Chapter 4

“Dr. Liebermann, please return to the station.”

Becky’s voice over the comm blared into my ear. I ignored her and continued to wobble my way onto the launch pad. It was not often that I needed to wear this cumbersome space suit, as automated droids were normally sent to take care of any repairs around the station. There was no need to jeopardize the one and only human on board.

The space suit was there only for an emergency. Given all the alarms that I tripped and safety measures that I bypassed, one could call this an emergency.

Becky could do nothing as she was locked and sealed inside of the viewing port, which had only a comm terminal to complain about the trouble I caused. Even her metal body would have trouble unsealing the door which I had essentially glued shut with J-B Weld. By the time she chiseled her way out, I would be long gone.

I stared back as I stepped onto the platform with the next probe, watching as the scales automatically adjusted to my weight. After a few moments, several tubes approached, spraying metallo-filament upon me, re-calibrating the total mass.

Minutes before, I had set the determined values for the next probe to be launched. This time, I would be joining it for the journey. It felt a bit strange to think I would be the last anomaly to end it. I couldn’t help but think it was the proper punishment.

“Finally, finally. The model is complete.”

Enough to narrow the time error deviation to a scant five seconds. It was ridiculous to imagine that it would take 25 years to shrink the error window from eons to a moment. But once enough data was entered, I knew it was time to rejoin my family.

“Dr. Liebermann, medical advice is recommended. I have been programmed with many action plans to sort out your feelings. Please abort your actions and step away from the probe. Organic beings cannot survive the journey the rebound into space-time.”

“Can’t even put a little feeling in your desperation. I guess that’s the limit of how much you actually care.”

Poor Becky, the algorithms planted in her could only mimic giving an actual fuck. Of course, I knew that no amount of care could fix what I had set out to do.

I knew full well that my body wouldn’t survive the crossing. Any researcher that had studied the effects would know. Being turned into literal spaghetti as if falling into a black hole would likely do that. That damn training video every year was a gruesome reminder.

Then, one would ask why I was clutching so determinedly onto the probe as it was ready to launch?

I would shoot back this question if I had someone proper to argue with:

Do one’s thoughts have mass? The obvious answer is no, but they exist nonetheless.

It had been proven that even if the probe didn’t survive, the signal that it emitted would persist on the moment of resurgence, even as the probe broke down. My research relied on this instantaneous pulse to discover where it ended up, and the radioactive decay to time stamp it.

I secured myself to the probe, making sure that nothing would sway its path. Just as the sensors turned green, I felt myself being propelled, spinning wildly around and around. I thought to myself that it was nothing more than a carnival attraction, honing my thoughts back to my purpose.

I was banking on this single moment of thought, sent back to a time when I could tell myself not to take the chance. Not to accept the job. Not to sacrifice everything.

I had to believe in the science I spent 25 years perfecting. I had to trust that some part of me could make it there.

Even as everything spun around me so much that I could no longer tell how long I had been flying through empty space, I had to hold on for just a little longer.

The shallow warnings of Becky continued to bellow in my ears. I could feel the bile from my empty stomach rushing up my esophagus.

Suddenly, a loud beep erupted from my suit, signaling that my approach was near. Mustering one last breath and swallowing the bile, I yelled out to the edge of the universe.

“FUCK YOU, BETTY! I’M GOING HO-”

And then there was silence as I felt a tug that snapped my consciousness.