Chapter 25:

[Blog #8] - Final

Puchi Pura Midori!

(Draft - Unpublished)

I've lost count of how many times I've deleted this thing and rewrote it from scratch.

No.

No, you don't understand.

I'm talking about like, tens of thousands upon thousands of words, all gone.

Ctrl+A, Delete.

Rinse and repeat.

Over and over again.

I've been sitting here for the past two days, ever since I got back from Karasutome … and after those detectives let me go, trying to get it right.

Yes.

Gotta get the words right.

After all, it's the final post before I shut this whole thing down.

… But then, after so many failed attempts, especially now with the BARBARIAN HORDES at the door …

Maybe I shouldn't post this at all.

Maybe I should just close the blog as it is, without even saying anything.

Because what would be the point?

… And no, I can't use that same tired gag about having no readers waiting on this post.

Because there are a lot now.

I mean, a lot.

And not a single one of them a real Puchi Fan.

Most of them are trolls.

But we also got the sensationalist vultures, the true-crime tourists, rubbernecking to gawk at everything and anything Puchi Pura they can find online.

Oh, and let's not forget the rabid Sasa-shi "stans" (I still have no idea what this word means, nor do I really care) who've made it their new collective purpose in life to attack anything Puchi Pura related.

… Why give them all the satisfaction?

Screw 'em.

Yeah, you know what?

SCREW 'EM.

I'm going to crank this last entry out, here, alone, for nobody but me.

I'm gonna type this all out in one go. Get all my thoughts on this page.

And then i'm pressing delete on this entire site.

Goodbye, 17 years' worth of entries.

(You won't be missed.)

… Oh, I still cringe when I think about that first deleted entry, after I got back home and began writing.

I never published it, because I read it back after I was done.

Of course, by then the news had already broken, and the non-stop media coverage was already underway.

Social media, network TV.

And If I ever go outside again (spoiler: I won't), I bet it'll be on every magazine and newspaper cover.

But the non-stop coverage, the interviews of the FAC(T)'s surviving friends and family members, the … sheer, performative sensationalizing of the whole thing …

It was exactly what I had done in the first entry.

I had written a cheap, sentimental, tear-filled, cloying epitaph to the dearly departed.

Lots of, "I can't imagine how their families must feel" this, and "I'm shocked and speechless at the senseless tragedy" that, and celebrations of their careers, pictures, blah blah blah blah, etc.

I mean, don't get me wrong, it was terrible what happened. And they certainly didn't deserve it.

But it would be disingenuous of me to write something that excessively maudlin, when in truth …

… I didn't really care that much.

I think, after I deleted that first entry, I felt more emotion realizing that I didn't care about the tragedy, than I did the actual incident.

And now seeing all the Sasa-shi fans on TV crying and howling in pain as though they had lost someone close to them, really close to them, all I feel now is annoyance.

Like, shut up. Seriously, shut up.

Stop your pathetic crying.

You didn't know Sasahara Shiina, any more than I knew Miyazawa Misaki.

The truth is, Miyazawa Misaki, MiMi, betrayed all her fans—betrayed me—in the end.

Because MiMi didn't really care about Puchi Fans, did she?

Those monthly personal letters she wrote (did she ever write them? or was it just her agency writing those? really makes you wonder now doesn't it), her teary-eyed birthday vlogs in front of her own personal PuchiPura memorabilia and merch collection, thanking each one of us for our support over the years …

All of that was bullshit, wasn't it?

I never knew MiMi.

… Not even when she was sitting next to me, on that bench in Karasutome.

Oh, yeah, that happened, didn't it?

It was real.

And in an alternate reality, I might be the happiest PuchiBro across all parallel universes.

A reality where what … happened never happened; and I'd be here right now, back in my bedroom, gushing on and on about how Miyazawa Misaki was exactly like Miyanami Midori, down to every mannerism, and how I successfully conveyed to her about how much PuchiPura meant to me, and how much Midori meant to me, and the moment I gave her a link to this blog. (… Which I know she did read; it was why the detectives questioned me. The last website she visited before she … did what she did.) … How the others chased me away when they found MiMi, because they thought I was someone suspicious … I mean, I guess looking back I can't blame them.

… Well, that all actually did happen, all of it, but I'm certainly not writing that blog entry.

But I still can't believe that long-standing fantasy of mine, actually came true.

And while it might have been the happiest random event of my life in that very moment, what happened after, and all that we know now, retroactively snatched that happiness away from me.

Because it's simple:

If she cared about Puchi Pura, or Puchi Fans, or me, PuchiBro, then there's no way she would've ever done what she did in that Karasutome inn.

Because now we'll never get more of the series.

They're certainly not re-casting the dead actresses.

I mean, even before getting to that point, there's just too much baggage and controversy associated with the series to ever revisit it in any way, shape, or form.

… Yes.

Yes, I realize what I'm saying.

I'm angry at Misaki for doing what she did, not because she took the lives of four innocent people, but:

BECAUSE WE'LL NEVER GET ANOTHER SEASON OF PUCHI PURA NOW.

You wanna call me crazy for that?

I don't care.

You're not gonna be able to read this anyway, na na na na na na.

… So what now?

I mean, don't get me wrong.

I still love PuchiPura.

But I'm going to continue loving it on my terms.

The PuchiPura that exists in my memories, in my head.