Don’t Lose Your Way

I couldn’t believe what I heard, Rook had told me in no uncertain terms that he would get me out of here if I “showed him something interesting.”

What does that even mean?

I couldn’t stop thinking about a million possibilities when I made it back to the girls dormitory.

“Hey new girl! Get over here!”

Uh oh… I forgot about the hazing, even though it almost got me killed.

The hallway was lined with fourth years standing at attention and getting yelled at. Some were on the ground crying or sweating.

A second year girl with short brown hair and wearing gym clothes strolls over, grabs me by my tie, and yanks me forward. She pulls me like a dog on a leash.

“Get on the floor facedown now!”

I obeyed and got on the floor, wondering what they’re going to do to me—

“Now, up!”

“Huh? Okay.”

I got back on my feet which made her scream even louder.

“What are you doing? I didn't say you were dismissed! Get down and do push-ups idiot!”

“Ohhh, pushups.”

“….”

“But.”

“….”

”I can’t do push-ups.”

It was true, I was never into athletics or running around. Even in gym class I couldn’t throw a dodgeball to save my life and I would have flunked all their fitness tests if they hadn't been based on participation.

That wasn’t me, I was a nerd. There was no way I could do a single push-up, no chance.

The short haired girl didn’t seem to care and instead called over the rest of the upperclassmen. Great job Angelica, you just made things worse…

They all converged on me like hyenas: screaming, laughing, and growling. I felt like I was being devoured alive.

Someone stepped on my head and drove my face into the floor—

“Owwww.” I cried as pain escaped my lips. I felt my skull vibrate and became nauseous.

“Now! UP!”

What is wrong with them?

”Come on trash!”

“Hurry up!”

”HAHAHAHA!”

I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

These people… they—they—

They.

Should.

Just.

Die.

I felt something building up inside of me that I hadn’t felt before. My whole life was built around avoiding conflicts and obeying whatever I was told.

I never said anything back when my friends laughed and teased me like this. I just laughed with them, after all, it’s best to avoid negative feelings like—

ThEy sHoULd juST diE.

Anger.

They should just die.

Rage.

THEY SHOULD ALL DIE!

Yes, that’s what should happen.

The girl’s shoe is still pressing on my head but it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to stand this for another second!

I pushed up so hard upward the girl lost balance. She tripped on another girl from the pack and fell to the floor.

The short haired girl was squatting in front still yelling when I whipped my head up to come face to face with her. She flinched away.

Something in my face must have startled her. Good. I felt my body surging with electricity. My finger tips felt like I was touching an electrical outlet.

There was so much energy it spread to my chest, then stomach, groin, thighs, legs, and out through my feet. I was vibrating.

I started doing push-ups, I don’t know why, maybe to show them how much better I was or maybe I needed to burn off some energy.

I went up and down, up and down.

The pack of girls by now had quieted down.

And took a few steps back. Nobody stirred as I did push-up after push-up.

Beads of sweat dripped from my face but it felt good. The sensation was painful and pleasurable. I wanted more of it. I wanted to keep going and going and going!

I started laughing. It was hilarious, the whole thing was hilarious!

I lost track around 100 when I stopped and looked around—the upperclassmen had left and filed back to their rooms. Even my fellow fourth years had been dismissed with some of them peeking out from behind their doors.

They were scared of me. Good!

I jumped up to my feet, my uniform completely drenched. I could taste the salt on my lips. I wiped a bead of sweat and stuck my finger in my mouth letting my tongue wrap around its juiciness.

What a delightful feeling!

I had never felt this good before. Raw power surged through my body I couldn’t contain.

I owned this hallway, no—this entire dormitory was my domain.

When I arrived at my room I found my two roommates already studying. They must have made an agreement to ignore the scary monster because they didn’t react to my presence or my greetings. How rude! Maybe I’ll teach you a lesson in manners…

It would have been so easy, the little brown haired girl was right in front of me. I could just grab her from behind and squeeze her like a personal body pillow. Maybe that’s what I’ll do—make her my personal body pillow…

My hands are inches from her face, it would be so easy to grab her. I can see that she’s not really doing homework—she was trembling uncontrollably.

”When did you decide to go psycho?”

The voice was unmistakable, it was Angie. She had been watching.

I don’t know if I came to my senses but I suddenly felt a deep shame. I was being scolded by Angie. What was I doing?

This isn’t me…

In the shower the cold water splashed down my body but I couldn’t feel it. My heart and the guilt burned hot like a furnace. I needed something stronger: like one of those ice baths…

When I got back the lights were out and my roommates were in their beds pretending to be asleep. I couldn’t believe what had happened. I should be the scared cowering girl, not the bully.

What is happening to me?