He's not your daddy, he's your grandpa

Today was Father's Day, and the day Jim decided it was time to tell little Jimmy the tale of one of the baddest bambinos around, and why he needed to behave to avoid getting a visit from him.

"Why are you telling me this story?" little Jimmy asked.

"To help mold you into a proper man. If you turn out bad, Grandpadaddy will come and he will mess you up! Now let me begin..."

...

Somewhere in Italy...

A purple limousine pulled up to a fancy hotel with a screeching halt. The back door swung open as an old man with long white hair and a beard, and massive, MASSIVE, ankle muscles clad in a purple suit, hat, and sunglasses stepped out. It was fair to say that aside from the outfit, he looked just like Santa Claus, but if you said that to his face, he'd kick you in the face.

"HEY BOY! THE FUCK ARE WE LATE!?" the old man fumed.

"S- Sorry daddy-"

SMASH!

"I'M NOT YOUR DADDY, I'M YOUR GRANDPA!" the old man shouted as he swung his cane into the chauffer's face, sending him flying off like a baseball.

This old man was Grandpadaddy, the baddest bambino in all of Lombardi. He was in a foul mood after hearing someone ripped him off, and was hiding out in the hotel.

Flexing his muscly, muscly, ankles, Grandpadaddy marched into the hotel. "You know who I am!?" he asked the receptionist.

"A... pimp?" the receptionist nervously replied.

"Right, BUT YOU NEED TO KNOW MY NAME!" Grandpadaddy fumed as he kicked the receptionist in the face with his foot, sending him flying through the wall.

He then grabbed the register and looked up the room of the guy who ripped him off, but got even angrier upon seeing he had supposedly checked out.

"YOU TELLING ME WE MISSED HIM!? SEARCH HIS ROOM!"

Grandpadaddy's men ran off as Grandpadaddy returned to the backseat of his limo to wait. As he did, he noticed a round man with a white beard and hair riding on a reindeer.

"LOOK! IT'S SANTA!" a bucktoothed boy standing nearby shouted as he pointed at the man.

Grandpadaddy rolled down the window, reached his hand out, and yanked the boy's buckteeth out. "NEVER SAY "SANTA" IN MY PRESENCE! CAPICE!?" he roared as the boy rolled on the ground in pain.

"WAAAAAAH! I'M SORRY, DADDY!"

"I'M NOT YOURE DADDY, I'M YOUR GRANDPA!" Grandpadaddy shouted as he turned up the radio and sped off in his limo towards the sea.

"We found Mr. Zutalors. He's hiding out on a ship at sea he's trying to pass off as an island," a voice crackled through the intercom.

And that was why Grandpadaddy was driving his limo across the water like it was a speedboat, science be damned. He eventually reached the boat and leapt up to find a sandy-haired man with a matching beard, clad in a purple suit, hat, and black platform dress shoes.

"The bambino... What ah you doin' here?" the man snarled as he gnawed down harder on the big fat cigar in his mouth.

"I'm lookin' for you, Zutalors! YOU JIPPED ME!" Grandpadaddy roared as his ankle muscles bulged.

"I jipped no one, you jipped yourself in coming here," Zutalors snarled as he began doing a little jig before blowing out a huge puff of smoke.

Grandpadaddy didn't care, and smacked Zutalors with his cane, sending him flying all the way back to the mainland where he was caught by his men.

"Now time to jip you!" Grandpadaddy laughed as he leaped back over and began shaving the restrained Zutalors until he was transformed from snazzy pimp to smooth hairless cuck.

And Grandpadaddy didn't skimp on anything. Armpit hair, eyebrows, beard, chesthair, leg hair, eyelashes, and of course head hair were brutally shaved and waxed away, leaving Zutalors completely humiliated.

"Noo! I'm Zutalors! You can't- Mmph!?"

"STUFF IT, CUCK! SLEEP WITH THE FISH!" Grandpadaddy fumed as he flipped off Zutalors before gagging him with a tennis ball and throwing him into the sea.

...

"And so, never be a bad boy or Grandpadaddy will fuck you up. The End," Jim huffed as he finished the story.

Just then, an old man with swollen ankles trudged on by the fence, causing little Jimmy to freakout. "Ahhh! It's Grandpadaddy! I'll be good! I'll be good!" he cried as he ran into the house.

"DANG KIDS! MY HEARING AIDS ARE SENSITIVE!" the old man fumed as he trudged away.

"Good ole Mr. Fleenstone. Always a good sport," Jim thought as a Swedish man suddenly appeared and ran up to the old man.

"GRAND DAD!" the Swedish man shouted.

Mr. Fleenstone smacked the man in the face with his cane, causing the man's wig to fall off as he was sent flying back to Sweden.

"Yup, and that's why nobody messes with ole "Grandpadaddy", or else you become a baseball," Jim chuckled.

[End]