Hard choices

Hazuki

I heard him the second he reached the last few steps of the staircase at the end of the corridor. It was easy to discern his steps from those of the other staff; his steps were always measured, steady, and light, with a small click when he put his left foot down, which made me assume he was still healing from an injury.

There were a couple of us here on the fourth floor, but unlike me, the others could come and go as they pleased, and the only reason anyone came to this floor was to bring me my daily meals. He was new at this place, I knew that much, but even as the days passed, he still came by at least once a day, looking bored and slightly annoyed, never uttering a word to me. But he always spared two seconds to acknowledge my presence before leaving. Besides him, Sora also came by for a few minutes at a time during the shift change, talking about things I never asked about and people I will never meet. Those two moments were the highlight of my dreadful days.

The people who put me here knew very well that I would rather die than stay here another second; that was why they were trying to break me, see how far I could go before I gave up and accepted being a lab rat again. Little did they know, I had given up a long time ago.

I stared at the ceiling of my cell, like I had done for so many nights, before I sat up, leaning my back against the wall, listening to him getting closer.

As he walked, his steps became uneven and increasingly heavier until he stopped right in front of my cell, turning his body. That was a first; maybe it was also because I was directly facing him. I recognised the look in his eyes right away and understood that heavy pace he carried on his way here.

For the longest time, he stood there without a word, his eyes travelling between my wrists and ankles, his expression twisting into something I couldn’t discern. “Why?” The hesitation in his voice was minute, but amid all the doubt that soaked his words, it sounded loud enough.

I wasn’t sure what he was asking. Why was I here? Why was he here? Why did the Earth turn? He seemed as confused by his question as me, but he didn’t clarify or try to reiterate it, and simply dazed off.

“They block our abilities,” I said when his eyes found the cuffs around my wrists again after staring at the floor for some time. I wiggled my wrist to make sure he understood, and he gave a small nod. He looked worse after I told him, and I almost regretted telling him.

“Abilities,” he repeated as if that would help him make sense of what it meant, but he only looked more troubled with it.

“What happened?” I asked, tapping my cheek in the same place he had a plaster. His fingers trailed along the plaster, his eyes glossing over before he scrunched his brows like it didn’t make sense what he was about to say.

“One of the dogs bit her when she held one of the puppies.” I waited for him to continue, but my brows did the questioning for me. “She didn’t mean to kill the dog. It was an accident.” His voice was low as he spoke slowly, as if making sure he was saying the right words.

“Were you trying to protect the dog?”

He looked even more confused than I was before noticing what his fingers were brushing against. “Julie can create ice. Ice needles,” he said, looking straight at me with a slightly deranged glint to his eyes despite his overly serious face. “She would make one hell of a hitman. Hitwoman?” He pondered for a second before continuing. “Must be nice in the summer, too, an endless supply of ice.” I stared at him, not sure if I should laugh given how shaken he was, but my face reacted before I could prevent it. “I would be laughing too if someone said something like this to me.”

The mirth left my features, and I looked away as I remembered being in a similar situation to his, when I had told my friend what I had learned, and he laughed in my face. “You didn’t know the people here are magic users?” I asked and saw him wince at the word. He shook his head. “Why did you come here then?”

“I’m starting to question that myself.”

If I could, I would have felt sorry for him. He came to the wrong person looking for reassurance or whatever he needed right now. I wasn’t good at peopleing or advice. “Our circumstances are different, but when I was in a similar position, I ran away.” He stared at me, his face blank except for the brows knitted together, his eyes clouding over as the battle raged inside him.

“I won’t run away,” he finally said, clenching his hands.

I nodded. “I thought so.”

“Why?”

“That’s why you are here right now. If leaving was your goal, you would be miles away by now,” I said. “At least that’s the impression I get from you.”

His lips set in a thin line as he nodded, his eyes somewhere else again. The silence settled for some time before his feet moved. “Do you think I made the wrong choice?” I asked, not sure what came over me at that moment. Maybe because he looked like he had been through the wringer too, I wanted to know his opinion even if it didn’t change a thing.

“They are both hard choices. If you could go back in time, would you take the same path?”

I have asked myself a thousand times since then, and my answer has always been the same. “Yes.”

He nodded with a hint of a smirk. “What’s your name?”

“Hazuki.”

“Matthew.”

“Good luck, Guard Matthew.”

“Just Matthew,” he said, turning away. “See you tomorrow.”