The Delusional Hero

The light shines brightly in my eyes as I’m woken by the bustling vendors and people outside my window. “Another day, another time to waste my life away.” I sigh as I wipe the sweat away from my forehead and sit up.

Sure is hot and lively today, I wonder if Jaro has any missions for me today.

I suddenly hear a loud pounding against my door. “HEY GET UP! IT'S ALREADY NOON AND YOU’RE STILL ASLEEP?”

My brain feels like it was gonna burst. “OH SHUT UP YOU OLD HAG! DO YOU THINK YOU CAN TALK LIKE THAT TO ME WHILE I’M PAYING MY RENT WITH MY OWN MONEY?”

I knew what was coming next. A loud gasp, pulling in air like she was about to blow, sensory overload. I quickly bar my ears with my hands. “RENT!? RENT!? YOU HAVEN’T EVEN PAID YOUR RENT FOR THE PAST 4 MONTHS YOU JOBLESS BUM, GET UP AND GO FIND WORK BEFORE I DECIDE TO KICK YOU OUT TO THE STREETS! Calling me an old hag, I’m only in my 60s and I’m still beautiful enough to bring in men, tch.”

Her footsteps retreat off into the distance. I groan and fall back down onto the bed before thrashing around. “I don’t want to work, I don’t want to work, I don’t want to work!” I repeat, flailing my arms on the bed. I just want to sleep, wake up, eat, try to pick up girls, get rejected, come back and sleep again. Why do I need to work? Why do I need to be an upstanding person in society? I’m doing well enough here. 

A hero like me only needs to kill monsters and save people! Money comes after!

I glance around my room. Rubbish here, rubbish there. An upstanding citizen would not be able to pull off what I’m doing. “Heh, I knew I was the chosen one, these commoner upstarts don’t know the difference between a legend and a legend in the making.” I give myself a pat on the back before sitting back up straight. “Now, I guess I’ll go make some money before the old hag complains again.”

I yawn and stand up, pulling my arms above my head for a stretch, all of a sudden, I hear something pop. “Ahh, I knew I was going to make it somewhere in my life.” A terrible pain appears out of nowhere, pulling and pushing my muscles like they were about to give birth to the biggest child in the world. “Ouch ouch ouch!” I flail back down onto the bed, wailing around in agony as the pain continuously increases. After a while, the pain seems to have receded a little bit. I grin proudly. “That’s enough work for today. Time for some more sleep.”

The light from the outside seems to have gone by in a flash. At first, I thought it was just me, but as the minutes tick by, the realization kicks in that it is, in fact, nightfall. Outside my room, an ominous sound approaches my door. I tilt my head lazily to the side to have a glance at the door, but standing in front of me is none other than the lord of the underworld or was it a lordess? Both seem to suit fine. I give them a blank stare as they tread towards me. Before they could get any closer, I get up off the bed and run towards the window before leaping out of the window and into the darkness in fear.

“You bum! Get back here now! I can’t believe you slept in all day today!?”

“Phew, I was able to get away. I guess I’ll head to Jaro to see if he’s got anything for me, it's not even that late so surely he’ll have something for me.”

***

The guild hall is as busy as ever – the murmurs between people and their parties, mixed with the loud obnoxious laughs I always hear. Either way, I couldn’t care less, as I’m here for one thing only and nothing will get in my way!

“No.” Jaro muttered to me with a look of disdain in his eyes.

No? “What do you mean no? Do you have any idea what I just went through to come here? I was dealing with a monster, the likes of whom could destroy the world with their bare hands!” I give him a serious look, knowing he would easily fall for it.

“No means no. There’s no more missions available. You got here too late, that’s it.” He gives me a sigh and points toward the job board. “We had over 50 missions today, 50. You had the whole day to come and pick out a single one but you didn’t.”

I flail my hands around. “But like I just said! I was busy dealing with – “

“I don’t care what you went through Zero, everyone has their own issues, but they still made time to come pick up these missions. I’m sorry, but maybe this just isn’t meant for you. Maybe you should help Mabel out with the inn, she’s getting old and not what she –”

“Shut up.” I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Zero, I’m serious. I– “

“I said, SHUT UP!” Why is he looking at me like that? What did I do wrong? I did nothing wrong. I woke up and came to find a job. Sure, yeah, I woke up late, I fell back asleep again, and woke up even later, but that doesn’t mean you just look at me like...like I’m a worthless piece of garbage. “Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!” I muttered furiously.

I turn towards the exit and storm towards it, kicking tables to the side, pushing others out of the way. I feel their eyes on me, judging me, acting like they’re better than me, just because I do nothing with my life doesn’t mean I’m not useful, doesn’t mean they know me. I stop by the threshold of the door and turn around to face them. Some people stare at me, others look away in embarrassment, others smirk, while others don’t care. I’m fed up with this, with everything.

“I’LL PROVE YOU ALL WRONG! I’LL WIPE THOSE DISGUSTING SMIRKS AND LAUGHS FROM THE FACE OF THE WORLD! I’LL SHOW YOU ALL THAT I AM –”

The door closes and slams into me. I fall flat on my back and everyone just erupts into that mocking laughter that always surrounds me.

“YOU SURE PROVED US RIGHT THERE ZERO!”

“YEAH! MAKE SURE TO SHOW US HOW YOU DID IT HAHA!”

I sigh and drape my arm over my eyes, my chest trembling slightly as I let a pathetic quiet sob slip past my lips. “Great... Just great.”