Nerves

…Gotchya.

I had a gut feeling that I would find something in at least one of the PX security systems on base. Thankfully, I thought of it ahead of time and got a dictation written up to allow me access. J-3-20 is not to be obstructed in her investigation through any installation facilities.

I'm in the issued fitness attire, physically running my way around base to avoid suspicion. Seeing an operator going for a run is the sort of perfectly normal activity you’d find around wherever they’re deployed to. Certainly, you'd have to be a total idiot to be an NSOG operator and somehow think cramming inside of a civilian make, government vehicle and driving back-and-forth around base wouldn't be suspicious. But of course none of us would be that stupid.

Finally, on the side of the base with the locally stationed infantry battalion and other ground-side units, located between the offices and the collection of barracks that the 3/5th are all crammed into, there’s a gas station with a mini-px that I’ve taken the liberty of investigating and, indeed, I’ve found exactly what I was hoping for. Footage from a few days ago of K-2-18 and LCpl Waters in a private meetup! And, God, it’s worse than I thought. Look at just how nervous she’s acting!

So she is being blackmailed afterall…He must have something deeply troubling on her if she’s so frozen in distress that, as she follows behind him walking outside, she still refuses to lay a hand against him. This is serious indeed. She’s petrified!

I can only wonder what sort of vile things he’s saying to her as she tenses up…oh God, look at how red she’s getting! She must be in grave distress! I must get this copied for evidence!

It only takes a moment for me to duplicate it over to my data chip and return it to its pocket case before I pull my access and return to the front of the store, where I am forced to hold myself back as I spot none other than…Waters! What the hell is he doing here?!

I’d better observe…

------

…There can’t be any harm in it, right?

I mean, I’m just…going on a date…with a woman…that I totally would otherwise have met up with if my entire platoon’s general safety wasn’t riding on it…Right?

I mean…she’s not all that…unnerving!...If you don’t think about it all that much!

No…just a couple of regular people on a regular date…One of them just happens to be a…

…three-ish-hundred pound, sickly-pale female who dwarfs me in size more than Quinn does at 6’3 as the largest guy in our platoon.

…Yeah…

I put on my best civilian attire I had for the weather. Just a short sleeve, button-down, patterned, blue shirt and some nice, gray jeans. Hardly anything to write home about but it’s not like we otherwise really do anything worthy of dressing up around here outside of the sort of events that have us getting into our dress uniforms.

Either way, there’s no going back now. The main exchange on base doesn’t even sell much better than this.

I watch as I see the car from before pull into the lot with a very familiar face inside. Here we go…

The car comes to a stop in one of the handful of parking spaces in front and I take a deep breath as I come to terms with the reality I find myself in. The date’s about to begin.

…Any minute now…

…Any second…she’ll get out of the car…and–...

…

…Okay, what’s taking her so long now?

------

…I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I’m not so sure that I can go through with this anymore! Am I underdressed? I didn’t have anything that wasn’t just simple and comfortable but now I’m starting to have second thoughts!

I didn’t think he would come looking like…that!

But…even if I am only in a t-shirt, I can’t go back now, he’s looking at me!

I should at least think of how it might be best to greet him! Maybe mention the weather? It has been relatively decent the last few days. People still do that, right? Or, maybe I should talk about the movie we were going to see later? Like how I can’t wait to see it or something? That would give us something to talk about immediately…O-or…what about–

Thoughts run circles around in my head, leaving me rooted to the seat for much longer than intended as I depart reality in my pondering of options, only to be violently awakened again by a gentle knock on the passenger window and I am startled back into the present,

“–NICE MOVIE WE’RE HAVING!”–I blurt out in a panic.

…I’m about to have a heart attack of embarrassment until I realize that I’ve just been saved by the fact that he is still very much outside of the car and I’ve just greeted the navigation console…

Even still…I feel a warmth flush into my cheeks as I crack the window…

“...Hi,” I decide to settle on.

The boy cocks an eyebrow.

“...You okay?”

…

I nod…

“A-...alright then,” he says through the open gap of the passenger side window. “Well, if you still want me to show you the game room on base, you’re going to have to let me into the car…”

“R-right!” I say and then, without a second thought, exit my side of the car, walk around the front of it, and go to open the door for him.

…Only the handle pulls but nothing happens…

Waters clears his throat.

“I-I actually just needed you to unlock the…door…”

…

‘Idiot-idiot-idiot-idiot!’–I think to myself as I walk back around the car again to get in and unlock the rest of the doors. Of course that’s what he meant! Why would I open the door for him?! Isn’t that supposed to be a guy thing?!?! I’ve never felt more inept about anything in my life…maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all…

------

I feel somewhat like I might have messed up a little as we pull into the parking lot of the only bar on base and I’m forced to look upon it with the sort of fresh eyes bringing a girl here for the first time would give anyone…and I make a painful realization of only what I already kind of knew…

…This place is a dump!

I can’t help but cringe as we park and I quietly announce, “Well, here we are…I guess…” And then climb out of the passenger seat to lead the way up to the door.

‘The Saloon’, as it had been tastelessly coined, was the purpose-dedicated hangout spot on base. Only, you might not know it from looking at it with how deserted the place is. The food’s semi-decent here but way more expensive than its worth from the commissary frozen foods section they get it from, the games on the sports channels can be streamed from anyone’s barracks room if they pay for the wifi, and the drinks–like the food–can be bought from basically any PX on base for a lot cheaper than it is here and it’s not exactly like we’re all craving margaritas or something, so we hardly have a need for coming here when a fifth of vodka’s just a short walk away.

There’s also some program they run for the guys on base here that’s supposed to offer some kind of regular activities as an alternative to shutting themselves into their barracks rooms and eating a bullet but those never really get all that much attention unless they manage to coax the odd, famous musician-or-two all the way over here to play for us.

There is, however, one thing here that they have nowhere else: games to play. There’s arcade-style games, a few table games, some boardgames, and even a few videogame consoles, though usually Marines will just buy their own and play in their rooms. S’pose it’s the thought that counts.

Well…I suppose I’ll go ahead and bring Kiyomi over to the foosball table first.

------

I have made a fool of myself…

Those games were not made with someone like me in mind when they were built!

I got excited and bent one of the soccer game’s bars in its hole. In the game Waters called ‘pool’ I almost sent one of the balls into his head, I broke the punching machine, and I pressed one of the buttons on the pinball game so hard that it almost became stuck like that!

I just want today to end. I wouldn’t even mind if he didn’t want to see the movie…

…But, when the time comes, he still presses us out of the door and I suppose I’ll have to do my best not to make things any worse than they already are. The base theater is positioned a brief walk right next door from the Saloon and Waters mercifully decides to take the lead in getting the tickets and concessions for us. I’m not at all familiar with the process, as I’ve never actually been to a movie theater before. It’s almost a relief when we finally enter through the back of the theater room and sit down closer to the front.

I should be able to relax as the lights dim after the advertisements wrap up but I find all the more that I simply can’t. Waters has been nothing but graceful the entire time and all I’ve done is ruin this day. What good are all of the abilities I’ve been given if I can’t even live like a normal person?

Like a…girl…

“Uh…H-hey, are–...Are you feeling alright?”

His voice pulls me back to the present again and I’ve only just realized that I’d mentally checked-out of the room.

“...Fine…” I mutter…but then find myself unable to avoid asking the question that has been on my mind for some time now.

“...Do you think this was a good idea?...”

Waters furrows his brow and, for the first time tonight, he seems to get a curious look about him.

“...Y-yeah? Why wouldn’t–...Why wouldn't it be?” He says as if he'd just been given a test and found out all of his answers were wrong. 

“I just–” I stutter, “...feel like I’ve done nothing but mess...things up…” My words come out like an admission of guilt. Perhaps they are one…

“...I’ve been nothing but awkward,” I continue, “I...broke everything I've touched...and that might have been bad enough if I hadn’t almost killed you in pool…! All I’ve done–”

“–Kiyomi.”

His voice, at volume hardly above a whisper, is enough to halt my spiraling. My eyes fall onto him as he sighs and seems to collect himself for a moment before saying what’s on his mind.

“I...haven’t had this much fun in a while,” he admits. “I usually spend my time drinking in the smoke pit. I never really get to do all that much with anyone when it comes to stuff like this and you really seemed like you were into it too!”

…Truthfully, each time we tried anything, I did have fun...until I would ruin it…

He continues.

“You...bent the foosball table...So what? That thing has had over three heads missing off of the little figurines since I’ve been stationed here. And the pinball machine? I–...I mean, I got the button to come back out, right?”

I retract my hands into my lap as he presses further.

“I mean...after I gave the boxing machine a try, I-uh...wasn’t exactly expecting you to try beating the all-time record of any of them ever...and that might be the first time I’ve ever had to run an ‘immediate action’ drill during a game of pool...but–”

He seems to pause for a moment, almost as though reassessing something that he'd been thinking on…

…But, when he finally continues, the timidness of his voice has entirely fallen away, leaving only certainty within his words.

“–…I’d say this is the best date that I’ve had in a very long while.”

…And, just like that, he simply goes back to watching the movie, leaving me frozen in place.

…

…A-...

…Date?!

Is that what this day has been?

My legs turn numb and I feel as though I’m suddenly way too aware of my fingers. Heat climbs my entire face and I find myself unable to do anything but stare into the middle distance.

Is–...is this what a date is? Don’t you have to–…Aren’t there more...things involved? Or is it really just that simple after all? More importantly, is that how Waters sees it??

I nervously twist my thumbs around each other as I search through myself and desperately try to categorize the leaden feelings in my chest that I’ve never recognized until the day came that I’d first pushed him.

…Is this…what affection is? I thought that that might be more like when I get to pet one of the stray cats on the base but this is…entirely different…

…And...I don’t entirely feel...like that might be a bad thing…

…I study him. He’s still blissfully unaware of me doing it as he watches the screen…And I think that I might be okay with it...if that’s what this day has been.

…In fact…I think I might actually prefer it that way…