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It's over.

There's a new virus going around that could break out into a pandemic. I barely survived the last one before it ended. 

I'm not sure if I did, or if it did, if I really think about it. But I don't want to. Brain fog.

I survived this. They got in touch with the therapist who suggested I write fiction. She disavowed it. She said this wasn't it.

What she didn't tell me was how much worse this would make it. The word is falling apart already and now so was I.

It doesn't matter. 

This is it. 

I had so many ideas and they won't go anywhere now. They never did.

These are all borrowed words with borrowed meanings. For you.

I don't want to cry. I wouldn't cry. Everything hurts so it's fine. 

I should have used pen and paper. Then I would have been making something real instead of pressing buttons to shove electrons around on something I barely understand. And change it. Nothing counts. 

They're not even squiggly marks anymore. Whatever. It's over.

You can push, you can fight, you can know you can win but you have to pay every time. For everything. 

The barefoot girl came to visit, when I could still have visitors, so that she could gloat. She hadn't been at the statue. 

It wouldn't have mattered. She was never important enough. I wouldn't have been able to tell you if she was there or not. I took her word for it. 

I didn't tell her that. It would have been mean. 

I told her I cared about her and she never did anything to deserve anything. But she took everything from me anyway. 

They all did.  

I got some of it back. I got something back. But it won't be the same. There's nothing left. And now I have to pay for it. Fine. I'm ready. 

I thought I saw Skull in the commissary once.

I wanted Moe to visit but he never did. I tried the telepathic phone.

Tiki was the last one to visit. She came and checked my teeth. She apologized for her husband, and said I could say so, but I told her he didn't have to. I did it to myself. But there it is. She did her best and I didn't.

Nobody else really came to visit, no one real, just the extras doing their jobs. And the authorities. Then I stopped getting visits so I could finally be alone.

Delete it. Delete it. Delete it. 

Don't delete me.