On the Heights (Part 1)

The first time it snowed after Nelle arrived on our planet, she’d been scared.

I didn’t understand why. It wasn’t even a storm, just a flurry of light flakes. Later, she explained that, to her, it had looked like the pale sky was falling in a million tiny, cold pieces. As she started a new life on a foreign planet—no matter how brave she was trying to be—the unfamiliar sight had shaken something deep within her.

Not knowing how to soothe a fear I didn’t understand, all I could think to do was open the collapsible umbrella in my backpack and hold her hand as I walked her to the car waiting to take her home. The grateful smile she gave me once she was safe from the breaking sky made me think being her ambassador wouldn’t be so bad after all.

* * *

I’d completely forgotten my plan to overcome my fear of heights.

This was my first realization when I woke up the next morning, the light-panel ceiling of the residence pod greeting me with a warm yellow glow that mimicked the hue of a just-risen sun. I’d gone up to the observation zone, stared at the moon. And then I’d left before the platform had completed the flip that would expose me to the planet’s surface.

Why had I gone through the pain of forcing myself up there, only to forget the whole reason for the visit? I wasn’t even the absent-minded type–

Oh.

I rocketed up from my pillow, the memory of my lips pressed against a certain person’s palm bursting into my head. I felt my cheeks heat and put my face in my hands, strands of my messy bed head between my fingers.

What were you thinking!?

When I was a kid, my mom had shown me an old anime with a redheaded heroine. Once, she’d read me the book the show had been adapted from, and I still remembered how often the protagonist had described herself as “mortified.”

Right now, I could probably give her a run for her money in that department.

Kissing her palm like that!? Promising I wouldn’t make her wait much longer!?

I dragged my hands down my face, bunching the comforter in my fists. Having my own palms so close reminded me too much of the storm of impulse that had pulled her hand to my mouth. My ears burned, as much from the memory as from the certainty that I’d repeat the kiss a hundred times if I had to.

Had to? Like someone would have to force me into it?

No. I wanted to do it again.

The moment I had the thought, some final barrier I hadn’t known had still been there gave way. In my chest, a clench of something overpowering—desire or attraction or love or something else—stole my breath.

I slumped back into my pillow, letting an arm fall across my eyes. Not that blocking out the light of the room would shut out the images of my lips pressed to Nelle’s hand, embracing her, holding her face, drawing her mouth toward…

“Why didn’t you just say it?” I groaned out loud.

I love you.

I slapped the explanation I’d given to Nelle to avoid saying those words around in my head. It was nonsense. As if kissing her would confirm my feelings but just confessing wouldn’t.

And then I’d gone ahead and kissed her hand like that…!

I threw myself back and forth on my bed as embarrassment gripped me again, making pathetic bleh’s and other wordless noises until I was completely tangled in the sheets.

Of course, that was when it hit me. An irresistible compulsion to go over to Nelle’s pod and confess hurled me out of bed. Even with my legs wrapped together like a mummy’s, I lurched with passion toward the short hallway between me and the door.

Unsurprisingly, I only made it a hop or two before careening into the wall and slamming into the floor.

“Ack!”

I lay there, one arm pinned to my side, looking through the white mess of my bangs toward the door.

What am I even doing?

How could the person who played it so cool while carrying Nelle piggyback to the residence pods last night be the same one splayed on the ground, a rope of spun-up sheets leading from him back to the bed? Even with the pressure of her clasped hands against my chest, the feel of the side of her face against my back, the closeness of our bodies, I hadn’t lost it like this.

Maybe it was because I hadn’t actually been playing it cool at all. I’d just been my normal self as we made our way down the Arboretum ramp, even with Nelle on my back. After all, what was more normal than Nelle and I supporting each other? Somewhere in the years of being her ambassador, the duty of being at her side had transformed into something I did because I wanted to. Once the obligation had lifted as peace descended, I hadn’t wanted to stop. So I didn’t. Neither of us did.

And who needs to play it cool when they’re just being themselves?

Above me, prompted by my flurry of motion, the calming warm tones of the light shifted into a clearer, whiter light. I wormed my way up to sitting, freeing my trapped arm so I could extricate myself from the sheets. Composure regained, I went about restoring the bed and getting dressed for the day.

As I changed clothes, washed my face, and adjusted the part in my hair over my left eye, I let my thoughts wander through the meteorite storm of emotion I’d just experienced. But as violent as my feelings had been, their meaning, or, rather, the course of action they demanded was simple: I had to confess to Nelle as soon as I could.

I didn’t know what would come after I crested that mountain. It didn’t matter. Whatever happened on the heights, I’d be doing it with Nelle.

Just as I always had.

The others were already there when I arrived at the restaurant we’d agreed on the night before. I slid into the waiting seat next to Nelle. Mav sat on her other side, across the table from an Elliso who gave me an inscrutable lift of his eyebrows as I sat.

“Hey,” was all Nelle said in greeting, although a small smile that was more than just a “hey” graced her mouth and, under the table, her knee knocked into mine.

“Morning,” I said, immediately turning my gaze to acknowledge the others before I could get distracted thinking about how close to those smiling lips I’d come last night.

“You good, Annin?” Deji asked as I sat down. “Heard a loud thump in your room when we were walking past earlier.”

“A loud thum–?”

Great. Someone I knew had just so happened to be walking by my pod at the time of my collision with the wall. Or with the floor. One of the two.

“To be precise, it was two thumps,” Pera said, evaluating me from her seat across from Nelle. “In quick succession.”

Or both.

“Two?” Deji turned to Pera, his attention diverted from me. “I only heard one.”

“That is because you were talking so loudly that you missed the first.”

“Don’t think I would have missed something like that,” Deji said with a serious shake of his head. “You sure you weren’t hearing things?”

“I might be about to hear your last breath,” Pera answered, narrowing her eyes.

“Whoa, whoa,” Elliso cut in. “You mean you heard Annin battling his demons and didn’t stop to help?”

“I didn’t need any help! And I wasn’t battling any demons!”

“That’s so sad,” he continued dramatically, ignoring my protests. “A friend in need and no one to aid him!”

“The only thing needing aid here is your head,” Mav said. Presumably with an under-the-table kick, from the way Elliso yelped in pain a second later. “Annin was looking frazzled enough when he got here without you piling on.”

“I’m only piling on to Annin because someone else won’t let me pile on to them,” Elliso said, followed by another yelp.

“Don’t be crass,” Pera said, pulling her elbow back from his side.

“Too forced,” Mav said, leaning back after another presumed kick. “That’s a bottom-tier line from you.”

“So what happened to you?” Deji said to me. “Were those noises why you were late?”

I gave Nelle a desperate look, only to be answered with a bright, faux-innocent smile.

“I’d like to know what’s going on up in your head, too, Annin.”

I had the feeling she was talking about something completely different than everyone else.

The others quieted down at Nelle’s words, Mav leaning around Nelle so they could see me. My gaze jumped from them to Elliso, who seemed awfully delighted for someone who had just taken two kicks to the shin and an elbow to the torso. Pera, face impassive, observed me patiently, while Deji’s curiosity had him leaning so far forward that his chin was almost jutting into his stack of pancakes.

Well, I had made one other commitment besides confessing to Nelle before I’d left my pod.

At least this time I’d be telling a truth to cover up something I wasn’t ready to tell everyone.

I took a deep breath.

“So,” I began. “I wanted to tell you guys something.”