Value of Love

I was getting interviewed by reporters as the prodigy artist of the new generation.

I could see my face through the reflection of the camera.

My long hair red there the length comes to my shoulders with a middle part and blue eyes were attracting.

I could see my tall body and the little details irritated me.

I saw my white jacket and my silver ring that was irritating me although I didn't know the reason.

You made an artwork which you sold for 200.000$.How do you feel reaching something like that with just being 19 years old? the female reporter asked me.

I don't really feel anything.It doesn't feel like I reached something. I said without thinking.

The reporter and the people watching were confused but I didn't care.

The reporter watched me in the eyes and asked:

Don't you know the worth of your art?

I flinched.

I had a weird feeling but I just said something and waited until it was over.

I was at home drinking some juice I bought earlier.

It was refreshing and I relaxed for a bit but...

The question that this female reporter asked me was sticking in my head.

Worth...

I heard the ring of the doorbell and I stand up to open it.

After I opened the door I saw my brother.

His short red hair seemed a bit longer than usual and his brown eyes seemed to glow unlike mine.

Hi big brother I brought something to drink for us. I even have the juice you like so much so would you mind letting me in? he asked showing some curiosity and and concern.

I could think of why he was here but I just let him in and closed the door.

We sat down to the sofa and he noticed that I already drunk some juice but didn't say anything.

You can ask it.

I said with a confident voice.

You sure notice everything, don't you? I wanted to ask why you said this kind of things in the interview.

I did know he would ask this. It was understandable after all, I just be as curious and the fact that I'm his brother doesn't help in this case.

I want to quit painting. I said and saw the horror in my brother's eyes.

W-What? What do you mean you want to quit? I thought you would want to become a big artist in the future. You inspired me so that I even started playing soccer and and trying to reach my dreams.

Yuma.

He stopped as I called his name.

I don't enjoy painting anymore...I don't fell excited anymore...I don't love it anymore...I'm quitting because of those reasons. I said too tired to be angry or shout.

He got tears in his eyes. My brother who was 5 years younger than me stood up went to the door and said:

I'm the little brother of the biggest dreamer in the world...you ain't him.

With this words he left my house.

The biggest dreamer in the world huh...? I mumbled

What kind of worth does a dreamer who doesn't reach his dream have? I thought relaxing on the sofa and turning the TV on.

I clicked in a YouTube video that was about me and a big artist who was known in the whole world has some words about me.

I listened to him.

He made a big artwork and sold it.
That's pretty impressive for his age but he won't got much further than that. He said with a voice that had certainty I never have seen before.

That guy is a prodigy but he is in a hole right now and if he doesn't reach the end then I can't think of anything that will take him out. The big artist said and I ignored it.

I relaxed and went to sleep.

The Next Day I woke up and drunk the juice my brother brought me.

I opened my refrigerator but I didn't have anything to eat.

I took my jacket, put on my shoes and went to the next store.

I wanted to buy some instant nuddles but then I saw a tea my brother liked.

I ignored it and brought another of the juice I liked and left.

Maybe I'm drinking too much of these... I thought although I didn't mind drinking it.

A sound picked my interest.

It came from a little alley and I went there.

I saw an old men getting punched by some guy who was the same age as me.

I went to the guy packed him at the shoulder and said that I would call the police if he won't leave now.

He probably recognized me and hesitated to say something but left.

You should focus not to get into arguments old men. How did you get into such a situation anyway? I said a bit curious.

Hey why the hell are you helping me out, you brat! He shouted at me

I was astonished.

An small, bald old men with a long white heart and a big scar on his right eye insulting me because I helped him? Maybe the society is lost after all.

I wanted to kick the ass of that stupid brat.

You wouldn't have done anything unless you had some kind of weapon beside you.

Oh shut up, I hate the kinds of you the most.

I was a irritated and asked:

You don't even know me, do you? How the hell can you already hate me let alone know what kind of men I am.

There are people like you everywhere. Given up the fire they had inside. I don't see anything exciting about you, not a goal nor something you want. Fuck off now I have no time for you. He said a bit irritated too.

I thought I would get angry. Someone ifront of me not seeing the value of my dream but...I didn't care.

I was thinking that all he was saying wasn't true yet I couldn't get any reason to say anything.

I pulled myself together and said:

Then what is your dream, old men? You don't seem like someone who has time for a new goal anyway.

A new goal? Bah! I'm going after my goal since I'm a middle schooler, brat!

And what is that goal that drives you to let you get killed on the streets? I asked

Becoming the strongest street fighter in the world of course!

He answered me without hesitation and with such a ridiculous answer that I would normally lough at but that old men meant it.

You're kidding, aren't you? How old are you, 90? I exaggerated.

78 and don't think dare saying I'm too old!

Why shouldn't I? It's obvious after all

The old men sighed and and said:

That's why I hate people like you. Young men you have there whole life informt of them yet doing nothing or in your case not having something you want to achieve.

I follow my dream since since decades and that's why I live today why I have a something to do in my life.

Remember this, brat:

People who doesn't dream aren't the same as the corpses under the earth. He said that and left.

I had a weird feeling but I ignored it.

That old men was just crazy, someone who give up on his life.

I just lived with selling a few other artworks of mine and living from it.

As time passed though I saw my artworks getting lower value time to time and people were discussing that I had a downfall.

Now 5 years later I lived in a rental apartment because I didn't had the financial luxury for a house anymore.

I clicked on a YouTube video about a guy who was doing many videos about me and did one 5 years ago where he spoke about me not getting far in art.

I guess he was right.

I listened to him while drinking my juice and then they asked him from where did he know that I would have not get that far.

I did know it because I saw it in his eyes. You can even if you loose everything control your body. This is a difficult ability but a unique that. He could use this technique but even then one part of his body shivering. Something nobody can control, an window of reflection that passed your brain. He build tension while saying it probably because of entertainment.

It's the eyes. He said dramatically.

The eyes is the window of to someones brain and and emotion. Nobody can control something like that. The time I saw that I was terrified. An eye with nothing not even for what he lived for. That boy was an prodigy and the meaning of becoming a prodigy destroyed him as a person. He said.

I was irritated.

How could that bastard dare... I paused while thinking loud.

my view got blurry and I felt tears crossing my cheeks.

Why...Why the hell...

I took the remote control from the television and wanted to close the video.

Then I remembered.

My brother is playing today...

He was now a 19 years old soccer player in Real Madrid probably the best soccer club in the world and he asked me to watch this game because it's the final of the champions League.

I wanted to watch it.

I looked everywhere to watch it and when I noticed I can't I pirated it.

And I saw him.

It's the 85th minute and my brother is getting subbed.

The striker got a bad injury and he plays on his position now.

My brother gets the ball.

He can past but he doesn't. He dribbled through 3 defenders and it's just beautiful to watch.

He got past the last one with a rainbow flick and the ball is in the air.

The last defender tries to get the ball.

My brother will get the first touch and he can pass to a teammate nearby.

They are so near from the goal and my brother reacts almost immediately.

He jumps and taking a volley where his foot is even beyond his head and it goes past the defender.

It was the 95th minute.

The opponents are in the lead with 3:4.

If my brother makes it they can still win.

The ball is crossing the air but he misses.

The game ends and they have lost.

I was so sad.

My brother got the chance of his life for finally showing what he got and this happens.

After the match he is in an interview and the reporter asks:

Why didn't you pass that ball earlier?
Why did you take the shot?

My brother was frustrated but calm.

I got a chance to prove myself and used it that's all. If I wouldn't use this chance of a lifetime I wouldn't deserve to get a second chance. He said.

I know someone who already gave up on his dream. I want to show him that I will not end like him. He continued but what he said next sticked in my head:

Only people who are chasing there dream are allowed happiness.
People who have a dream are just allowed satisfaction.

Satisfaction...? I mumbled.

I noticed my tears aren't flowing anymore but...I had an urge to puke.

I ran towards the bathroom and puked the hell out of me.

Then it all clicked.

That old men...

I took my jacket and ran out.

That old men wanted to be the strongest street fighter the only place I can imagine him going is to the strongest and if he is not there then I just need to wait there.

I asked a few people who would be the strongest in this area and they all answered with the same person.

I went to the place they told me he would be but also warned me.

I didn't care...I just wanted to see that old men again.

I was at a little landfill.

It stinked but I saw some people and went to them.

They signaled me to stop immediately and asked:

Who the hell are ya, ya moron? Don't ya know in which area ya are? He yelled at me.

He was a blond guy with some red outfit that looked like that he let the dogs eat it.

In the area of the strongest street fighter. I answered.

You're hella right! Now the hell ya want here? He yelled again.

I want to see an old men. He is bald, has a long white beard and a big scar on his right eye.

I explained but he throw immediately a punch at me.

My nose bleeded and I found myself on the ground.

The hell was th...

He kicked me immediately before I could ask him

Ya know this ain't a place for people like ya. Ya are that bastard artist aren't ya?

People who can't do anything for themselves ain't getting a welcoming here ya understand?!

I stood up, struggling and said:

I don't know for what kind of fucking codex or whatever you live but...I won't go anywhere until I get for what I'm here for.

He punched me again, again, again and again.

2 hours straight I got beaten up from a guy who was probably at the age of my younger brother.

He grabbed me at my waist. I didn't had the energy to resist and then he asked me again with a tired voice:

I will give ya a last chance, you got it?
If ya leave right away now I won't kill ya.

He took out a knife and put it to my throat just to let it bleed a bit.

I was afraid.

I was gonna die and didn't even get to meet that old men but...

Then do it, you stupid brat! I yelled.

Some street kid like you doesn't know the privilege of a normal life so it's just usual for you to do it. Prove me your place you stand on with that knife.

Not dreaming is the same as dying.

Before he could do something someone yelled from behind.

Stop!

He let go of me immediately after he saw the person.

I looked at the men coming and was amazed.

An almost 2 meter big guy with a muscular body that didn't had any flaws. He looked so powerful that he could easily win a fight against even a 100 of myself.

He had black hair with a slick back and seemed 2 to 3 years older then me.

He was wearing a jogging suit and came to me.

I'm watching since 30 minutes now and you proved me that you deserve the answer for your question.

I flinched and yelled immediately:

Really?!

Then who is that old men.

The bald old men with a long white beard and the big scar on his right e...

He died.

He answered me before I couldn't end my sentence.

Huh...?

What is that guy talking about? That old men wouldn't die so easily, would he?

A few months ago that old men came here and wanted to fight me.

He said that his dream is to become the strongest street fighter and the only way to reach that goal is to beat me. I was fascinated by his courage so I let an pretty young men in my crew fight against him.

That old men fighted my fighter in so low winning terms but he still did it.

That old men was half dead then my guy didn't concentrated anymore and he used that chance.

He used all his powers left and bite him his throat out.

I saw something brutal like that often so I didn't care much but that men killed on my people.

I told him to rest so I can kill him later in a fight but he refused.

He wanted to fight immediately.

I told him that it won't be smart but then I saw him.

He walked slow at me, crumbling and almost falling.

Then he was informt of me he laid his fist in me and said:

That's all the power left in me...
That's what my dream is capable of...
He mumbled.

People not dreaming are like the corpses around us...but if you die...aren't you any different from the corpse? He continued.

No...that's not right...only the people die dreaming are the people living endlessly. He answered himself

Then he screamed:

Now show your respect to my dream with the killer intent of you damn power I never had, you stupid brat.

I was speechless.

An old men showed me the beauty of his dream and I told him as I saw him crying:

Your dream is stronger then anything I ever felt.

I punched him at the ground while he was smiling and he died.

Y-You're lying... I said while falling in my knees.

This can't be true. How the hell should I ask him about my dream now!

Shhh. He signaled me to be quit with putting his finger in front of his lips and said:

A dream isn't something someone tells you. It's something you find for yourself.

The only way I can help you is to tell you my dream and my philosophy.

What he said picked my interest.

It was my last hope of finding my dream again.

My dream is to get the eternal youth. He said while sitting in a chair someone gave him.

Huh...?

I was confused.

What was that guy taking about.

I pushed all my questions aside decided to listen further.

You know people who grow older, get responsibility, a job, a wife and kids are the people that aren't free but the same people didn't care for all of that then they were young.

I want that in my life.

I life without giving up my dream.

Because only people who are young are the ones who are still dreaming.

People who are happy and people who are not aren't equal in terms of living.

That's why I still want to dream.

Because if I continue dreaming the happiness can't flash out of my eyes. He explained.

B-But...you don't have eternal youth, have you? I asked.

Huh? He said while looking straight at me.

I continued:

I mean you reached your goal to have a life without responsibilities and live free now. That means you don't have a dream to chase anymore.

He sighed at me and answered calm:

Who said that I need to match your perspective?

In your perspective I got enternal youth already but not in my terms and that's not because I means something different but rather the value we give to achieve this dream isn't the same.

In your perspective people who don't have any responsibilities have eternal youth but I what if you have a chance to loose it in the future?

My eternal youth isn't the same as yours because I think of the future too. He said.

He sighed again and said his last words to me:

In your perspective many people got eternal youth.
But in mine I the only men who had eternal youth is that old men. I'm not not someone who gets satisfied, you moron.

After those words the conversation came to an end.

I left.

It was 9pm and dark outside.

The streets there full of cars and noise but in my head everything was silent.

I walked and walked and thought about my life now.

I don't have a dream to chase, a brother I argued with, a family that doesn't care to contact me and to look how I feel and I'm not happy.

Before I noticed I was at a bridge.

I could hear all the noises again and it freaked me out.

As I look down to the water... It seemed like it could take aways this annoying noises.

I stood at the edge of the bridge.

If I would just fall would the noise and?
It would be so nice.
How ironical...I thought I didn't want to die

I mumbled.

I let myself fall in the water.

But as I was about to fall someone grabbed my hand.

I looked up and saw a girl.

The light of the lantern let me see her small beautiful face and was a good contrast to her green eyes.

Her long brown hair was blew in the wind and it looked better than any artwork I've ever seen.

I don't have the strength to lift you all the way up so try to climb okay?! She yelled.

I felt a sudden force pulling me and I graped a part of the bridge and pulled myself up.

The girl was exhausted and was breathing heavily.

Why are you trying to kill yourself? Are you a moron? She asked completely serious.

Why...? I mumbled...

She heard that and didn't give me a good reaction.

She stood up and walked towards me.

You don't even know why you wanted to kill yourself? You really are a moron.

The way of her saying that didn't allowed me argue with her.

I just sat there...silent and my head looking down.

I don't know why you tried to kill yourself but don't you have any family members caring for you?

Her question hit me right into the chest.

The reason of that was because I didn't know the answer. My parents didn't call me since years and the last time I saw my brother we argued.

I'm so stupid.

Why am I making hope for myself? Of course they don't care for me anymore.

I don't have anyone. I answered.

Her face softened and then she started speaking again:

Well...that's unfortunate but don't try to kill yourself again okay? You still have your whole life in front of you.

I stared at her, confused.

This girl was about the same age as me but talked like an grandma, it's ridiculous.

She saw my staring and the moment she wanted to say something, I chuckled.

Her cheeks got red and she was clearly flustered.

What are you laughing about?!

Haha... it's nothing... I answered.

I wasn't this amused since a long time. I continued.

Well, nice for you but it's not really funny for me so stop laughing.

I stopped.

Something about this girl was... awkward.

I didn't know how else to describe it.

She was so weird and lovely to be honest.

So what are you gonna do now? She asked.

I don't know...maybe just going home and rest a little bit. I answered obviously tired.

That sounds good. Then you wanna exchange contacts?

She asked me this question without any concern on her face.

What? She asked looking at me with questions on her face.

You should know why I shouldn't give any strangers my contacts right? Which well known guy would do that? I said.

She looked at me with a weird face then started to laugh.

Y-You should be someone well known?hahahahahha... She laughed.

You don't know who I am? I asked thinking she is joking.

What are you talking about? She asked.

This girl meant it. She really didn't know who I was.

I'm...

I wanted to tell her but I hesitated.

Why am I hesitating? I don't understand.

Then I was too deep in my thoughts she said:

What's wrong? Just tell me your name. She said.

Then I understood.

When was the last time I thought of my name? Or the name of anyone else?

My brother, that old men, that 2 meter talk guy.

I didn't think of my or there names.

I didn't cared for it.

It's not like I don't know my name or the one from my brother but...I didn't valued it.

Is this one of the reason I lost interest in everything? Because I lost interest in people?

Hello you hearing me? She asked me annoyed because she thought I ignored her.

Oh...sorry what was I about to say? I asked noticing I falled to deep into my thoughts.

You wanted to tell me your name, moron. She answered the annoyance clearly in her voice.

I'm...Mu...Mu kachina

Mu? That's a strange name. She told me a bit too honest.

It is? I asked my face looking down.

I'm Kichona.

She told me her name.

I never felt something this heavy just by someone telling me her name.

I felt...valued...even though I met this girl just a few minutes earlier and she gives me sich a good feeling.

Anyway just give me your contacts and go now. You need to rest don't you? And don't dare to try something like this again understand?

Yeah...

I gave her my contacts and we parted.

I made a detour and went first to the next market.

I brought some juice and went straight to home.

What was that? I said to myself.

I wanted to kill myself right now but suddenly I have feelings I never felt before.

Am I going crazy because I'm not mentally stable anymore?

Who is that girl anyway?

I sunk into deep thoughts but I just couldn't realize what was going on with me.

A sound of my phone brought me back to reality and I saw it was a message from Kichona.

Make sure you rest okay?

I looked at the message and I felt...happy.

As I looked to the rest of the message my heart began to race.

If you're okay with is let's meet tomorrow. Is 3pm okay for you?

I didn't know what to answer.

In my life as an artist I had so many interviews or meeting with popular people.

And now I was nervous because of a girl I met not even an hour ago?

I lied on my sofa, my hands on my face with a face so red I could think I was a tomato myself.

I'm so ashamed... I mumbled to myself.

No I just need to answer.

It's okay for me but where are we meeting? I replied.

She immediately replied:

Let's meet before the mall. She messaged.

I didn't needed to ask which because we only had one nearby so I answered:

Sure.

She answered with an sticker with a chibi like cat that is showing his thumb up.

I looked at it and let out a chuckle.

This girl is really weird.

I said while continuing to laugh.

A day later on 2pm I was already staying before the mall.

I was so nervous that I got out too early.

I took my cleanest nicest clothes and styled my hair since I don't know when.

I had black pants with a long black coat.

It wasn't really something special but I wanted to look good so I become paranoid and checked my clothes and hair almost every minute with my phone's camera.

Maybe I should've styled my hair more differently...

I mumbled to myself as I heard the voice behind me:

Yo, what's up?

I flinched and looked behind me just to see Kichona.

She was dressed in rather casual clothes.

Some jeans and she has a coat too the only difference was that hers was brown

But the detail that made me the most amazed was her hair.

She had braided her hair and it looked amazing.

Why are you staring? She asked what brought me back to reality.

I flushed and immediately answered:

I-it's nothing...

The atmosphere was so tense and she stared at me I just answered:

I thought...that your hair looks good today...

Hm...didn't thought I would get a compliment for my hair...thank you however...

All good. I answered while I could almost swear she blushed for a second.

We walked in the mall and maybe it didn't really felt special because I was multiple times here already.

Kichona however had sparking eyes.

Are you here for the first time? I asked

Not but I'm not often here so it feels special every single time. She answered clearly enjoying herself.

I was glad that she had already fun but also nervous.

Let's check up all the stores. She said, itching to see everything.

Fine fine. I answered.

We first went to a little backery and brought us some food.

She and I brought something we never saw before.

Mines was some brioche bread with vanilla toppings in it while hers was a little chocolate cake with cinnamon toppings.

I tasted my food and I was amazed.

This was really tasty.

However Kichona was even more amazed then me.

It felt like she was melting because of how tasty her cake was.

That's so tasty. She said.

Nice to hear that. I answered.

Wanna take a bite. She started asking.

I blushed for a moment not knowing what to say but I answered with a more confident voice then I expected to:

Yeah...sure...

I took a bite from her cake and it really was delicious.

Those little backaries in malls were really something else.

It's good. I said.

Wanna take a bite from mine too? I asked more confident then I was before even though I didn't know why.

She looked away for a moment and as she looked forward again she couldn't look at me.

S-Sure... She answered with a blushed face.

Anyway, her embarrassment faded almost immediately as she took a bite from my food.

You like to eat huh? I asked, amused by her behave.

If something tastes good and it tastes good.

Her answer wasn't really what I expected but I was satisfied.

We went to all different kind of stores.

We tried some clothes, ate dinner and even had a little dessert.

But before we ended our fun we went to the bookstore.

I looked at the comic department and saw so many different things but something cought my eye.

There was a sign there you could see a comic that won the best artwork of the year.

I immediately took one of the comic and looked at a few pages.

I was amazed.

The art of the author was amazing.

It wasn't like any of my artworks.

He used the paneling so good that it seemed almost alive.

I could imagine how this character are moving, something not easy to recreate.

Maybe this guy reached his dream... I mumbled to myself still not feeling well about how things went.

What are you looking at? Kichona asked from behind

At this comic here. It has really good artwork. I responded casually.

Hm, I've never seen this one before.
I don't care for comics anyway. She said.

Me neither but the art is amazing. I said with a really amazed voice.

Then a thought crossed my mind.

My brother...he became in the last 5 years a so good striker...

He almost reached his dream and I still don't have anything.

Kichona probably noticed my change in moods because she asked:

Hey, everything okay?

Yeah, that artwork just remembered me if my brother...the last time I saw him was 5 years ago and we had an argument that we didn't settled yet. I responded.

Why don't you arrange to meet him then? She asked.

To be honest I didn't know if I had the guts to meet him.

I don't know what I should tell him.

But what if he's still angry? I asked, desperate.

If he's your brother he's more than worth a try, isn't he?

This words that came out of her mouth so casually did something to me.

My brother never was the guy to hate someone for a lifetime.

Maybe I should really meet him.

No...

I need to do it.

He deserves that more than anyone else right now.

Okay, I think I'm gonna meet him. I responded.

Let's go. She yelled with an immense joy.

Why are you more so glad right now? I asked confused.

I mean why should someone like her that don't even know me that good be glad about my family problems?

Huh why? I mean aren't you glad if you see happy people? She responded in a casual tone.

This girl never failed to amaze me.

I never thought of something like that.

She is so selfless the complete opposite of me.

I'm so selfish that I even wanted to kill myself after things didn't go the way I wanted.

Selfishness and selflessness is never a good comboo though.

Does she really deserve to hang out with a guy like me?

The time passed as I more and more thought about this question and the day went so fast I didn't even realized.

The next day I messaged my brother.

He was now in Spain and it would be pretty selfish from me to ask him to come but...

I guess I'm selfish then. I mumbled.

I send him the message where I asked to meet him at my new rental home and even the thought of that was pathetic.

I waited and the minutes that went felt like a lifetime but he responded.

Sure I will be there next week after me final match.

Instead of relaxing me his message felt like a stab in the heart.

I never thought he would come, let alone respond me.

But I was happy.

I couldn't believe it.

He's coming, he's coming...

I was so happy right now that I didn't even realized that I was jumping around like a little kid.

The week passed and the day where he should come arrived.

I cleaned my entire rental house and waited for him.

Finally, I heard someone ring the doorbell.

I ran towards the door opened it just to see my little brother.

He was wearing a black coat with black jeans.

He always copied me and he is doing that even know.

His hair is longer and he had a middle part too.

Hi...I brought you your favorite juice... He said hesitant.

T-Thank you... I responded clearly surprised.

Come in. I said hesitant too.

We sat to the sofa and he started speaking.

Not having your old fancy house huh?

I didn't manage to afford it anymore... I responded.

This was a special moment to me.

I wanted to do something I didn't do in ages.

Hey. Arisu...

He immediately twitched by and looked at me in surprise.

I called his name.

Something that showed his value for me.

I wanted to speak with you. I continued.

About what? He asked me still surprised by me calling his name.

You know...I regret everything I've done. I broke my trust to you and failed as a big brother. I lost sight of my dream and have became a fool...but I learned so much the past 5 years. I can never get my dream back but still I want to see yours.

After I told him that I stood up and bowed, crying

I'm so sorry for last time...I have given up my dream and showed you how pathetic your ideal figure was. I'm so sorry I never reached out to you until now and I'm sorry for failing as your big brother.

I let it all out.

I told him everything that was on my soul.

I looked at him thinking that he would be mad.

Why shouldn't he?

I destroyed his ideal figure and now I'm calling him here to a different country just to apologize.

I know he has much money because of his career but this it's pathetic.

It was about time. He responded.

Huh? I stood straight again my tears stop falling and not understanding what he is meaning

What you did was something really bad to be honest and I wouldn't forgive anybody who would've done me something like this but... you're my brother, your the person who isn't included to rest I wouldn't forgive. I just waited until you forgive me and I did know that it would take long but you would still do it.

His words crossed my mind a thousend times.

I was so glad.

I was so fucking glad.

Thank God I am so glad.

Before I could say something he continued speaking:

You addressed me with my name...I know now what kind of value you see in me...and it's nothing below a brother.

I started crying again and the day passed like that.

The next day he went back to Spain.

It was really selfish from me... I mumbled.

But I know what I had to do now.

I arranged a meeting with Kichona.

We met at the bridge where she saved me.

It rained so much but both of us didn't have an umbrella.

What happened? Is it about your brother? Why did you want to meet all of a sudden? She bombarded me with questions but I just exhaled.

I think we shouldn't meet anymore. I said with a clear voice.

I'm happy that I met you but I can't let you stick with someone like me.

I realized in the mall that you're so selfish something that's so special in a good way.

But...I'm a selfish person.

I can't just let you be with someone like me that would maybe use you.

She looked at me with horror in her eyes.

She walked towards me and slapped my at my face.

It did hurt.

Not much physically but rather mentally.

What kind of stupid shit did you pull yourself to, huh? She asked with anger.

You wanted to fucking kill yourself!

I don't have any friends and never had them.

I finally thought I found one...but you think it's a problem to be selfish?

What kind of pathetic was of thinking is that?

Her voice was struggling to speak because of holding her tears back.

But...I would use you...

But you don't have the kind of heart to do it. She said

You're so selfish that you wouldn't do it because you don't want to. She yelled.

I started crying and started speaking:

Yeah, I'm selfish that's why...

That's not it.

She interrupted me, staring yelling again:

We need to clear things out.

We maybe won't find a way now but I'm sure we will find a way somehow.

I think of you as my first friend and I wanted to do things for my first time.

I already went to the mall with a friends the first time and I want to do more.

I want to eat and ice for the first time with a friend, I want to go to the cinema with a friend for the first time, maybe even playing so games for the first time.

Even after all this that isn't the thing I care the most is that I can see in your eyes that you will try to kill yourself again!

She grabbed me by the collar and asked with tears flowing down her eyes and struggling to speak:

T-Tell me you jerk...if I let you go now will I ever be able to see you again?

Am I not enough for staying alive?

She cried.

I was overwhelmed.

Why... I mumbled.

Why the hell. I yelled.

She took a step back.

You know what kind of pathetic bastard I really am?

I give up on my dreams and let them go.

I started criticizing my brother and failed as one as well.

I was afraid of myself and couldn't even take of myself.

How should you want me to be alive? I screamed.

Because...I love you dammit.

Her answer shot every thought in my head out of the way.

What? I asked clearly confused.

I love you, you damn moron.

I know it's weird but you were my first friend and I have fallen for you since we met at the mall.

I fall on my knees on a puddle

But I'm nothing special... I said while thinking that guy who is criticizing me on the YouTube Videos.

I'm not either. She answered.

I'm not strong. I said while thinking of that big guy who killed the old men.

You don't need to be. She answered

I'm not living for myself and don't have a goal in life. I said while thinking of the old men and of Arisu.

Then make me your goal and live for me. She answered.

The rain stopped and my whole world blew up in flowers.

Why was she saying that to me...?

Why is my heart racing so fast right now...?

She hugged me.

We two just need each other... She said while crying too.

I love you too.

I said it.

Something that I realized just now

I love you too, Kichona.

I cried while telling and hugged her back.

Yeah, I love you too dummy.

After that time passed and a week later we met somewhere.

What's up? She asked

Nothing, I'm just happy to see you again. I answered.

She immediately smiled and we walked for a bit.

We went to a meadow and made a picnic.

I relaxed and lay down on the grass.

It was a sunny day and the wind was so comforting.

Reflecting of my eyes,

Living a dream,

Eternal youth

And the value of a brother.

In my life I learned this few things.

The picnic is ready come here. Kichona yelled.

Yeah I'm coming. I yelled back.

But the most important thing I learned it love.

Love is something that is increasing and it covered something like selflessness and selfishness.

The most important thing I learned in my journey is...

I saw the smile of Kichona and immediately smiled myself.

...is the value of love.