Chapter 30:
Ode to the Solstice Bloom (Natsu no Hanauta)
Chapter 28: Tasogare — Who Is He?
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“Can I defy this fate? I don't want to lose you forever!”
My steps felt like lead as the last rays of the sun began to bleed away, leaving the sky in a bruised gradient of orange and deep violet. A gentle breeze brushed against my face, carrying with it the phantom scent of the past—of Kazuaki and me, running beneath the twilight glow, dancing in a fit of reckless joy. Now, all of it felt distant, unreachable, like a moon hiding behind an impenetrable wall of clouds.
Getsurou sat bathed in the cold moonlight, a faint, cryptic smile playing on his lips. “You know,” he said, his gaze fixed on the darkening horizon, “you’ve managed to find me at just the right time. The hour they call Tasogare.”
I stared at him, my brow furrowed in confusion. “Tasogare?”
Getsurou nodded slowly. “Yes. ‘Who is he?’ That is the literal root of the word in Japanese—Tasogare-doki. But beyond a simple question, it describes the blurred boundary where the world loses its edges. The moment where the veil between what is real and what is myth becomes thin.”
I sank onto the ground across from him, watching him in silence. “What does that have to do with why I’m here?”
Getsurou took a deep breath, his expression turning solemn. “In ancient philosophy, there is a concept of two souls residing within every human—Hun, the spiritual soul that belongs to the Yang, and Po, the corporeal soul that belongs to the Yin. When a person passes, the Hun leaves for the heavens, while the Po remains with the cooling body. Between life and death, there is a transitional moment known as Tasogare. A time of twilight where the spirits walk among the living.”
I pondered his words, my voice barely a whisper. “Like… the dusk that separates the day from the night?”
Getsurou’s smile turned thin and sharp. “Exactly. Tasogare is the moment when the light has begun to fade, but the darkness has not yet fully claimed the world. In those fleeting seconds, feelings of nostalgia, hope, and longing manifest. It is a time where changes occur, and there… you can feel closer to those who have left, or those who never truly existed at all.”
“What does this have to do with Kazuaki?” I demanded, my heart racing.
“When a guilty soul takes a new form to guide someone, it happens within that Tasogare state. It is a transition between existence and non-existence—a moment where two souls meet to settle an ancient debt.”
I felt the warmth of tears welling in my eyes. “So… Kazuaki… he was never actually real?”
Getsurou looked down, his eyes landing on the red thread looped around my finger. “Kazuaki was the shadow of a profound guilt. He was the physical manifestation of Jouga’s desire to atone for betraying Kougei. That spirit of regret wandered for thousands of years, and finally, when the time was right… the moment arrived. He became Kazuaki.”
I couldn't speak. The world seemed to tilt on its axis.
“When you shot down the final sun, you forced a state of permanent twilight. That was Kazuaki’s final stand. Because after that, the sun vanished, and Tasogare could no longer occur. The twilight was his charging station; it was where he drew his strength, like a phone plugged into a socket.”
I recoiled in shock. “What do you mean it won't occur anymore?! I’ve brought the light back! The sun is shining again, Getsurou!”
Getsurou let out a long, weary sigh. “True, you have become the new sun. You and he merged to replace the celestial bodies in that moment. The world refused to let you go and prayed to the Arbiter of Life—who, ironically, still refuses to show his face. But the world only had room for one to return. Because you possess both Hun and Po, whereas Kazuaki possessed only Hun, you were the one chosen by the Absolute Sadametoki.”
“You are alive because Kazuaki made his choice from the very beginning. This is the Storyboard he wrote for you. The heavens chose the sun, for the sun shines far longer than the moon. To us, your life was more important.”
My heart felt crushed under the weight of that bitter truth. “Why? Why me?”
Getsurou looked at me with unexpected tenderness. “Because you are the sun, Chinatsu. You are more vital, more precious. You are the one who illuminates the world long after the moon has faded, and that is exactly what Kazuaki wanted. He guided you so that you could live a better life. His duty as a spirit of regret was to pay for the sins of a past life. And that duty… is now complete.”
The tears fell without end. “Complete? This isn't fair… Kazuaki… is just gone?”
Getsurou nodded slowly. “The world is perfectly fair, Chinatsu. Kazuaki wanted you to never feel injustice again. You once felt that the world had betrayed you, didn’t you? Now, you never have to feel that way again.”
“It’s not fair!” my voice cracked, a mixture of rage and sorrow. “Kazuaki… he should be here! What is the point of any of this if he’s gone?”
Getsurou stared at my pinky, seeing the red thread that remained invisible to everyone else. “That thread is still there. It’s frayed, a bit damaged, but it still connects you both even if his physical form is gone. In many stories, true love transcends the boundaries of space and time. This bond… it will never break, Chinatsu.”
He was lying. I could see it in his eyes—the look of someone forced to comfort the inconsolable. I bit my lip, my voice breaking into a sob. “But what does this thread mean if he isn't here to hold the other end?!”
Getsurou offered a faint smile. “The red thread of fate does not break, even when one half of the pair is no longer in this realm. The emotional and spiritual anchor remains, piercing through space, time, and even the barrier of life and death. You are an eternal pair, and this thread is the proof.”
I wailed, the sound echoing the raw, jagged wounds in my soul. “Kazuaki… you idiot… you complete idiot…”
Getsurou watched me with genuine compassion. “I know it’s hard, Chinatsu. But this was Kazuaki’s goal. Everything was arranged by him. Jouga finally feels what Kougei felt… it’s poetic justice, isn't it?”
It was true. In our previous life, I died as a mortal while he lived an eternity on the moon. But this was different. I was Chinatsu and he was Kazuaki. How dare he decide that his existence was merely a manifestation of guilt to entertain me? It meant everything we shared was a beautiful illusion. You’ve left me hanging, Kazuaki.
I pleaded, almost screaming until the people nearby began to turn and stare. “It’s not fair… take me to him! Please, Getsurou!”
Getsurou shook his head weakly. “I cannot even reach him myself. His existence has been erased from history.”
“Erased?!”
“It means he is no longer within the reach of this world.”
“Who even wants to be in this world!” I sobbed, the tears blurring everything. “Take me to him, please! I just want to be with him again!”
Getsurou stood up. “I suspected you wouldn't accept this.” He looked at me with profound understanding. “I have one way—wait! Where are you going?!”
Without answering, I turned and ran. The night wind grew colder, biting at my skin, but I kept running. The world around me began to flicker and crack like a shattered mirror.
I shook my head violently, despair crawling through my mind. “No, I can feel it! Kazuaki is still here, somewhere! Tasogare... ‘Who is he?’ What a load of nonsense. He is Kazuaki! Minato Kazuaki!” I ran aimlessly, the magnitude of the loss hitting me like a tidal wave.
I ran until my lungs burned, until the direction didn't matter. The sky was pitch black, but I didn't stop. The world felt like a digital glitch, as if time and space were distorting under my feet. Is this what Kazuaki saw all along?
The scenery ahead of me became a blur of static, yet I pushed forward, hoping to find something—anything—that could lead me back to him. But as the sun fully vanished beneath the horizon, I knew… this was a real, final goodbye.
Beneath the cold, indifferent moonlight, I finally collapsed. My breath came in ragged gasps, and the tears would not stop.
I was stranded beneath a sky now filled with mocking stars. The moon shone softly, as if smiling with pity. I looked up at the empty expanse. “Kazuaki… where are you, you coward… you idiot…”
Getsurou was gone. The Tasogare of today had ended. “Am I supposed to let you go, Kazuaki?” I whispered into the silent night. My red thread was still taut, pulled toward a horizon I couldn't see, but he was no longer by my side.
The once-clear sky turned dark and heavy, and for the first time in my life, I felt truly, utterly alone.
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