Can I Please Be Kabedon?

Bright lights, sparkles and a dash of that wonderful bloom. It was the perfect picture of everything that stirred the heart. It made blood pour, definitely pour not pump, faster. Life blossomed into an array of flowers. So many flowers that bouquets could be made from them. All frame in a frozen moment of the greatest thing to witness upon the Earth. It was the only thing to live for.

It made each nosebleed worth it.

Meet Noriko Shirane, second year employee and programmer for the middleware software development company Blue Bird Software. A sweet innocent sounding name that only brought sadness and depression to the CEO lately. Named after their pet of five years, a Japanese flycatcher. A beautiful blue and white bird that even made it into their logo. And now a grim reminder that they never should have bought a cat. A good lesson to never leave a young untrained cat alone and hungry. Or perhaps to not name your business after something deeply personal.

To return to Noriko, now that she finished cleaning up with tissues from the ongoing scene that she witnessed. A modest in appearance woman of walnut hair and eyes with little care for dressing for beauty and more practical. Set in a simple and unremarkable dress, she tried blending into the office, yet the success varied greatly. She worked to ease her racing heart down as the scene didn’t end. It obviously wouldn’t cease until the conversation finished. But such thoughts weren’t what went through her mind at the moment.

With her leaning around their cubicles looking painfully obvious was Maiko, gleeful partner in crime. Neither said a word, words weren’t needed. Their eyes spoke volumes. And for anyone that couldn’t read signs as big as the Tokyo Tower painted over their faces, the frequent nosebleeds should be the clue that they needed. And praying for sanitation.

She sucked in a breath staring at the unfolding magnificent sight. ‘He’s so close. Just a little more.’ It would never happen. No, that would be too intense and hot for the office. But a girl could hope and wish. And Noriko always wished. If there was anything child-like still left in that rapidly pounding heart of hers it was full of the deepest and darkest of wishes that only Noriko and Maiko could drool over.

Which begged the question, could that really be called child-like? Their behavior certainly wasn’t becoming of an adult.

They both knew nothing would happen. But the fantasy, oh the fantasy was plenty. It was too much, especially when they would start to pant or run feverish. Yet seeing such intense stares filled with longing passion that couldn’t be spoken out loud only made the anticipating heart race faster. It could never be said aloud but in the quiet corners it was allowed to grow watered by love.

Another nosebleed was coming on. Noriko clamped her hand over her nose. The two friends exchanged approving looks to each other.

Reality however was far different than that which she pictured. And it really needed to be corrected. Hiroyuki, subject of much of the hopeful stares, chatted with Tomio. A tall man with a face that caught eyes, he normally carried himself with a warm smile or positive energy about. Yet this time that was lacking. His distant conversation with Tomio grew more intense, not to shout, but pressing. A point was being made, but rejected.

Other than being distracting in attractiveness, Hiroyuki was a model Japanese salaryman in appearance otherwise. His co-worker despite the shorter stature was the older of the two and carried himself with confidence that only years of familiarity.

Their conversation was far from the hearing of the two hungry women, but there were clear signs that Tomio led the discussion, not Hiroyuki. He pressed Hiroyuki on something that he was continually being reluctant to face with darting looks and hesitant pacing of his feet.

The perfect leaning in posture of Hiroyuki longingly loaming over Tomio was just simply the fact that Tomio was more than ten centimeters shorter and he had to look down to keep eye contact. And they kept to a reasonable distance that considered personal pace.

It was very mundane, ordinary.

Try explaining that to them if it would get through the reinforced delusions wrapped around their minds. But the chat finally ended and they parted ways. Perhaps Tomio wanted to encourage him to bring up a bug found in the software. Maybe Hiroyuki had doubts about the approach for structuring code.

Whatever the two were discussing it was obviously work related and nothing to do with some spicy workplace romance. No, if that was the case everyone would know about it. It wouldn’t be some secret only they held. Also everyone would know immediately. It didn’t take a savant to be able to see such a thing if Noriko’s visions were reality.

But with the brief recharge that she got complete, she could return to her work. At least for as much as she enjoyed such things, she knew when to get back to work. They couldn’t spend the whole time daydreaming, even if it might have been appealing sometimes. No, she had to work and she had at least that much responsibility as an adult to know where her focus was needed.

And like most days, it continued to stroll with little to impede it from moving. It wasn’t like such encounters happened all the time. No, Noriko required her memories and dreams to give energy most days. And when she went home to relax. Work would just be the usual thing.

It was a good morning for the two of them. And that would give enough life for them to cruise all the way through the rest of the day. Lunch and afternoon meetings and code breaking wouldn’t even be a blip on her mind. She could just crush it all with ease and close out the day.

At least that was the plan. And like any good plan, it never survives the enemy. Though in this case the enemy was something a little smaller and unnoticed. And Noriko found herself in a situation that she couldn’t even remember how it started, which probably would have been useful. Her mind was almost entirely blank just staring. And desperately trying not to show how much red ran into her face. Her hands were doing half the job for her as she covered up her mouth, also probably a good thing.

A big shadow hung over the entirety of Noriko. She had never felt so small before, but also seen. Complicated feelings spun around for her. Flee or stay, indecision locked her body. But at the same time she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She was in hell and heaven. Words were meaningless. ‘I’ve been kabedon!’ Most words were meaningless.

Noriko stared up at Hiroyuki, the man she fantasized about with his co-worker just this one time in the morning.

Almost every day.

He wasn’t supposed to be standing giving her those intense passionate eyes at her. They were for someone else.

They were in fact not for Tomio.

Hiroyuki didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. His body, his eyes, his lips (another nosebleed needed to be stopped) said everything that they needed. It was blinding to see. She always wondered what Tomio saw whenever they stared deeply into their eyes when no one was looking. Those longing forbidden stares didn’t belong to her. She needed to turn away. She couldn’t get between them.

There was nothing between Hiroyuki and Tomio, they were friends actually. Pretty good ones and Tomio supported him quite earnestly despite Hiroyuki hesitancy.

Truth as it was, Hiroyuki did find himself in such a position as to be towering over Noriko with his hand pressed to the wall. However, he actually tripped on a loose cable as the two were crossing paths. To recover, he slammed his hand against the wall trying not to crash into the poor woman. His free hand tried to make sure she wasn’t harmed.

Even in his position, it all happened so fast that he wasn’t sure if he hit her and wanted to be careful. But Noriko's silence didn’t help answer anything. Though as he checked on her condition, it became clear that he missed a collision. So she only seemed to be surprised by the encounter.

He was doing everything to keep his balance while his body wanted to stumble forward. There was a fairly stoic look over his face for someone that was internally panicking. He tried desperately to get his body back up right, but so much weight was forward. It looked shockingly natural, like he saved the whole thing.

Noriko snapped out the bright glory shone upon her by his presence when he pulled away. She needed her tissues again. But she just stood there.

“I’m sorry. It was my mistake.” That had been the first time she heard him speak today. His voice was always soothing to her ears. But she didn’t get more audio to enjoy as he hurried off almost in a gust. She still couldn’t believe that she was served such an event in her life. Her mind was a haze as she returned to her desk.

Maiko slid over in her chair. “That had to be the most awkward confession I’ve witnessed. And I’ve seen ‘The Book Nerd Loves Me’.”

Sharply, she jumped in her seat to look at her friend. “What are you talking about? He didn’t say anything! And even if he did, it had to be too quiet for anyone to hear.”

“The whole floor heard, he nearly shouted it.”

Noriko turned, seeing Hiroyuki still hurrying back to his desk on the other side of the floor. He still had the perfectly sculpted chin and soft hair that begged to run fingers through. A vision of a flawless man.

He was panicking so much the poor man was sweating under his suit.

‘Tomio’s wrong. He couldn’t have confessed to me.’ She looked back to her friend. There was no joking smirk on her face this time. There had to be a mistake!