Chapter 14

The next morning, I wake up to find Aku standing at the front door of the apartment, a hand raised as he chants something I can’t understand in a low, soft voice. A faint slash of red glows above the doorframe, and when he closes his fist it vanishes on the spot.

“A minor blood spell,” he says with half-lidded eyes. He looks just as tired as he did last night; I wonder if he even slept a wink. “The apartment is sealed. The door and balcony are secure.”

“So…that demon won’t be able to find us here?”

He shakes his head, and I let out a sigh of relief.

“Will humans notice?”

“Not unless they’re familiar with demonic spells and methods.”

Like Yukari. But I keep that to myself; no need to make Aku call her a witch again.

Although, I wonder just how far her knowledge of demons and spells extends. She casts them, sure, but just how powerful is she? And does her background with spells make Aku not trust her, on instinct? There are so many more things I want to ask him—and her—but now’s not the time nor the place. Our main goal is locking down our apartment and keeping an eye out for that rogue demon.

Our apartment… No, my apartment. Get it right, Ichika.

🔥

Thankfully, the next few days go by without any issue. Aku says that demons prefer to stay out of sunlight, which helps with going back and forth from my library job in Tokyo. Aku still walks me home when I have a late-night shift at the store. No suspicious characters lingering about, either. Looks like that blood spell Aku put on the apartment is actually working.

Yukari hasn’t been in touch with me regarding her research, but I don’t want to reach out to her yet. Maybe the rogue demon attack was just a fluke. If it happens again, I’ll let her know. The last thing I want is to bother her with something like that, especially if it’ll anger Aku.

I can already hear it: I don’t need any help from that witch.

But if it shows up again—or worse, if it tries to attack Naomi or Yagi or anyone else…

No, stop it. Don’t think like that.

“You’re terrified, aren’t you?”

I pause right there on the sidewalk. Aku stands next to me, his hands in his pockets as he quirks an eyebrow at me. It’s rather cloudy out today, so he’s left his usual hoodie at home. He met up with me at the train station after his usual walk.

“…Huh?”

“I can tell.” He taps my forehead with a gloved finger, a soft look on his face. “Thinking about that demon again?”

There’s no point in lying, so I just nod. Aku sighs and lowers his hand.

“Don’t. Have some faith in my spell casting skills, will you?”

“Well, it’s not just that. I don’t want it to attack you again.”

It scared me. But I hold my tongue. I don’t even want to dwell on it for too long.

No, bad Ichika. Bad.

Aku huffs and swipes a hand through his messy black hair. Blending in with the leather glove, I can see one of my hair ties around his wrist.

“I fought him off. I could do it again, if I had to.”

“But you shouldn’t, that’s my point.”

“So what do you suggest?”

I swallow hard, pausing in my tracks. I can’t bear to meet his eyes, even as he stops and turns to face me.

“…I don’t want you to have to keep protecting me. Maybe if we—”

“No.”

Damn it! How did he even know what I was gonna say?

But his eyes and voice are unusually soft this time. “I won’t share my magic with you. That’s not part of our agreement.”

“But why? Wouldn’t it be better if I knew how to use spells like you and Yukari do?” I don’t miss the twitch of his jaw when I mention her name. “Surely there’s a way to share it without…you know…”

Physical intimacy.

“No. Humans can only take so much of a demon’s power before their bodies burn out. If there’s one thing that witch and I agree on, it’s that you’re a human who must be guarded. If I share my magic, it could take years off your life.”

The lump in my throat only thickens. Yet another contract of sorts. Do demons do anything with humans that don’t ultimately end in their untimely demise?

Should’ve known better, Ichika. Now I’m stuck with a demon hunting me, and I have no way of protecting myself, apart from depending on the demon beside me.

But even now, I can’t say I regret it. Aku has nestled himself in my life like a stray cat, and I don’t have the heart to kick him out.

“But—”

“Ichika.” His voice is borderline gentle as he meets me face to face, his gloved hand resting atop my head. “Please, don’t worry yourself over it. I can handle it alone.”

But you shouldn’t have to.

More than once, I’ve found myself wishing I was more like Yukari. Confident and knowledgeable in all things demon-related, capable of helping out in a fight instead of watching from the sidelines. Perhaps if I’d been knowledgeable before summoning Aku…

Still, I stand my ground and stare up at him. “You have to promise me, Aku—if there’s anything I can do to help, or even take some of the weight off your shoulders, just let me know. I’m not as useless as you all think I am.”

That gets a smile out of him. “Never said you were.”

I roll my eyes and gently push his hand away. “Promise me?”

His eyes soften considerably, so much I start to wonder if he pities me. But before I can dwell on it he turns around with his hands in his pockets.

“Yeah, fine. I promise.”

Sorry excuse of a promise, but I’ll take what I can get.

The two of us begin our walk again, side by side. It’s still too early for dinner, so we head right for the usual street to the apartment. Silence settles over us; it’s not uncomfortable, but it’s also not ideal.

I know I keep saying I have to be patient with him, but sometimes it’s hard to be. Especially when there might be more demons after us.

We get to the complex, ride the elevator up to the twelfth floor—but just as we reach it Aku curls his gloved fingers around my arm. His other arm lashes out, blocking me from the opened doors of the elevator.

My heart lurches. Demons?!

“Someone’s near your door.”

“Eh?! Is it…that demon from earlier…?”

He shakes his head, then sniffs the air again. His black eyebrows knit together.

“It’s…human.”

A human? The only humans who know where I live are the girls, Yagi, my brother, and my parents—

My eyes widen—then I yank my arm from Aku’s grip. He lets me go, but follows close behind as I race down the hall. He seems to know where my mind is at, since he doesn’t try to stop me.

Sure enough, my intuition proves right. Kota’s lingering just outside the apartment door, shifting his weight from one leg to the other. He’s still dressed in his usual office attire, which only makes me even more annoyed.

Come right from work in Kyoto all the way to Tokyo—and I can guess the reason why.

“Kotaro.”

I rarely use his full name; he’s always been “Kota” or “Ko,” ever since I held him in my arms at four years old. It catches him off guard, I can tell by the way he jolts and nearly bumps into the doorframe.

He offers a smile—but it drops immediately when he sees the man (erm, demon) at my side.

But I don’t have the energy to find it funny. Not today.

“…Ichika. Who’s he?”

“That’s none of your business. I thought you said you wouldn’t show up like this at my place anymore. You know how I feel about it, Ko.”

It’s weird and it makes me feel like I can’t do anything without my brother—and by extension, my parents—watching over me. Like I can’t go to work or even take a nighttime walk without it getting back to me.

Yet another reason why I prefer Yagi-san’s company over theirs.

Kota clears his throat and gives me a pointed look. “I know, and I would’ve given you a heads-up if there had been time. Can we talk inside?”

I cross my arms with a glare. “We can talk out here.”

“I meant alone.”

His eyes narrow as he slips into protective brother mode. He straightens himself up to meet Aku’s eyes, just as the demon curls his lip at him.

“My sister didn’t mention having a boyfriend.”

“He’s not my boyfriend!”

Why does everyone just assume that?! Is the thought of me having a guy friend really that unfathomable?

But I might as well be invisible with the way the two of them are glaring at each other. Aku bares his fangs, but to his credit Kota doesn’t back down. Formal wear aside, my brother used to fight with the neighborhood kids a lot when we were younger, so he knows how to throw a proper punch.

Not sure how that’ll hold up against a literal demon, but I’m curious to see the outcome.

Kota snorts and finally shifts his clear blue gaze to me. “You didn’t tell me you were seeing someone.”

“First, why should I? You never tell me about your relationships—and let’s keep it that way. Second, he’s my friend. Not that it’s any of your business to begin with.”

He shakes his head with a sigh. “Ichika, I don’t want you getting mixed up with the wrong crowd.

Sheesh, you’d think I was the younger sibling here!

“Kota, I’m not gonna stand here and listen to you lecture me. Why are you here?”

“I’ll tell you once we’re inside. So you can go home,” he sneers at Aku.

Before I can even respond, the demon shoulders his way in between me and my brother. “I live here too, you know.”

My mouth falls open—a mirror image of my brother’s face. Minus the obvious blood vessel that most likely popped at that.

“Eh?! Who do you—”

“Okay, stop!”

I plant myself between brother and demon, both hands on their chests to hold them back. I glare up at Aku, then at Kota.

“Both of you, shut it. I’m tired from work and I just want to sleep. Aku, be nice. And Kota—you get five minutes.”

He turns his nose up. “I don’t need an audience to talk to my own sister.”

“Oh, for the love of—fine! Aku, stay in the—erm, your room, okay? I just need to talk to him for a bit.”

I open the door and gesture inside. Kota sashays into the main dining area, but Aku lingers in the doorway. He glances at Kota, then quirks an eyebrow at me.

“…I don’t trust him.”

“I don’t trust you either!”

“Zip it, Kota! Aku, he’s my brother. He might be a jerk, but I trust him. So you can trust him.”

He still looks doubtful, and to be honest I don’t really blame him. I’d be nervous too, if some random guy showed up after I’d just put up a blood spell to keep out demons. Human or demon, I can’t fault him for being wary of Kota.

I reach up and touch his shoulder, putting on my best smile. “It won’t take long. Just give us some space, okay?”

He doesn’t like it, I can tell, but he doesn’t refuse either. He merely grunts and heads right for the bedroom, closing the door behind him.

As I lock up the apartment, I can hear Kota pull out one of the chairs at the small table. He plops himself into it—quite unbecoming of a salaryman, if I say so myself.

“He went into your bedroom.”

“You seem more concerned with him than I am.”

He frowns at that. “You shouldn’t date men like that. I don’t like the way he carries himself.”

“If I told you every grievance I had with the girls you hung around with in high school—”

“It’s different, Ichika!”

No, it’s really not. But I bite my tongue and take a deep breath. Please, grant me the patience and strength to not strangle my brother right now.

“Anyway, I know you didn’t come all the way out here to berate my choice of men.” Not that Aku is my type, but whatever. “So spill.”

Kota suddenly averts his gaze; he’s much more interested in the tap of his fingertips against the table. I grit my teeth; I can have patience for Aku, but not for surprise visits from my brother.

“Kotaro, I swear, if you don’t—”

“Mom wants to see you again.”

My voice dies in my throat. It takes a few seconds to clear my head and come up with an answer.

“…If she wanted to see me, she could’ve just texted me. She doesn’t need to send you in her place.”

I know I sound like a bitch, but I can’t help it. Kota glares at me and straightens up in his seat.

“She didn’t send me, Ichika. I came on my own accord. If you want my opinion, you should come back to Kyoto. At least, a little bit closer than you are now.”

I blink. This is nothing new to me; every few months we dance around the same conversation. But this is the first time he’s said so to my face, staring at me with a borderline scowl and eyes filled with pity.

No, disappointment. I’ve made my own choices, and just like everyone else in our family, I’ve let him down.

“…Excuse me?”

He sighs once more, touching the bridge of his nose. He still has a dent from years of wearing glasses, just like me, until he started wearing contacts early last year.

“I wanted to talk to you about this face to face, okay? Mom misses you. I’m worried about you. And Dad is—”

“Don’t.”

He pauses, then glares up at me. “Don’t what, Ichika?”

“You know what.”

My knuckles are stark white, but I know my face is a bright shade of red. I can feel my hands trembling, and my teeth nearly shatter from gritting them so hard.

Don’t you even say that bastard’s name.

But my brother is relentless—and possibly a bit dull—because he keeps pressing the issue.

“Listen, I’m not saying you have to forgive and forget everything. I don’t expect you to. But you can’t just erase him from your life like he never existed.”

“Watch me.”

That gets a growl out of him. “Now you’re being ridiculous. He’s been making good progress, you know. Mom’s starting to trust him again—”

“She never stopped.”

He shoots up from his seat. “Damn it, Ichika—I can’t win with you!”

No, you can’t. I’ve made up my mind, and there’s no changing it. Not when it comes to this.

“All I’m saying is, it wouldn’t hurt to drop by once in a while and say hello to your own parents.”

“Oh, you mean the man who threw us all away the second it benefited him? The same one who clearly didn’t care about us the second things got tough?”

Kota swipes a hand through his hair. “You’re still living in the past—”

“Damn right I am! You saw how he treated Mom—we both saw it! We saw just how little his own wife and children meant to him. The bastard never even had the guts to apologize!”

“You haven’t given him a chance to!”

“I gave him plenty of chances. Now that I’m finally out of the house he wants to play nice? No thank you.”

I don’t need to be lectured like this. Not when we both saw it with our own eyes.

But Kota doesn’t let up. He pinches the bridge of his nose with an exasperated groan.

“Ichika…I swear, I love you but you can be so damn selfish sometimes.”

It feels as though the air’s been ripped from my lungs.

Selfish.

An ugly black stain above my head. Ice in my veins, a ragged claw lodged in my throat. Faintly, I remember reading a book that described fear as a lanky phantom hand that wrapped its wrinkled fingers around your heart.

This feels a little like that.

Is that how he sees me?

A tidal wave crashes over me. First it’s shock, cold and clammy. Then it’s fear—is this how others see me? Then confusion… Why? I’ve tried to do everything right, tried to stay out of everyone’s way.

Finally, it’s anger. I see red, and my voice explodes from my throat.

“Selfish? No…I’m not being selfish. Selfish is thinking only of yourself—and not the people around you. Selfish is not answering your wife’s texts at midnight when she’s waiting for you to come home from work. Selfish is missing your son’s dinner celebrating his new promotion at work and showing up nearly an hour after it already ended. Selfish is seeing another woman behind your wife’s back and pretending you haven’t raised kids with her for the last twenty years!”

I’m screaming now, so loud I think the neighbors can hear me from down the hall. But I can’t stop, not even when I think my vocal cords will snap.

“You don’t get to call me selfish if you’re taking his side in all this. Not when you and I know full well what he’s done in the past—and what he continues to do to this day!”

For the first time, I seem to get through to my brother. But it’s too late now, even as he sputters out an excuse.

“Ichi—”

“I don’t want to hear it, Kotaro. Leave now.”

“But I—”

“I said leave!”

I grab his wrist and all but drag him out the door. My arm hurts from how hard I throw him; maybe I would’ve laughed at the way he trips over his own two feet if I wasn’t so heated.

The door slams shut. I press my forehead to it, choking back sobs as I hear his footsteps through the hallway.

No, don’t cry. It’s not worth it, Ichika. It never is.

I suck in a shaky breath, wipe my eyes, and turn around—only to see Aku standing in the doorway of my bedroom.

“A-Aku… I’m sorry—”

He doesn’t need to see me like this. He shouldn’t have had to hear me screaming like that. It’s always awkward, like when you’re at a friend’s house and they start arguing with their parents, and you just want to sink into the floor and disappear.

I wouldn’t blame him if he left right now, just to put some space between us. I’m sure I’d do the same if the roles were reversed.

I try to smile, but the tears are already rolling down my cheeks. I lose sight of his crimson gaze as I try to wipe them away with my sleeves.

“’M sorry… Just need a minute—”

This is so embarrassing. He’s never seen me like this before.

“…Ichika.”

Against my better judgment I look up, just as he reaches over and smooths a gloved hand across the span of my cheek. A few stray tears dribble down, but he’s quick to catch them before they fall.

His crimson eyes are the softest I’ve ever seen them.

“It’s…okay. I’ve got you.”

My eyes go wide, my breath caught in my lungs.

I’ve got you.

No one’s ever said that to me. Whenever I’m upset, I retreat to my room and don’t come out until I can smile again. I’ve never had someone else witness my crash-outs like this before. There’s been no one to lean on.

No, I haven’t let anyone stick around long enough to lean on them.

But Aku’s still here. A demon who’s touching my face with the softest hands and the gentlest eyes in the world. Offering his hand to me—just as I did to him all those months ago, when he first stumbled into my life.

The floor touches my knees; I wrap my arms around myself, gasping for air as the tears flood down my face. Through the pitiful blubbering I can see Aku kneeling down in front of me, as he touches the top of my head.

He’s here. I’m not alone anymore.

So lean on him, Ichika.

I grasp the front of his shirt, my face buried in the soft black fabric. The tears just keep coming, and before I know it the words are falling out of my mouth. But honestly, I can’t find the energy to stop them.

“Selfish—he called me selfish! My own brother, when we both saw it happen! I can’t face him anymore, Aku, I can’t… I won’t! He doesn’t care, I know he doesn’t. He’s never cared—if he did he wouldn’t have done it in the first place!”

I’m not talking about Kota anymore, and I think Aku knows it by now. But he remains silent as I scream my frustrations into his shirt.

“Y-you know what he did, when I confronted him? You know what his answer was? Nothing. He just stood there, silent. Then moved on to something else. At least lie to me! Try to defend yourself!”

But I know it’s useless. No one’s listening, no one cares. And suddenly I’m nineteen years old again, sobbing into my hands as my father just stands there. No comforting words, no sugar-coated lies to save face. Just absolute dead silence.

Aku says nothing. He doesn’t ask questions or offer words of comfort. But he also doesn’t push me away, not even when I tear at his shirt with my nails.

I don’t know whether I should shove him away or yank him closer. Either way, the tears keep coming, and they don’t stop until every bone and muscle in my body aches with exhaustion.