The Chancellor's Office

The feeling of being watched remains even after I leave, my steps fast and hard as I hurry toward Administration. Hallways stretching endlessly in front of me, walls closing in on me as if their hold on reality is slipping away.

Moving shapes follow me on every smooth surface, and there are so many of them. I’d never reflected on how much glass is everywhere. Windows, glass display cases, screens, even posters in simple glass frames line the walls. The overhead lights flicker, the shadows grow darker.

I barely resist the urge to run. To escape into the sunlight. Hands clenching into fists by my sides, nails digging into palms. The pain is grounding, and I take a deep breath.

I’m just nervous. I’ve never been called to the Chancellor’s office before. Never even been reprimanded. What can he possibly want?

After all, I’m doing a good job, keeping up with my tasks even if I’ve taken up my… side studies. And there’s no way he can know about my… unofficial borrowing of books and the occasional scroll. Right?

Besides, they’re in safe hands with me. I know how to handle rare, ancient things.

Then I’m in front of Chancellor Minamoto’s door, and I knock as politely as I can. Smooth down my hair and skirt. Control my breathing. Fine. Everything is fine.

“Come in.”

I open the door, step inside, and head toward the big wooden desk. The room is a classic office, imposing with its heavy furniture and traditional paintings. A very masculine room. One that tells a story of success. Authority.

“You wanted to see me, Chancellor Minamoto,” I say as I veer to the right and take a seat in one of the chairs by the window. There’s no way I’m going to stand in front of the desk like a schoolgirl waiting for a telling off. I tuck my knees and feet together, hands folded in my lap, and I smile at him. “You have a lovely office.”

“Thank you. And thank you for coming so swiftly.”

Well, it’s not as if I could have refused.

“Of course. No problem. What can I do for you?”

“It’s more a question of what I can do for you.” He leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. “I understand you have been working a lot lately, on top of certain private incidents.”

“Yes.” Where is he going with this? I might have used the library and archive for my new… project, but I hadn’t let it go out over my usual work. I was as meticulous as always. Had Mika insinuated otherwise? Someone else?

“There have been some concerns about your health lately.”

“My health?”

“Yes, you are familiar with the symptoms of stress and burnout, I presume? Because you are displaying several, which is understandable given your circumstances.”

My circumstances? I stare at him, at the way his lips move while his voice turns to a buzz, a cold dread rising in my chest.

“...also come to my notice that you’ve been misplacing materials, and using your company computer for private work. Accessing students’ accounts…”

One, just one account. Yours. His voice disappears in a wave again. Please, don’t let him fire me. I need access to the books. The artefacts. They hold the key to getting you back. I’m sure of it. He can’t take that away from me. I won’t let him!

“It won’t happen again,” I assure him, applying my best smile. “I got a bit carried away with excitement over the exhibition.”

“Again, understandable. And, since you’ve always been a hardworking and very appreciated member of our staff, I urge you to take care of your health.”

So, I’m not getting fired. I still have access. That’s a relief, still I don’t like where he’s going with this…

“We have a medical center here on campus. I think it would be good for you to visit them and talk to someone. They can help with stress management and handle all the needed documents for your medical leave.”

“My medical leave?”

“It’s just a formality. I’m sure they’ll give you some helpful advice, and you’ll be able to return to work as soon as you’re feeling better.”

Return to work? Nononono.

“Thank you for your concern, I really appreciate it.” My voice runs on autopilot while my mind screams at him. I need the books. I need my access. “I’m sure the medical team here is very skilled, but I’ve been seeing my family doctor, and I think it would be better for me to continue with him.”

“Excellent. I wish you a speedy recovery.”

“Um… is it immediate?” I know there’s no point in arguing about it, that’d probably only make things worse. But…

“Not at all.” His eyes soften, “And, Ms Mori… It’s up to you what reason you wish to tell your colleagues.”

“Thank you.” The others? Why would I need to explain myself to them? But, of course. He’s a proud man, so he must understand the humiliation of being perceived as weak. To be sent away. Normally, it would have crushed me. Now, all I can think about is how long I’ll have access to the library. “So…?”

“Today is Thursday. I suggest you finish your shift this afternoon and leave early tomorrow. After lunch.”

A day. He’s given me that much. I must make it count.

“Thank you, Chancellor.” Relief floods through me. I can get everything I need. Books, copies, I can take them home. And I’ll have more time. “I’ll make an appointment with my doctor as soon as I can, then hand in the paperwork.”

“Very well.” He glances at his computer screen, indicating that our meeting is over. Then he looks back at me, a smile ghosting over his lips. “I hope to see you back soon. Best of luck with your recovery, Ms Mori.”

I bow politely, then take my leave. I don’t need luck. I need hard work.

I must succeed.

My shadow grows long from the fluorescent ceiling lights as I walk back to the exhibition room. Distorted, out of sync. I keep my eyes firmly on it. On the floor. Avoiding all the shiny surfaces and the shapes in them. I need to focus. Make a plan. Select the works I need.

Mika would pester me for a reason for my upcoming absence. I suppose my taking out some hypothetical vacation days due to some bug in the system would shut her up. Yes. A nice working vacation. It might actually not be a bad thing… I have so much to do.

I’m going to need a bigger bag.