The Head Butler's Woes

*Bell Ringing*

Let’s see my tie is in order, my attire carries no wrinkles, the tea and crumpets are fresh. Excellent, everything is in perfect order!

“Alright, it’s time to greet M’Lady!”

I, Sebas, have lived quite a harrowing life. There was once a time where I wished I wasn’t alive at all, yet at that time I was saved. In honor of the man who saved me, I swore to serve this man for the rest of my days. Eventually the reins passed down from him to his son, by his request I've been charged with serving his eldest daughter. What an honor it is to serve my dearest Roselies! What a blessing it is to be able to serve my lady, especially since my own home life is-Actually, let’s not worry about that. For now let’s bring my lady’s refreshments posthaste-

“Greetings-”

“-Gack!”

I found myself nearly jumping out of my skin, luckily I didn’t spill any of the tea or drop any crumpets. I turned to see Martha, the head maid and one of my sole confidants.

“My dear Martha, why must you scare me so?”

“Apologies Sebas, I couldn’t resist. More importantly, how’s the young miss doing?”

“I was just about to go see her, I must be on my way. I hope your day is splendid.”

With that I offered Martha a gentle nod and went on my way.

****

There he goes, I wish Sebas the best. Especially considering his latest predicament, which reminds me…

“According to that secret diary I found while cleaning, today’s the day isn’t it?”

I couldn’t help but sigh, sorry Sebas but I have no stomach medicine to share with you today. I’ll need everything I have to handle the ulcers I’ll be receiving today.

****

I’ll take a quick detour through the garden, in doing so I should be able to cut my arrival time in half.

“Hmm, Ah! Grandpa Sebas over here!”

“Duna, please refrain from calling our Master "Grandpa". That said, Master I offer you my humblest greeting.”

“Good afternoon to you two, I hope everything is going well Duna and the same with you Wise.”

Yet another welcomed surprise, I’m now greeted by Duna and Wise. These girls were picked up by the young lady and given a strict education by me and Martha. Wise with her manners and etiquette could honestly pass as a noble, as for Duna her mannerisms could use some work. Still, Duna’s light chestnut hair and brown eyes warm this old man’s heart. The same for Wise’s mint hair and aquamarine eyes, could it be, is this what it feels like to be a proud grandfather. Yes, it must be! For these girls I’d give-

“Wait a moment, D-Duna! Why are you wielding your shoe in one of your hands!”

“Ah, I saw a fly. Busted!”

“Don’t worry Master!”

Wise swiftly smacks Duna in the back of her head with a book, the result was Duna squating down clutching her head. She then threatened to knock Wise’s lights out, and Wise beckoned her to try. I found myself stepping between them to stop their fight, last time they dueled the villa needed repairs. Repairs which came outta my wallet might I add! After a stern scolding the two of them began to wisen up.

“S-sorry Gran-Master!”

“My apologies”

“As long as you understand I’ll leave it at that. Now then, I must be on my way.”

“Oh yeah I smelled something nice! It’s tea time isn’t it!”

“Master’s baked goods are the best.”

“And for today, I can guess what flavor the crumpets are!”

“Umu!”

There’s Wise’s habit again, to this day I wonder what “Umu” means. That said, I wonder why Duna is so excited. I know it’s been a while since I made my apple crumpets toasted with cinnamon, but I’ve never seen her so excited. Perhaps if she guesses right I’ll offer her one.

“”They just have to be Plain Sugar right!””

“...Huh?”

Plain sugar, that’s a little ordinary, yes? Too ordinary for our lady, where would they get such an idea from?

“Hmmm, are we wrong? Drat and today would’ve been the perfect day too!”

“Uh, Duna? Master is probably out of the loop.”

“Oops, forget what we said Grandpa! I mean Master!”

“Perfect day…Is today spe-”

Before I could finish Duna grabbed Wise's hand.

“Oh look, it's that fly! Let’s swat it down together Wise!”

“Don’t worry yourself too much master.”

With that they moved faster than light down the hall, Duna’s strength truly is an abnormality. Still, what is up with today? I decided to continue moving towards the garden, on my way I came near the training grounds. Ah, the sound of swords, it reminds me of my youth. I wonder how the villa guards are doing with their daily train-

“Critical Finish!”

“Guard Vent!”

“....”

What the deuce! What on earth are those buffoons saying down there! Wait those voices-Don’t tell me!

“Simon, Drake! What are you two doing!”

“Oh, good afternoon Sebas! Me and Drake were sparring, doing it Charlotte style is fun!”

“You imbecile, this isn’t fun in the slightest. The way of the Toku is a very dangerous and powerful style! Never forget that!”

…The way of the toku? Wait, isn’t that a term often used by-Nope! She’s been acting so refined and dignified lately, my lessons were taking an effect. I know they were!

“What are you boobs doing?”

“Hey Yugo!”

“I don’t want to hear that from you Gorilla!”

“Hey broomhead! Who are you calling a gorilla!”

It appears Yugo has entered the scene, and with him a basket of fruits and sandwiches. I even spotted some flasks of water, wait is that a heart I see! Those maids, are they trying to seduce the guards again!

“Fresh fruit and fresh water, a match made in heaven. Rather, you could say a Best Match!”

“What?”

“Oh you didn’t know, gramps? According to Char-”

“Lalalalalalalallallalalala! What was that, I couldn’t hear you! I’m off to see our Lady! Toodles!”

And with that I ran as fast as I could carrying the delicacies I prepared, fast enough to outrun my growing disappointment and embarrassment. It’s been a month since the last incident, a month! I thought she finally gave up her ways, I thought she was cured! So why, Why are so many contradictions appearing today!

“Hmmm, oh good noon’ Sebas!”

“Ah greeting Arch-Gahhhhhh!!!!!!!!”

Before I could finish greeting Archibald, I found myself face to face with an abomination. Our perfectly grown hedges were trimmed into a shape of some sort of plant monstrosity, what compelled this man to do this!?!

“Archie, have you gone mad!?!”

“Heavens no, the young miss ordered this to be done. All in accordance to her own design too!”

No, this can’t be possible. I won’t believe that my efforts were in vein!

“Good noon’ to you my friends!”

“Hey Animus!”

“Oh, Animus, I hope you bare good-”

Behind Animus was a cart, on that cart was a large assortment of red paint. What in the name of the gods-

“Sir, where would you like us to leave this?”

“There is good.”

I turned my head in the direction Animus was facing, inside was a giant stone sculpture. It was shaped like a lion, and carried what I felt to be the embodiment of a guardian spirit. Who could’ve possibly came up with such a-

“...Animus, don’t tell me…”

“Ah, the Lady requested this to be built. It’s called a “Wildzord” I believe?”

…Gods be damned!

****

I ran as fast as my legs could carry me, even though I knew I would be faced with disappointment. I now knew what Duna and Wise were hiding from me, they were trying to spare my sanity. My hardwork and efforts, they’ve gone to waste haven’t they. My Lady, all this time, she lied to me. She swore she would stop, I thought it was over. Only for her to do this! With my top running speed and perfect grip, I reach my lady’s room with the tea and crumpets still warm. As I stand before the door, I hear not a sound. Perhaps I was wrong-Wait, I sense arcane! I squinted my eyes to notice a silence rune on the door! Who could’ve-Wise you’ve betrayed me! I grabbed the knob, and worked the door open. This has to be a lie it has to-

“You’ve harmed your last victim, SHOCKER! Henshin!”

Upon saying that nonsensical phrase, my lady struck an odd pose with her eyes closed. She then opened them and looked at her hands.

“Damn, even after channeling Ichigo! Maybe I am meant to be a ranger, to me red lion fang!”

She quickly picked up a red lion shaped glove, it seemed reminiscent of the statue I saw in the courtyard. So it is true…

“If this fails, I’ll have no choice but to resort to the ritual I have planned. Now then, Gao Access-”

“Lady Charlotte.”

“Ah Shi-Sebas! You scared me! Why’d you sneak in here like that, ya know it’s impolite to enter a ladies room without knocking. Ya know?”

Why’d? Ya Know? On top of that was she about to use profanity? More importantly, where did all these items come from? That belt, that strange gauntlet she has, and what’s that strange metallic dragon miniature over there?

“Lady Charlotte, what is all this?”

“What do you-Crap! Wait, I can explain!”

“My lady…”

“Well I-”

“My Lady.”

“I never said I would stop-”

“My Lady.”

“I thought maybe waiting a month would store up morphing grid power, and today would-”

“My Lady-”

“Uh, Oh! Is it tea time already! I’m starved, haha…”

“...Who’s money did you buy these items with?”

“...Consider this an early birthday present to me. I’m like your granddaughter right!”

She gave me an innocent grin, my response was to place the tea and crumpets on the nearest night stand.

“....”

“Uh Sebas, You’re not mad right? Please don’t be mad-”

“My Laaaaaaaaddddddddddyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I soon found myself having a heart attack, or maybe it was a stroke. The stress of realizing my precious Charlotte was still stuck in her ways terrified me. Soon she walked up to me scratching the blond hair on her head, and removing the gold contacts from her eyes.

“Whoops, guess I did it again. Hehe!”

Gods, save this young woman’s mind! I beseech you! And if not her, then save me! Save me dammit! Please!