In The Spotlight: I

The storm had only gotten worse. The sliding door to the balcony rattled away, so much so that I was almost worried it would somehow rattle off its track. Alyx's assessment of the available food was not positive; it was mostly single microwave meals. She was 'between grocery store trips'. In the end, she decided to dig out a packet of miso dashi and some tofu, and scooped some rice into the rice cooker.

"Take a shower if you want, I'll leave some spare pyjamas outside for you."

Taking her suggestion, I made my way to the shower area. The shower was in a room, next to a small utility area with a washing machine, a sink and a broken mirror. This place felt different to the rest of the house. Alongside the broken window, the floor was showing signs of wear and water damage. A rug had been laid out to cover the worst of it, but it was still evident. I undressed and laid my clothes on top of the washing machine, before grabbing a towel and hanging that on the shower-room door.

The shower-room itself was clean enough, though there were signs of age and marks that looked like they could never be fully cleaned. It wasn't often, but I hated using an unfamiliar shower. Having to work out what would make an equable temperature, adjusting the pressure, being too hot and then too cold. It felt like a humiliation ritual. This showerhead didn't even have an adjustable pressure. After fiddling with the hot and cold taps, eventually the temperature was just as I liked it. The pressure lacked slightly, but I could live with it. The body-soap, shampoo and conditioner were all not my usual, but I was in no position to complain. They cleaned me up, I suppose, and that was all I could ask.

Stepping out of the shower, I grabbed the towel and noticed the pyjamas had been laid out neatly on the washing machine, while my own clothes had been taken. The pyjamas were surprisingly cutesy, the tee having an illustration of a ram, while the bottoms were pink with a few cartoon bear-heads adorning it. Once I dried my hair and the scent of the shampoo had faded, I could smell Alyx's cooking. The table in the centre of her room now had a second floor-pillow, presumably pulled from the cupboard, and so I sat down under the table. Two futons had also been laid out.

Alyx brought out the bowls of soup and rice and sat down, and we ate mostly in silence. The food was nothing special, but I appreciated it nonetheless. It was warm and filled a hole, and the wind was still raging outside. I decided that, if nothing else, I would at least clean up. Alyx told me I did not need to, but I insisted, and insisted, and eventually she relented.

"Get us a beer while you're in there, then."

Offer to clean the dishes and I'm suddenly your personal servant?

"Um, where should I put the dishes?"

"Just leave 'em on the side."

Whatever.

Opening the fridge, it seemed she was running low on everything but beer. Three different brands, too. I had no idea what the difference was.

"Which type of beer do you want, Alyx?"

"'S whatever. All goes down the same hole."

Charming.

I grabbed the golden can. It seemed fancier.

"Grab yourself something too, if you want."

There was nothing to grab. The idea of taking a can for myself did pass my mind, until I remembered how horrible the stuff smelled whenever Papa would have on with dinner. The sound of… Something was coming from the room. Alyx had taken out her laptop and was now watching some video. I passed her the can and she angled laptop in such a way that we could both see. It was some clip from a nature documentary.

Surprising.

"If there's anything you wanna watch, then just, y'know, let me know."

"No, it's fine."

After the video ended, there was again another silence, interrupted sometimes by the rattling of the door. Alyx was checking her phone, in no rush to queue up something else. I decided to take this opportunity to ask something.

"Hey, how'd the mirror get broken?"

"How'd ya think?"

Falling over when drunk? Moving the cabinet?

"I dunno."

I replied. I really did not know. She put her phone down and stared at me, before replying in a flat voice.

"We had an argument."

With a mirror?

"W-Why?"

"Because it's fucking ugly."

"…"

I did not know what to say. I felt embarrassed for even asking anything. The silence now was greater than before, more crushing. I thought about leaning over to the laptop and finding something, anything, to put on to break the silence, but before I could Alyx stood up and strolled out the room. I heard the sound of metal on metal; her can being thrown into the recycle bin. She returned with another beer, this time in a silver can.

Instead of sitting down, though, she placed her can on the table and then walked over to her guitars. After picking up her acoustic guitar, she sat cross-legged on the futon and started plucking some notes. It seemed random at first, until she started to play a melody that I half remembered.

"This is the song you were talking about, right? The one I was playing on that stage?"

It was. It was unclear at first, but this was definitely that song. A sense of excitement came over me, and I nodded.

"Well, enjoy this solo-live. Hopefully the storm is loud enough that my neighbours won't hear and complain again."

Though the melody sounded familiar, it was more muted than I remembered. Almost melancholic. I assumed she was playing it softer so as to not make too much noise, or perhaps she just did not have the energy or the will to commit to the same type of performance she had given on stage. It made the song take on a new meaning, I felt. I remembered it as being a happy, joyous, stupid love song. It was still a love song, and the lyrics were as cringe as I remembered, but now it sounded sad and bitter. She looked sad whilst playing it, too. Well, until she saw me starting at her, whereupon she gave me a wink and a smile.

"… And with you behind me, I know I can stand in the spotlight."

And finished. I gave a little clap and she returned to sitting under the table, cracking open her beer as she did.

"You like that?"

"Yeah, I think. It's an original song?"

"Of course it is, who else could have written that dumb song besides a stupid teenager?"

"It wasn't that dumb… When did you write it?"

She took a big gulp out of her can.

"A couple years ago, second year of high school. First song I ever wrote."

I giggled.

"Aw, that's cute. You wrote it for some guy?"

She took another drink and shook her head.

"Nope."

"It's a love song though, right? So who did you write it for if not—"

"You're a smart girl aren't you? You can figure that one out."