The Utopia of a Fool

What makes a person ugly, face or inside? Maybe both of them. But I know one thing clearly, the ugliness on our face can be easily removed, but it is hard to do that cleaning from inside.

Our main heroine is Suzuki, she is born with the face problems which makes her pretty ugly. Even her parents were afraid of her face when she was born, but the family accepted her ugliness as the time passed. She was a timid, shy and introvert girl, and she has dark hair, thick eyebrows and slender body. She was the only child of the family and her family adores her so much. From her childhood, other children were afraid of her and sometimes bullied her because of her ugly face. To hide her face from others, she was wearing paper bags. And because of her ugly face, she was getting discriminated and left alone often. For that reason, she didn't have friends and was used to being alone. Though she already accepted this fate, at the same time, she was hating herself, her ugly face and she was sometimes crying without noticing.

As the time passed, she graduated from school and entered university. For everyone, this can be very special day, but for her, it was just the end of one meaningless life stage and beginning of new meaningless life stage. But she never know that her life would change when she entered the university. She fell in love with someone without noticing. At first, she did not understand what was happening to her: her lifeless emotions and her empty heart were not listening to her, so she thought she was sick at first. Then she realized that it was her first love. Her loved one was the most handsome boy in the class: the only one in class sees her as a normal girl and treats her kindly. She decided that for her future life and for her love life, she should remove her paper bag and show everyone her true face. It was a difficult and risky decision for her, but she was able to do that. At first, whole the class shocked when they saw her real face, some of them even horrified, but as time passed, they got used to her face. However, this didn't leave fear and ugliness feelings on students. Only thing that didn't change was her crush's behaviors towards her and he even felt bad for that she was hiding her face this whole time. She was sure about her love for him, but there was one big obstacle for her, she had to confess her feelings to him before being too late. Though she didn't have enough self-confidence, she gained courage, wrote love letter to him, invited him to behind of university building and confessed her love. It seems she had no luck from the beginning, her crush rejected the confession kindly because he loves someone else. The girl he loves was her childhood friend and they were already dating. This was first love for Suzuki and was first rejection for her. After getting rejected, she felt numb at first, then started to cry. It was hurting her a lot; she lost the mood to continue her school life. She got depressed, locked herself in her room and didn't leave her rooms for days. Though she was not rejected for her face, she started to blame herself, especially her face. But main rejection reason for her, was her face, she was thinking that she was not beautiful enough, so she got rejected and she had no friends. While looking at herself at mirror, she was rioting about her face and blaming her parents and God for giving her ugly face. She was repeating these words like a crazy: "Being like everyone, being with everyone, I want to be everyone." By doing that, she was spreading the seeds of darkness into her heart. Though her parents were trying to comfort and give advice to her, her situation was not changing. Everyone: her parents, teachers and that boy, was worried about her. After a while, she gained herself and started to leave her room. She apologized for what she did before and for worrying them. She mentioned that she would continue her studies, but she needed to live alone. Main reason for that was to provide the freedom and space for herself, and maybe by doing all chores by herself, she would be able to forget completely about that rejection. But that was deeper meaning behind her decision: when each time she saw her parents' face, she remembers her ugly face. The ugliness complex had already awakened the hatred towards her parents. Because of her timid personality, she can't show her hatred. Instead, she asked kindly a separate house for herself to live alone. Her parents clearly understood her opinion, agreed and provided her a house near the university because they love her so much. By doing that, Suzuki completely cut ties with her parents.

One day, Suzuki saw an old man near her house. He was mainly bald except small hair near his ears, thick eyebrows and small beard. Age had shown its effects on this old man, his eyebrows, small hair and beard were completely white, his face had covered with wrinkles and his back was bent. He had small height and happy face. Suzuki saw that he was carrying the heavy package, and it was giving hard time for for this old man. She thought he needs help and rushed to help him. The old man thanked to Suzuki for help and let her carry his load. After reaching the destination, he suggested her to rest a little bit and started to talk with her:

- "Thanks for helping me, the beautiful young lady. Without your help, it would be so hard for me to carry all this way. Probably, my back would give up on halfway."

She shyly answered:

- "I am not that beautiful..."

He continued:

- "You are so beautiful young lady, who says that you are ugly?! These blind persons haven't seen true beauty (kindness) inside your heart yet. Try not to listen these blind people, otherwise you will be blind like them, and at the end, you will corrupt your true beauty."

She:

- "So, you are talking about my inside... But my face is ..."

He interrupted:

- "I am talking about both. It seems that you didn't understand what I meant, but don't worry about that, when the time comes, you will understand what I truly meant to say. Anyways, thanks for helping me, young lady. I want to give you a gift for your help."

He took 3 golden apples from his luggage and gave to her:

- "These are wish apples. When you eat them, hold a wish and these apples will help you to reach that wish."

He gave her these apples, then entered his room and locked the door. She just shocked by the situation: What was he talking about? A fairytale? A Fantasy? There are so many "what if" questions in her head. But one thing that she is mostly curious about, is these apples. These apples shine like gold, have golden color and are smaller than normal apples, but their surface is like a normal apple. She put these apples in her pocket and returned home. To check the integrity of the old man's word, she held a wish while eating one of the apples. The wish was what she wanted most, to change what she was suffering from, to get rid of that ugly face. "Being like everyone, being with everyone, I want to be everyone." – she said these words from the deepest part of her heart. And the next day, when she woke up, she had different face and body. It was hard for her to grasp what was happening at first, after doing a little trial and error, she concluded that she had an ability to change her appearance to anyone she saw before. Her wish was somehow granted, and she was happy about these results though she was expecting the different thing from her wish at first. While she was thinking about what she could do with this ability, she suddenly remembered what she was seeking: she would gain again what she lost before. She can change her form to other people to make new friends and even to return her first love back. She can be happy again with this ability though she was deceiving everyone especially herself. That darkness she was hiding her inside, was changing her and she was slowly showing her true ugliness.

She prepared a perfect deciving plan for her new life: she would find the girl whom her first love mentioned about, would try to replace her slowly and would get rid of her after full replacement at the end. In order to make friends, she in the role of that girl would possess the friends of that girl as her friends and also would try to make other friends. Initially she stalked the boy, found his girlfriend and her name is Ann, then she stalked Ann and learned about her friends. Suzuki's first replication attempt would be with replacing Ann. Though her replication was perfect, Ann's friends got suspected from "Ann" because of her different behavior. Suzuki understood her mistake quickly and suspended her plan immediately in order not to be discovered. After getting home, she realized the problem in her ability: she cannot replicate the behavior of replicated person. At first, she couldn't find the solution and felt hopeless, then she remembered her remaining golden apples. She took one of remaining apples and tried to hold a wish. Then she suddenly realized the heaviness of next step: she has to give up her personality for her future. At first, she didn't want to do that and even wanted to give up on her plan, but she realized that this was only way for her to change her future completely. At the end, she decided to give up from her personality and ate the apple. Tomorrow, she noticed the immediate changes in her behavior: when she changes her appearance to someone, something was forcing to behave like that person. Though her behavior changed, she were free to choose her aim and plans. She could also behave like herself if she returned to her normal appearance. So, time was to test the strength of this ability and continued her operation. She tried to replicate Ann by checking with her friends, and the results were perfect. The plan was working very well, she was able to completely replace Ann. What was remaining in her plan was to get rid of original Ann completely. That part was difficult one: she could kill her and bury her corpse somewhere, but the police would find out that eventually. There were also other reasons: she was afraid of the blood, she never killed anyone or anything and she has no experience about killing. She thought about the last step of her plan very long and found her solution on last remaining golden apple. She held the wish that she could make clones in desired parameters and characteristics and ate the last remining apple. The next day, she made a test clone to check the results of her wish, and the test result was perfect: she could choose not only appearance, but also personality of a clone. However, there was a problem in this ability: she could do these changes only before creating a clone and after creating a clone, it was not possible to make changes, to remake or to delete a clone. This problem was not big deal for her, she just need to consider all parameters in advance before making a clone. So her deciving plan comes to its final step:

1. You, murderer clone, your first mission will be to kill Anna, hide her body perfectly and not to caught into police. After that, try to get rid of suspects before being too late.

2. You, police clones, help him hiding the fact about the death of Ann and suspects. Help it on release of murderer clone, if it was caught.

She: I need to create spare clones to replace dead people if there were suspects. And I will give all my ability to all my clones that they can continue without me. These clones will be totally loyal to me like slaves to their masters. So make me happiest person in the world, my clones!

The clones: As you wish my queen, you can be sure that there will be no happiest person like you!

She started to execute her plan carefully by checking often the conditions in police and murderer site, and at the end, no one get suspected any change, the plan was working like a charm. She made so many new friends, graduated university with good marks and married the boy she loved with the help of her clones. Suzuki achieved everything in her life what she wanted. At the end, she stopped worrying her plan and suspicions, lived her life fully. But new problem emerged from her happy plan: she was not happy about her situation. As she looks at herself on mirror, she was feeling that she was not one who achieved all of these, it was someone else. At first, it was not big deal for her, she could endure it, but it became unbearable as the time passed. "Why, why, why I am not happy, my plans worked, I achieved my dreams, I should be happiest person in the world, why I am not happy?!" - she asked herself. She was not on herself anymore, she could not be herself and as the time was passing, being Ann was draining her happiness and mentality, she often forgot who she was before. At the end, she decided that it was physcological problem happening on her as an excuse to escape from the reality, so she decided to visit an expert psychologist for examination. When she entered the room of the psychologist, she saw the familiar face: the old man who gave her those apples, was doctor. When he saw Suzuki, he smiled at her, and showed her a place for seat. He started to talk:

- "How was those apples? Did you enjoy their taste? It seems that you have changed so much. I must say..."

She interrupted his speech:

- "How did you know that I am that girl?"

He calmly continued:

- "In fact, I didn't know that you are that girl I met before. It seems that you fell into my trap. I say these words to all my patients to check that that girl is here or not. When they confused, I just say don't worry about me, I am old man, I sometimes mistake someone."

She continued timidly:

- "Did you know that I will come here one day?"

He answered calmly:

- "I didn't know that she would come here, but I always check my luck anytime to see that beautiful lady and I hoped that one day, I will meet her one day, before I die: she would come here to share her happy memories and to show her beauty again and I die happily. Though I am not planning to die soon, I would not regret dying without seeing her last time or waiting her till my last breath. But it seems that she will never return back ever"

She answered timidly:

- "You know I am here, that girl, Suzuki, ugly girl."

He continued:

- "You know I see nothing, just darkness in you. You are not that girl, you cannot be that girl, she was pure and beautiful girl, but right now what I am seeing that ugliness and darkness, nothing else. What is your problem, my patient?"

He was weird one, but at the same time, what he was saying, hit her like truck and showing her real truth what she became:

- "Then what can I do to get rid of this ugliness you mentioned?"

He calmy answered:

- "You know the answer to your own question, be yourself before being too late and confront with reality!"

After he finished talking, neither she nor he talked anymore. She just left the room slowly and went home. She clearly understand what he was trying to say and what was her problem: she was just ignoring herself this whole time, and solution was not easy for her: she couldn't reveal her true self to everyone, otherwise it would be over for her, and her big plan would go whole waste. Her plan didn't give a happy future she wanted, and the burden of sins she committed were weighting her down. There was no other choice, so she decided to confess her crimes and bad deeds. She would confess first to her husband and then other people; she decided like that. One day, before going to bed, she confessed everything to him. While she was explaining, she was bowing her ground, and he was silently listening to her talk. After she finished her talking, she showed her real face. He started to talk:

- "Finally, you understood the true happiness, my queen. I have been waiting for you whole time. You did wake up from the illusion which you created yourself."

She didn't understand what he meant and decided to lift her head to look up his face, but what she saw made her shocked. Whole time, her husband, in fact, was her clone. She got angry and wanted an explanation from it about that. Her clone happily answered:

- "My queen, we are always ready at your service. We deliberately completed your tasks bestowed upon us and try to make you happiest life in the world. For that reason, we got rid of any obstacle, any problem in your way, in your life. Not only him, but also others who also got suspicious from the fake reality and didn't agree with your methods, so we killed all of them and replaced all of them."

She with the shocking face:

- "All of them, what did you mean, whom do you consider by saying that? Answer me!"

It continued:

- "All of them, all people in this entire world! We did it, we did this for you, for your happiness, my queen, so you will not need to hide your face from everyone, you will not need to be someone anymore. All of this world is yours right now, now you are happiest person in this world."

She traumatized from what from its answer and step back. While stepping back, she saw her ugly reflection on the mirror: she scared from herself, she disgusted from herself, she disguested and scaredd from her actions, what she had done, what monstrosity she have done, all world, all world was massacred due to her stupid plan. She lost her mind after what she heard, she grabbed the knife from near table and stabbed her clone. Her faithful clone accepted this hit as a gift like a crazy man:

- "Dying by your hands, it is great pleasure for me, my queen..."

She got irritated from its words and stabbed it continuously like a crazy serial killer. After its voice was gone completely, she stopped and mumbled under her lips: I didn't kill them, I didn't kill them, yes, they killed, they are murderers, I have to kill them, I will avenge them. She smiled and left the house with a knife on her hand. She started to kill everyone what she saw on street without stopping, she killed, she killed a lot. After so long, undescrible, tiring moments later, she as tired from killing, as painted with blood, lay down on ground. She was drenched with blood, her hand, whole body were shaking, she was sad and crying while regretting from her actions

The old man was right, she understood that very late, she lost everything and everyone. Now everything was true nightmare for her, she was less happy than before, she was darker than before, but two things didn't change for her, two things remained by her always: her dark, lone soul and her ugly face. She was a fool: she didn't find her happiness on herself: her eyes were always on someone, she always envied everyone, complained about she didn't have and forgot about what she had as herself, her beauty. That ruins, that terror that she made was her utopia, the utopia of a fool.