XII — Kazuko's Last Wish

The night was calm, and serene even. No loud echoes nor a sudden crowd.

Just an owl howling and some breezy trees.

Anna Kanzaki was sitting down on her bed, while skygazing upon those stars appeared out of the windom. Hoping for one of them to fall down, so she could perform her own ritual.

While doing so, she had been holding her fluffy plushie

A black-haired character from a show about tragic magical girls.

Maybe I shouldn't feel it that way...

In a way, she felt honored.

To befriend someone like him felt like a dream coming true.

A few hours ago, she was kicking her feet, giggling, and jumping like crazy.

She couldn't hide all of her excitements.

Pouring those into silliness, as this room had already been treated like her own mental space.

The one where she is more than allowed to freely and fully express herself.

I never knew he actually was like that...

And now, she then fell onto her bed, while daydreaming.

Soon after, she was imagining possible scenarios such as...

Mhm. A kiss on my lips from him wouldn't be that bad too.

Or how about something... dirty? Reita-kun?

All of a sudden, she wanted all of that already. 

And soon, she might have experienced it.

Who knows.

No no no, wait! That's a bit too far! 

In her head, he was already tugging off her clothes.

Reita-kun, no! We, we are not that...

Then, those unwanted, negative thoughts until she stopped them on her own.

Bad, bad Reita-kun!

Her imagination was fighting against those negative, intrusive thoughts.

Creating quite a war between her and the imaginary version of him.

Should I tell him? Wait, that would be too fast.

I feel like a weirdo again... I think.

The last time she had a friend was a few years ago.

He was quiet, not being able to socialize, and also as awkward as she is.

However, it only lasted for a week. He moved away from Aomori to Tokyo.

And during such a short period, she would share her interests about literature.

I forgot to ask his name...

His black, fluffy hair was clearly the last memory she had ever recognized from him.

"Anna, why do you love this Dazai-san the writer so much?"

"I mean, I don't get it, Anna. Kids like us shouldn't read these boring-"

"No, it's not boring!"

"Dazai-san is..."

"Dazai-san is actually so cool!"

If she said that right now, she would die out of embarrassment.

I mean, he is... isn't he? Dazai-san will always be so cool for me...

Despite disappointed by his life style, which fed cynicism in her heart, she always spent most of her times to read his interviews. She even studied his death just to validate her feelings for her.

But still, all of those negative things never made her truly despising him.

Instead, his flaws made him even so much cooler in her eyes. 

The fact he was as humane and normal as many others. 

Herself included. As she began to imagine those melancholic scenarios in her head.

If he held a contest or a photoshoot, I would be there I think.

Or if he was an idol, I would be his number one fan. No one else could be.

But still, again... she was just Kazuko longing for her MC.

I can't wait to talk again tomorrow.

She fell asleep then hugging her plushie. 

Her eyes went adrift, as she closed them immediately with a faint smile on her face.

...

Tomorrow morning was different.

Not for the routine, let alone her thoughts.

It was her feelings, the one that dictated her.

The first thing she did was to open her smartphone.

She saw the exact same message by her, but it was sent this morning.

The one about her love for her.

And after those iterations, she finally poured her feelings.

Into the text.

Dear Ryouko-san,

Sorry for not replying before. I did ignore them on purpose.

By the way, I have already prepared for your dinner yesterday.

How does it taste? Good? Terrible?

I know you are too busy but could you at least tell me?

I'm curious and missing the time when we used to have a dinner together.

Your dinner always tastes delicious, and father... he also loved it too.

I know I am not as good as you are, but I have tried my best.

I will get better one day. I promise.

By the way, sorry to ask this question but I really want to know.

Are you really that busy? I didn't know an office worker would be that late.

What are you doing out there? Did you miss him so badly?

I know, me too. I can tell you are from your scream in the middle of night.

You made weird noises. As if longing for something, or someone.

Alright, that's it. Sorry for texting you with this very long message.

I just want to let you know how much I love you and I wish you to come back.

And did you know? I found a new friend and I want to introduce him too.

Didn't you always tell me I need to socialize? 

Now, I finally have. So please, notice me... Ryouko-san.

With love,

Anna Kanzaki

The message stopped there, a delay couldn't be expressed by words.

"I wonder if it's a bit too much..."

She muttered to herself. Was worrying more about the number of characters she typed.

After all, it was never cheap to do so.

She then trimmed off some specific lines, especially the part where she repeated words.

"Okay, no. I think this is better."

She kept those lines instead after removing them.

As she finally submitted the message, tears were falling all of a sudden.

Eh? Why?

In her mind, it was too early to cry. But still, the river went into the downfall.

She never dared to say that line, or addressing her as what she really is.

I miss you so much, Mom. 

Please come back for me...

She could no longer hold it back, as she buried her face into her knees.

Then crying like a baby. A grown-up missing her childhood.

Expecting everything was different, or at least better than before.

Today, an unusual sight from her. The one who had always been so quiet.

Who was becoming more content, but now silenced by her own tears.