prevent any extra preparation time for those who appeared later. They also couldn’t see the playboy’s reaction to each contestant and adjust their strategy accordingly.

“People think about the primacy effect and the recency effect, but that’s an oversimplification of how the human brain works. A middle spot is definitely the best,” Ayu-senpai commented as we watched the live broadcast on a tablet. Honestly, I had no idea what she was talking about, but that didn’t stop me from nodding profoundly as if I did.

“Shush, I can’t hear President Arayama’s speech,” Friend C said. Yep, I still couldn’t remember any of their names.

“How can she always look so handsome? Ahhhh, I’m dying,” Friend B added. I swore I saw a grimace flash across Ayu-senpai’s face.

“Nakaya-san and Uwabe-san are both so pretty! I wish I could look as elegant as them,” Friend A closed up the roundtable simping.

Is this the extent of girl talk? If so, I’m glad I’m not a girl. My gaze settled on the figure of Uwabe-san in the VIP seat, her vague smile visible even from beyond the screen.

When I thought about my brief but incomprehensible interaction with her on the roof, I entertained the idea that she might have been my hallucination. But as I scrutinized her appearance on screen and matched it with my memory, I started accepting that I had really chatted with the real Secretary of the Union.

“Hey, Ayu-senpai,” I said. And the three friends hissed at me in unison. What are they? Cerberus?

“Yes?” Ayu-senpai smiled at me, and she might have been hoping for something like this to happen. Under the glares of the three little simps, I gently nudged Ayu-senpai towards the corner of the room.

“Before you kabedon me, I’m obligated to tell you that I’m gay,” Ayu-senpai said as loud as she could, ignoring the daggers from the three women’s eyes. Brave soul, this girl.

“What? No?” I whispered because I wasn’t as brave. “I just want to ask about Uwabe-san. What’s your impression of her?”

Her gray eyes gleamed. “Oh? Are you attracted to older women?”

“Hey. I’m serious. She talked to me on the roof out of nowhere.”

“Oh? A rooftop rendezvous? How scandalous…”

“Senpai…”

“Fine. I don’t interact with her much. She usually just does the bare minimum and then leaves. Arayama-san and Nakaya-san don’t seem to mind, so I guess it’s fine. But my impression of her is that… even more so than the other Union executives, she was unreadable.”

Her face was the most serious I had seen her, wearing an expression of someone who tried to hold back a sneeze. But in all honesty, the information she gave me was utterly useless. Unreadable? More like Ayu-senpai gave up trying to understand the person. Shrimps and bees are also unreadable. That didn’t make that statement any more useful.

Before I could continue to complain internally about how even I could make up more profound comments about Uwabe-san on the spot, Ayu-senpai’s voice interrupted my thoughts. “I thought you would ask me about Mamie-chan.”

I froze. What was there to ask about? But this question was stuck in my head, refusing to change into speech. The slight hum of the lights overhead gave me an anchor in my brief moment of mental off-balance, and I was able to latch onto speculating about what Uwabe-san’s deal was. Anything was preferable to thinking about Mamie, about how her eyes housed a dimming soul.

Insensitive to my ruminations, Toru-san proceeded to meet with one contestant after another, each of them having about twenty minutes of time with the man. Besides the three from the National College, the others came from other escort-training schools, the adult video industry, and even independent OnlyStans creators. The appeal of participating in this Union-funded competition was apparent: to prove that they were better than the elites from the National College.

In other words, it wasn’t about this unattractive and unlovable Toru-san at all. No one actually cared about him. No one.

They all just pretended that they did. Watching Toru-san’s excited expression, I felt my stomach churning and threatening to spit out the quick lunch I had. Almost, there was an urge to charge down the cramped corridors and to the sets where the shooting was taking place, all so I could yank Toru-san from his fantasy back to reality.

Case in point, Hanawa-senpai, as the eighth contestant, played the role of a teasing, older-sister-type character in a household setting. In reality, she was a two-faced reptile that probably belonged in a snake pit. Part of me didn’t want another victim of Hanawa-senpai’s bitchcraft, but another part of me thought that it might be fine if Toru-san was the one getting duped.

Toru-san seemed to be having some fun chatting away with Hanawa-senpai, but from the depth of his smile and his subtle body language, I could tell that he didn’t find this interaction to be the most enjoyable one. Too bad. These two might be perfect together.

Then, a few more contestants later. It was finally Mamie’s turn. When the announcer called her name, I felt something squeezing in my chest, responding to the word as if it were a death sentence.

Toru-san stepped into the set piece that we had chosen, a quiet coffee shop you could find in a back alley that had the aesthetic to rival high-end ones. Under the warm lighting and the fancy faux beams, wooden chairs arranged neatly around the tables in curious angles as if with lives of their own. No one was working behind the mahogany counter, of course, giving the impression that the two of them owned the place.

Mamie waited for him with a cup of steaming coffee, her dark green hair tied up and her nose supporting a pair of square-frame glasses. Her outfit consisted of a white shirt that was buttoned up all the way and a silky navy skirt, unlike the usual funny T-shirts. And as she turned around to greet Toru-kun, her usual smile had its familiarity scraped away, because it was directed to another person.

My throat went dry, and I knew how bad this was for my heart. Watching would change nothing, but my eyes couldn’t help but stay on the screen.

“Calm down. All kids have to leave their homes and spread their wings eventually.” Ayu-senpai’s hand found its way onto my shoulder. I glared at her, but her annoying attempt at levity settled down my crumbling body, even if it was just for a little while.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Gessho Mamie. I’m here to be your tutor,” Mamie sounded more cheerful than usual through the tablet’s speaker.

“I’m Nagata Toru, but what is this about a tutor? I thought we were going on a date.”

“Wait… wait… wait… what are you talking about?” Mamie fumbled for her phone, and a blush blossomed on her cheeks.

“Mamie-chan is just so cute like this,” Ayu-senpai gave her unneeded commentary while wiping a line of drool leaking from the corner of her grin, while this time it was the three little simps who stared daggers at her.

“Don’t tell me you came up with this strategy just to entertain yourself.” I tried to intensify my scowl, but I couldn’t strain my muscles any further.

“The gap moe strategy works. There’s a reason why tsunderes are so popular. Just wait until she takes off her glasses. His heart will skip a beat.”

Ayu-senpai’s team got third place last year, so she should know what she was talking about. But rather than the relief that I should feel at this moment, the idea that Mamie might get a good placement and impress the students into voting for her just felt wrong, like something that shouldn’t happen. Had I wanted her to fail?

“It’s all a performance. You know that, right? She isn’t about to elope with him.” Ayu-senpai must have seen through my silence, but I couldn’t care less.

“Yeah.” My eyes bored into the screen, hoping my gaze would break through the screen and unsettle the two of them enough that the date would be ruined. That didn’t happen. The two of them chatted about a range of topics, from anime to card games to Toru-san’s stamp-collecting hobby. The whole time, I couldn’t tell if Mamie was having a good time or if it was all an act. A few days ago, I could still tell what she was thinking from her subtle expressions and body language. Not anymore.

This person was a stranger.