THE WALK OF SHAME,

 BZZZT! BZZZT! BZZZT!

My alarm screamed at me like it personally hated me.I groaned, slapped it off the nightstand, and laid there for exactly four seconds pretending I was going to go back to sleep before dragging myself out of my king-sized bed like a corpse being raised from the dead.

Shower. ✅

...The other thing. ✅ (We don't elaborate on this in a light novel. We move on.)

Breakfast whatever Mom made, which smelled incredible and tasted even better, not that I'd ever tell her that out loud. ✅

Got dressed. ✅

Looked in the mirror."Yeah." I clicked my tongue and pointed at my reflection. 

"That's him."

I stepped out of the mansion gates and began the walk to school.(Narrator: 3.68 kilometers. 34 minutes, 24 seconds, and 21 milliseconds. His bike was broken. He refused to admit he missed it. Every step of the way, Lance Belmont, heir to the Belmont fortune, walked in complete silence like a regular human person. The tragedy of it all.)

The school gates came into view, morning light catching the courtyard just right, students streaming in from every directionI stepped through.Nobody looked up.

A few people walked past me.Someone yawned."..."(Narrator: In his head, there was a slow dramatic wind. Glowing silhouette. Background music. In reality, it was just a Tuesday.)

I straightened my collar and kept walking like that was completely intentional.I slid into the classroom and immediately spotted the one head of hair I recognized.

"Yo. Wassup, Pine."

Pine Pinnacle spun around in his seat with the energy of a golden retriever who just heard the word walk.

"LANCE! Sup bro, you good?"

(Narrator: This is Pine Pinnacle. Family money? Substantial. Brain cells? We don't discuss Pine's status report. I've seen his academic record on my script and I am choosing to protect him by saying nothing further.)

"I'm fine, just tired." I dropped into the seat behind him. "Walked here. My bike's broken." I rolled my neck. "Hey you seen Reyn?"

"Oh yeah, he's still in his homeroom finishing that project. You know how Mr. Patterson gets." Pine made a face.

"The bald one?"

"The strict bald one. He's been in a full mood all week apparently."

"Man." I leaned back. "Thankfully I finished that thing early.

" I glanced at Pine sideways. "Okay. One question. One answer. Why are you in MY classroom? You're literally in a different class."

Pine's entire face transformed into the expression of a man with a Mission.

"Bro." He grabbed my arm. "There is a girl."

"...Shinea?"

Pine's jaw dropped. "HOW DID YOU"

"Because every guy in this school is on her." 

I gave him a look.

 "Don't get your hopes up, cuh. That's all I'm saying."

Pine slumped. "Bro, I thought you were supposed to be my hype man."

"I'm your honest man. There's a difference."

(Narrator: Pine opened his mouth to argue. Then Shinea walked in. Pine forgot how to breathe for approximately eleven seconds. This is not relevant to the plot but it's important that you know this happened.)

THUD.I dropped into my seat, crossed my arms on the desk, and put my head down.My body felt like it was running on maybe forty percent battery. 

Between the 3AM VR session, the rabbit genocide attempt that went horribly wrong, Mifune dismantling my capsule door with her bare hands, and then doing the dishes at midnight sleep had been more of a concept than a reality last night.

The classroom buzzed around me.And then, drifting over from somewhere in the back rows, I heard them.The nerds.

"Bro, I tried that VR game yesterday I genuinely thought I was stuck in there, but apparently it was just a bug because it's a new release. Logged off fine after. Already hit Pig rank too."

"Pig rank? Bradda, that's literally nothing. I went 16 hours straight and I'm already Bull."

I kept my head down. Eyes closed....16 hours straight and Bull rank?That's actually insane. If he's that goodI filed that information away very carefully in a folder in my brain labeled DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE OUT LOUD.

If someone like that carried me, I could hit a decent rank without anyone knowing I play this game.

I could be popular Lance by day and secretly competent by night.The perfect plan. The flawless double life. No one would ever-

"Bro, you okay?"A pause.

"I'm fine."

(Narrator: He said it with the energy of a medieval knight declaring he would fight until his last breath.)

"Bro bro? You good? Hello? Bro" 

THUMP.

The sound of a body hitting a desk.Then the floor.Then chaos.

"WHAT THE" I jerked my head up.

The nerd who'd been talking had gone completely horizontal. 

Out cold. Right there on the classroom floor, surrounded by confused classmates and a teacher already reaching for the phone.

"HE PASSED OUT SOMEONE CALL THE NURSE!"

(Narrator: He had not eaten. Had not slept. Had not consumed water. For one full day. He had simply logged in and refused to acknowledge his own biology. Sixteen hours straight, Bull rank, and a trip to the infirmary. We salute him.)

After class, I caught up with Reyn by the main hallway.

"Yo Reyn. You hear about the dude in my class who passed out?"

Reyn Reynolds fell into step beside me, shaking his head slowly.

"Yeah I heard. Bro" he actually laughed a little, " it's just a game, man. Like who does that to themselves?"

(Narrator: This is Reyn Reynolds. American. Good student. Also rich, but in a quiet, sensible way. Kind, grounded, normal genuinely the most stable person in this entire story. Reyn hates weird behavior. Reyn has principles. Reyn is about to become a core member of a dork alliance. We will watch this happen in real time.)

Man, he hates dorks. I glanced at him sideways. And I am a dork. This is fine. Everything is fine.

"Hey," Reyn said, changing the subject.

 "Did Pine come through your classroom earlier? 

He asked me for like... girl advice? Something about being smooth?"

"Oh." I paused. 

"Yeah I don't really know the full story but I heard some girls laughing pretty hard near the lockers so"

(Narrator: Shall we revisit what actually happened? Yes. Yes we shall.Pine had approached Shinea by the vending machines with a hand-picked flower genuinely picked, from the school garden, stem still dirty and a premium box of imported chocolate that cost him more than most people's monthly allowance."Shinea," he had said, voice steady, "will you go on a date with me?"Shinea had looked at the flower. Looked at the chocolate. Looked back at Pine."Ohhh... let me think," she said. "Actually can I try the chocolate first? Like, to help me think. You know how sugar helps the brain."Pine, absolutely unhinged with hope, had opened the box and handed it over.What Pine did not know: the chocolate contained butter filling.What Pine also did not know: Shinea is allergic to butter.What followed is currently being reviewed by the school nurse.BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.The Confession. The Chocolate. The Anaphylaxis. A tragedy in three acts.)

"but I mean, that's my bro, so I feel kinda bad."

I said that part out loud with a completely straight face.Reyn lost it."

HAHAHAHA bro I'm sorry, I'm sorry"

"You are EVIL," I said, pointing at him. My voice was firm. Heroic even.(Narrator: He was also laughing. Internally. Deeply. He is not better than Reyn. None of them are.)

"Okay, okay" Reyn wiped his eye. "Actually, yo speaking of that game. I downloaded it last night.

" I stopped walking. "...You did?" 

"Yeah. I'm kind of a gamer so I just bought the headset and tried it." 

He shrugged. "I'm Chicken rank right now. Just started."

I stared at him.Then, very carefully: "Bro. That game is hard. I'm also a noob. We should I mean if you need someone to, like, also be bad at it with" 

"I've actually been building a little group," 

Reyn said, completely casually. 

"Like, finding people who are good at the game. To carry us up the ranks."I stared harder.

 "...A group?"

 "Yeah." 

"Of people who are good at the game?"

 "Yeah." 

"To carry us?"

"Basically."

(Narrator: They walked for 16 minutes, 53 seconds, and 31 milliseconds after that. The conversation during this time included dark jokes, mutual complaints, and a passionate debate about who had wasted more money on useless things in the past week. This debate was inconclusive and frankly uncomfortable for both parties. We skip it for your sake.)

Reyn pushed open a door.The smell of coffee, air conditioning, and concentrated nerd energy hit me immediately.The Internet Café hummed with the glow of monitors.

 In the far corner, two guys sat surrounded by energy drinks, mechanical keyboards, and what appeared to be several layers of strategic planning written on actual paper.

Reyn spread his arms."Welcome to the Internet Café.

" He paused. "

Where I have hired nerds to carry me to a high rank."

I looked at the two guys in the corner.They looked back at me.I looked at Reyn.

"You hired them?"

"I offered them a cut of the prize money if we rank high enough to earn cash rewards."

"..."

(Narrator: Lance Belmont, king of his academy, varsity athlete, son of a billionaire stood in a fluorescent-lit internet café about to formally introduce himself to two school nerds so they could babysit his rabbit-killing stats.The Dork Alliance had officially begun.)