1 - The 'You' in fiction

An endless sea of cherry blossom trees are lined up down the slope on my journey to school. On the day of my middle school debut, I saw a girl whose hair matched the scenery. A picture so delicate, you wouldn’t notice her beauty if you eyed it too quickly. But once you notice her, she becomes the only thing you see.

The heartbeat-stopper I saw that day was Suzumi-chan. For the next three years I held my infatuation for her in silence. Stuck in the background as I was, I wondered if she even knew my name, despite being in the same class for all three years.

My unrequited love for her was one more reason that triggered my new goal for high school.

Before the bell would ring for the first time this school year, I located the library in which I hunted for books that could help me on my mission of becoming the most popular guy at Boushi High.

* * *

Despite the tip-top cooling systems installed in our gym—temporarily turned into an assembly room—I was sweating in buckets…

Idioms… my arch nemesis.

I was sweating buckets, not picking up on anything the principal said. Only one thing filled my mind, Suzumi-chan. I had already noticed her seated in the Class B rows. I knew all too well what I was about to do and this sweat was proof that I still hadn’t given up the fight against my nerves.

After the assembly ended, I stood by the exit with trembling knees, waiting for her to appear.

The students with human-level appeal seemingly made way on instinct for the angel descended on Earth to walk through. I wasn’t the only boy staring at her during the assembly, nor was I the only one staring at her now. She must’ve noticed my intense gaze, because she froze the moment our eyes met.

It’s now or never.

“I have something to tell you.”

Without either one of us losing the intensity in our eyes, she said, “Yes?”

On my knees, hands on the cold floor upon which my head was bowed, surrounded by quite literally everyone, I yelled as loud as my folded body allowed, “Please, please, please, go out with me!”

When I peeked up from the floor, her expression looked just like mine… on a sick day where you just can’t stop vomiting.

For the remaining days of the week, I had to endure the shame, the bitter taste of defeat, the ugly sneers and pestering pointing paired with mocking laughter. I felt like I died that day, only to be reborn as the same fool.

Even a week later, it still had no signs of slowing down. At one point, it affected my friendships. Like the time I tried sitting at the lunch table with some friends from middle school.

“Uh… How do I say this, Komiya-kun…”

Another friend picked in without daring to look me in the eyes, “Don’t sit with us anymore. You’re an embarrassment.”

And thus, I was left without friends to share lunch with. Lacking any other option, I set my sights on becoming a library dweller.

Once dismissed for lunch break, I didn’t make my move until my friends left for the cafeteria. Ignoring the stares and disturbed glances thrown at me, I managed to keep my head held high. This is fine. I reassured myself. I can handle this. Fall a couple times, stand up a couple more.

One might wonder why I would make such a fool out of myself on the first day of high school no less. Well you see, this is called rejection therapy; an approach where you try something bold, half-expecting rejection, to ease your relationship with it. That’s the gist of it.

I had taken the self-help book on exactly that topic from my backpack before I left the classroom. My eyes rolled over the blurb again whilst I nodded to myself. My theory was still on the money based on the synopsis.

Seeing roughly two-hundred pages bundled together when I flipped the book sideways, I couldn’t help but think, maybe I should’ve read the book.

As a well-mannered man, I know better than to fiddle with the pages of a library book, so instead, my fingers glided over the library sticker on the back as I walked through the hell-ways.

Standing in front of the sliding-doored library, a glimmer of intellectual brilliance shone brightly inside my dome. I could use this book one final time before bringing it back.

Rejection, rejection… my eyes desperately wandered from side to side until they came to halt on a beret atop a girl.

“Hey, hat girl!” She obediently raised her head. “Can you please open the door for me?”

Reject me… hmmmmm reject me!!

“Ah, uh… Sure.”

Whilst she opened the door, I looked at the book and saw the magical appeal of it wither away with the wind flooding out of the library windows.

“Thank you.”

She stood in the doorway and gestured to come in.

“Thank you,” I repeated.

When I walked past her, she closed the doors behind her and walked past me, towards the windows and closed them.

“Fresh air abound, fresh air abound,” she whispered to herself before she flashed an awkward glance my way, “Don’t you think?” She added in a much louder tone, obviously pretending she wasn’t talking to herself.

I looked at the book a final time. “Maybe open the window for seven more seconds, for good luck.”
With a click, the windows were opened again. She mouthed counting the seven seconds before she closed the windows again. Penguin-paced, she walked over to the desks, opened a book, neatly placing the bookmark next to it. Before she began reading, she took off her beret—

“You’re bald?!”

“What—?! I’m not bald…?” She denied, looking at her dark hair falling well over- and behind her shoulders.

“Yeah… but you look so different without the hat.”

She threw me an offended look before it turned into a wide eyed stare, “Aren’t you… the creep at first sight?”

Is that what my nickname has become…

“It wasn’t at first sight,” I was about to explain how I’ve been secretly crushing on Suzumi-chan for three years, but then again, the start of that crush was pretty much a love at first sight scenario, so I couldn’t exactly refute it. At exactly the same time, I realised it’s definitely the creep part I should sort out first.

“I’m not a creep.”

I failed to find a more suitable defence.

“Uh… I’m just going to read here, so just do something other than looking at me, please.”

This time it felt truly final. The looks the book and I exchanged felt like a farewell episode. One last dance before we separated ways for eternity.

“Hat girl.” I caught her attention, irritated, but attentive. “Can I look at you?” My voice came out a little strange, a little deeper than normal.

“Huh——???” She lifted her book off the table and tried to cover her face with it. “…Do as you wish, just stop talking to me…”

Even from behind her book I could see her flustered face. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to get rejected. I figured it’s about time for a new approach.

In my pursuit of becoming the most popular guy at school, there’s a couple of things I need to add to my repertoire. First, I need to come to terms with that not everyone will like me; rejection. Second, I need to elevate my communication skills; forming connections. A third idea will spark when the hero needs it most—I grabbed a book in each hand about those topics on the first day of school and thought a third was over-kill.

I took another look at the girl, or rather, I brought my focus on her again since my eyes never really left. This time they fell on the book she was reading; quite big—not my speed, and no library sticker.

In hindsight, I had a choice of topics between her odd beret, the book itself and yet I chose the third option, the library sticker. Well, the lack thereof.

“Where did you get that?”

“…My hat?”

Again, completely on me.

“No, the book. I don’t see a library sticker on it.”

“Ah, this is from my grandfather… It’s not like I removed the sticker or anything… if that’s why you’re asking…”

Book two, My voice, my expression, a book seemingly about clear communication. I thought surely now was the moment to use it.

“That’s not where I was going with that question. Wouldn’t it make more sense if I asked ‘Did you get that from the library?’ or even a direct accusation, ‘Did you remove the library sticker?’?”

Eyes have to be twitching a whole lot to be visible to another… Her eye very visibly twitched. Reading body language is also part of my second step to becoming popular, so that was a point for me.

“I’m not trying to accuse you of anything, I’m simply trying to improve my communication skills…”

I can’t recall when or where I heard it, but doesn’t, ‘Speak your dreams or they’ll remain dreams’ sound profound?

“…because I want to become the most popular guy at school.”

She burst out into laughter. That was another point for me.

Barely breathing, she managed to get her words out, “What’s up with that? Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

This time she was tearing up. “Sorry, sorry… I just…”

“It’s fine. Humour was one of my back-up strategies for getting there.”

“Wait, didn’t you already become the most popular guy? If you count infamous as famous, I mean.”

Agreeing with her would halt my growth, my current reputation put me out there, now I just needed to flip my image around.

“This is just the start. I’ll become the most popular in the opposite sense before the end of the schoolyear. No one will be able to forget me!”

Still chuckling, she took the bookmark and neatly placed it inside of her book, she put the hat back on and stood up. “Can’t read a book when your sides hurt,” she whispered before adding an audible, “right? …Ah, I also couldn’t help but notice the book in your hand… is that what the confession incident was about?”

It’s being called an incident now?

“Well, mainly, yeah.”

To avoid looking directly into my eyes, she pulled the brim of her beret down. “I don’t think reading a self-help book is what’s going to help you.”

“I thought the same thing,” I agreed. “That’s why I didn’t read it. Just the blurb.”

She laughed again, “If nothing else, at least you’re a little funny.”

Her hand gestured me to follow her through the aisles until we came to halt at the ‘Su’ section of the fiction books.

“Here,” she handed me a book titled—

“—Camarilla Twelve… that doesn’t start with ‘Su’…”

With a puzzled face, she said, “No? The author’s name starts with Su. Suwaru Miaki”

I might be a genuine idiot.

“So, what’s it about?”

Her face lit up; her smile spread wide from cheek to cheek as her eyes sparkled, “It’s about twelve powerhouses in a kingdom who are secretly trying to seize power! That’s twelve storylines interwoven into one brilliant novel series! I think you’ll discover yourself more by finding you in fiction rather than an endless heap of educational books.”

I opened the book on the final page to see how many there were. Reading my mind, she assured me.

“Don’t worry, it reads very quickly—the exciting and smoothly flowing dialogue will keep you reading until nightfall! And there’s always some kind of clever foreshadowing going on, some of it I hadn’t noticed until the third read or so, and all twelve characters seem to really have a shot at reaching their goals, although you know that ultimately only a single one can become the next ruler…” she began fidgeting with her fingers, “I’d love to talk about my favourite character, but I’d rather let you read it blind…”

Whilst listening to her, I couldn’t help but think I recognised the book. Although I certainly haven’t read it, let alone own it…

“You’re thinking you’ve seen it before?”

I nodded. “Can’t quite put my finger on it, though.”

Her face looked a little droopy all of a sudden, “The anime adaptation is getting pretty popular.”

“Great! Then I’ll watch that and pretend I read the book. That’s been my style for book reports for a while.”

Mercilessly, she swiped the book out of my hands and landed a soft blow to my dome with it. “Read it properly.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll give it a shot.”

She handed the book back, “It’s not like you can’t watch the anime, it’s really good even, just not as complete as the novels. Well anyway, if you have any questions, you’ll probably find me here one of these days.”

“Question. Why are you helping me? I’m sure you’d get picked on if you’re seen talking to me—with my current status anyway.”

“I wonder why… Well, as long as you read Camarilla, it’s fine I think. I’ve been wanting to gush about it with a fan, so I might as well turn you into one,” she smirked.

“Don’t you have any friends to turn into freaks?” That came out way harsher than I intended.

A complicated expression formed on her face, “My best friend is into it… for all the wrong reasons. Anyway, be sure to read it, okay? Come by when you’re finished… and let’s keep this inside of the library, alright?”

I nodded, turned and waved as I made a dramatic exit out of the library… Only to open the doors right after I closed them behind me.

“I need to check this out, don’t I?”

Current status: Scum of the Earth.