Awareness 4

I went back to school a week after the incident with Kazama.

All things considered, I was let off rather easily. Though I’m pretty sure that the teachers were pretty happy with not having to deal with that guy anymore. So maybe that helped.

I still had to be careful on my way to and from school, just in case the guy tried to ambush me or something. But otherwise, everything’s been fine.

Despite my precarious situation, I actually got less pushback from the students compared to the round where Kazama disappeared. Even when guys should be able to one-punch me if they aim at my broken nose, guys simply didn’t want anything to do with the monkey that got in a fight with the ex-school delinquent. Or something like that.

It’s convenient, so I don’t mind the rumors too much. Having something to compare the current state of affairs to gives me peace of mind. And there’s very little I would compare to how things turned out in my shortest round at all. That is to say, I don’t think I’d rather be in that round compared to this.

If all I have to do is to endure a bit of gossip rather than an actively murderous Akamine, then by all means let the gossip come. Words cannot harm me or make me disappear. I can just ignore the people too cowardly to actually face me and be done with them.

Sometimes, ignoring a problem is the surest way to solve it. This is true with Akamine and Kamishiro, so it obviously will apply to some high school-level annoyance. And I’m very good at ignoring things not said directly to me, so I have high expectations for this round.

And just to be sure, I bid those insane moments of the previous round with a bit of a push for the poor victim in charge of making all of it not happen.

“Does Senpai really think so?”

“C’mon man. It’s clear as day. I’d highly recommend you stop fooling around with so many cute girls and confess to Akamine already!”

I took Kamishiro and told him straight to his face how things are. Even if he’s useless, this should at least make him take Akamine into consideration. Much more than usual. Since the angle here is how his ignorance would hurt the girl in question.

“But…”

“Listen, little guy. I have quite the experience with women. I know what I’m talking about. So just pay attention to how she behaves when you’re with another girl, ask her to stay for a bit longer sometimes. Maybe even talk about a place that you’d like to visit as an implicit invitation. If she’s interested, she’ll probably say that she wants to go too. If you ask her out and she says yes, that’s it. If she says no, then tell her that you guys could go with other people. No pressure, no discomfort.”

“That doesn’t feel right…”

“Listen, Kamishiro. It’s not about ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. It’s about not making the girl uncomfortable, right? Friendships end because people don’t know how to approach softly and put too much pressure on the other’s feelings. That’s also why you’ll be looking out for those tells first. Maybe she’ll even suggest hanging out by herself first.”

“I-Is that so…?”

Although talking to Kamishiro is against my better wishes and I can feel my legs shake a little when I see him run, fearing that he’ll trip and make me reset, I still had to make sure that he’s in the proper mindset. Guys are unexpectedly receptive to being liked, so even someone like Kamishiro should feel inclined to take things seriously if the idea of Akamine liking him is implanted him early on… Or, well, as early as I can.

This looping thing is weird. I looked it up a bit, and I hate how lacking the tactical aspect of my time slipping is.

Last time, I was thrusted into an important even right off the bat. And I guess this one too, but I felt too sick to witness it. Being sent to the infirmary doesn’t help either. But I can’t really use what I remember effectively. Not yet, at least, now that I'm getting a grasp of it.

Ironically enough, my best opportunity was when I rewinded to the very beginning. Right when Akamine and Kamishiro met.

It’s troublesome, but I’ll take the loss and move on. I’m not sure that I’m in the right mental place to think step by step about what I can do to change things. The ‘what if’ scenarios where I’m early enough to just avoid Akamine getting fixated on Kamishiro is unlikely to happen. I’m sure that if I loop again, I won’t get that close to a ‘perfect’ opportunity. One where I don’t get hurt to get rid of Kazama or have to see Kamishiro be handed cute girls left and right.

The quiet that the following days brought is haunting. I still feel like something will come out of a corner, that some of the girls will turn up missing or in a bag or something. I avoid Akamine as much as I can. I don’t make eye contact, I don’t get in trouble, I try to do my schoolwork so that I won’t be sent to the teachers’ lounge and accidentally bump onto her.

It feels like I’ve been shackled to the school, that now I’m forced to play by the rules but… It doesn’t feel too terrible. My hatred for the boring classes and useless busywork that teachers love is eclipsed by the sensation of eyes watching my every move. Peace might become a commodity for some time. So trying to go through the everyday things quietly is not easy.

The sports event soon passes and days get colder. Sometimes I see Kamishiro with this or that girl, but I only interfered once to push one of his friends toward Urara-chan. Just because some part of her interactions with Kamishiro were getting him to be her gofer.

I realize that I still hate how many cute girls Kamishiro is involved with. But I really don’t want it to be my problem. I have other stuff to think about. Like… The year’s end, I guess. Since I didn’t get to enjoy the summer break. Not for like two timelines at least!

Come to think of it, I'm going to graduate, aren't I? What am I going to do once high school is over? How can I possibly join the adult world now that I’ve seen Akamine…?

Well, I guess that job interviews don’t sound that scary now! There is always a silver lining, so maybe I should focus on the things that I can do. I don’t think college is for me, and sports really aren’t my thing. I am too late for either of them, so I should seriously get some skills that will help at a minimum wage job at least.

Christmas comes and goes in silence. We approach the day I’m supposed to graduate, but I start thinking about it as the date Kamishiro will become a third year student instead at some point.

The ceremony comes but nothing goes wrong.

The ceremony ends but I can’t lower my guard as I see my classmates hugging their friends and families. I am no longer a high school student but I don’t feel anything but apprehension.

The day goes well but I rush out of school to avoid Akamine and Kamishiro all the same.

I’m supposed to start job hunting soon.

I go back in time once more.