The Joy of Being Here

Something had shifted in Sayane’s spirit. The exhaustion remained, but she at least had some manner of calm resolution in her mind that afternoon when she finally returned to her and Azag’s home.

He was with her, as was Attis and Can-Mo.

Few words had been spoken as they’d marched back from the Etherfont. Kol’s enraged shouts had echoed after them as they’d exited, and Sayane could still hear them lingering in her ears, but she did not regret what had occurred. The party reached Sayane and Azag’s circular door, and none seemed to wish to part.

“Do you all want to come in?” Sayane asked.

Her teeth were still burning in pain. Opening her eyes too much sent cutting jolts of friction into her sockets. Sleep sounded a welcome escape, but so did company. Can-Mo smiled at the offer and bowed.

“I’d like that.”

Attis nodded.

“I need to clean myself and wash my mouth first. The lingering taste is… unpleasant,” he said with a fanged smirk.

Only now could Sayane fully appreciate just how oversized his mouth was. Serrated, triangulated teeth jutted up and down, forever hinting at violent potential. Yet up until today, those teeth had only ever been bared to smile.

“You can rinse in our bath if you want,” Sayane offered.

Attis smiled.

“I’ll use mine. Thank you, child. I will be swift. Oh! And I have your cloudbrush!” he clapped in remembrance.

“Arrived last night.”

Sayane chuckled. Her bleeding was over for this cycle. But at least she’d have something for next time.

Attis stepped into his small home and the other three entered Sayane and Azag’s dwelling.

“Oh, hello beautiful friends!” Can-Mo called when he saw the sacred instruments in the nearby room.

Azag slowly bent down and began to wipe his feet. Sayane removed her boots with a grunt. Can-Mo offered a tentacle of support as he obverved.

“What’s this routine?” he asked.

“Cleaning my feet and removing her shoes. Like how her people did in her first life,” Azag explained.

“Interesting…” Can-Mo replied as his tentacles tapped in embarrassment.

“You’re fine, dear friend,” Sayane chuckled.

As soon as her boots were off, exhaustion crashed into her like a flash flood. Suddenly, her bed seemed more enticing than before.

“Don’t mind me, I’m just gonna…” Sayane muttered as she fell face-first onto the bedding.

There was little doubt she could have fallen asleep right then and there, but for once, she didn’t have a fear of potentially closing her eyes for the last time. She had faith she would greet another sunrise. And another. And another. Until she was ready.

Azag reached her and she felt her sleeves being removed. Ribbon ties were undone and her top loosened. She turned over to her back and felt the material come off of her, leaving her torso exposed as she remained chest down and depleted.

“I’ll change you,” he said softly as cool air met her exposed skin.

First, Azag dipped a towel into the bath, then returned to her and slowly wiped the dried blood from her face and chest. Cold drops ran along the contours of her collarbones and sternum, gathering at the base of her ribs and the point where they touched the bed.

Bumps rose along her breasts and shoulders, causing the small hairs on her forearms to rise. Cool chills sent a shiver of awareness through her ribs as his large knuckles ran along her skin. Sayane’s lips turned upwards as she allowed herself to drift through the experience of feeling him and everything else.

Their bed was firm and cool. Even though the window was open, the air had always felt still, as though true wind did not exist in Haven. His side smelled like him. Earthen. Ancient yet calming. Like standing barefoot on the earth.

She was crying again.

“Sayane?’ Azag asked.

“I’m fine. I’m okay,” she frowned as she wiped her eyes and returned to relishing the moment.

Folds met her head, and Azag slowly pulled an evening gown over her head and down her shoulders.

“Oh, you always look so luminous in this color, my dear,” Can-Mo sighed as his tentacles helped with the silver and lavender fabric.

“Do you wish to remove your leggings?” Can-Mo asked.

Sayane nodded as her lips pulled down and another wave of emotion moved through her. Can-Mo began to undo the binds on her waist as Azag gently removed her brace from her knee. Every sound of shifting metal and sliding fabric told her she was there. Each graze from flesh and silk told her she was there. Inhales and exhales from all of them told her she was there. Seconds slid by like the currents of ether just beyond the window, and soon she was covered again.

Then a sniffle beside her caught her attention. At first, she thought it was Can-Mo. But it came from the opposite side. When her eyes parted, she beheld that it was Azag who was crying. His mask had been removed and shimmering tears were streaming down his neck.

He chuckled and shook his head.

“Can-Mo started it,” he said with a smile.

“Sayane started it! I just… didn’t want her to feel alone in her cry!” Can-Mo laughed.

Sayane took both of them in her hands as she stayed on her back and looked at the smooth ceiling high above them. That moment may have lasted for eternity if they’d let it. The door parted, almost breaking the tranquility. But the subtle scuffs of tiny paws on stone told her it was Attis.

“Is everything okay?!” he asked in a hurry.

“We’re fine! I’m fine! I’m okay!” Sayane laughed through sniffs as she released Azag and Can-Mo and held her arms open above her chest.

Attis understood and rushed forward without hesitation, leaping onto the bed beside her and crawling onto her chest, where she wrapped him in both arms and pulled him close.

“It’s you. It’s all of you. I love all of you so, so, so very much,” Sayane cried.

“Oh, sweet, gentle child,” Attis sniffed.

“Heeeey, Attis is joining the crying party as well,” Azag laughed as he sat on the bed beside them.

Sayane released Attis long enough to tap at her other side, inviting Can-Mo to join them.

“Are you sure? I… I am large, and clammy, and…”

“Get in the bed, Can-Mo,” Azag said.

With that, the large being slid beside them, fully surrounding Sayane in nurturing and gentleness as she felt her body melt between the bedding and her gown.

“This life is beautiful,” she said as she pulled the greatest amount of air into her lungs as possible.

“This life is beautiful,” they repeated.

“And I’ll see another sunrise. Then another. And another,” she added.

“Then another!” Can-Mo cheered.

“Then another!” Attis agreed.

He wiped her eyes and softly brushed some dampened hair from her lashes.

“And another. And another. And another. Until you have lived all your days.”

Her lips met his palm, and she nodded. She dared to reopen her eyes to confirm that everything was still there. It was a sensation she was wholly ready to release. No more fear of sleeping or waking. No more terror in completing a task. Lids parted and beheld the glorious sight of him leaning beside her.

She would not part with the gratitude of every new day. Dying young already then being hurled into such a world as this had made her certain that she would greet every new day as a blessing. But she wouldn’t greet every night in panic.

The Ethereal’s journey would be rewritten.

“I… I brought your cloudbrush…” Attis offered.

Sayane finally sat up to look, never releasing Attis. A laugh of pure joy burst from her mouth before she could process it.

Attis, ever the gentleman, had brought her options. A small pile of dozens of different-sized cattail-like vegetation cuts was waiting for her at the foot of their bed.

“I didn’t know what size you would, um, need. So I asked for a bit of everything.”

Burning joy locked in her ribs as she tried to breathe. In Tokyo, the supermarket had aisles of different brands that were tailored towards every size and flow. As funny as it was, this was close to that.

“I’ll… I’ll try them out and…”

A forbidden snort snuck from her nostrils, and she fell back, laughing so hard the tears returned.

“That was a new noise,” Azag laughed.

“I’m just so happy. I’m so very happy,” Sayane belted between gasps.

She was alive. All of this. Every sensation she was feeling was striking her with a clarity she’d not felt for months. Deep in the recesses of her mind, she’d become afraid it might have been lost forever in the reality of life in this new world she was tasked with guiding. Yet there in that bed, surrounded by those who had been with her through the most during her time in Illarios, she felt the rushing wonder of life once more.

“Holy hell, what a day,” Sayane sighed as she massaged her ribs.

Attis finally slid from her stomach and sat beside her, tucking his legs beneath his fur.

“I’m sorry I didn’t do what we set out to,” she added.

Azag shook his head.

“I’m sorry we didn’t imagine the potential risk for you. We will find another way to awaken the Ether and fix it all.”

Sayane glanced at Attis.

“Remember when we first met. I was so afraid you were going to eat me. I’m glad those teeth never turned on me!”

Attis sighed and lifted the edge of his lip to reveal his fangs.

“Such a distasteful thing. But that troublemaker Kol deserved it. I have no regrets.”

“But removing him from the Council?” Sayane asked.

Attis shook his head.

“We’ll deal with the fallout. They are still the head of the mages, so as strange as it is, we will likely still have to engage with them. As for Sall-Da, the other Returner…”

“Can I have Miux and Ixhari kill him?” Azag asked.

His tone was neutral and Sayane knew he was only moderately joking.

“Fading into irrelevance will be far worse for an ego like his,” Attis counseled.

Azag sighed and clipped his mask back to position.

“I reserve the right to kill him if I’m having a bad day…”

They all laughed once more, and Sayane fully sat upright. Beside them, the instruments were still slumbering. The Great Harmony Shard was far away, shining bright in the distance as tiny Ether currents flowed around it in spirals.

“I’d really hoped it would have been done today. Like, I’d wanted so bad for the Ether to awaken, and it would tell everyone that everything was going to be okay. Hell, I wanted it to tell ME that,” Sayane admitted.

“We all did,” Can-Mo agreed.

“We’ll find a way. But you’re right. I also had hoped this would have been the grand moment we needed to let everyone know we were officially out of the darkness,” Attis concurred.

“It feels like we’ve only been reacting. Even though The Silence is gone, we are still in its shadow,” Azag said.

All of them were correct. So much had happened since the fall of The Silence and the destruction of the Dissonance. But the realm still felt like it was existing in The Silence’s world. Sayane had hoped today would have been the grand breaking point, but that didn’t happen. It was as though all the world needed some final push to tell them that things were truly different. Hard times and difficult challenges would still await them, but they would happen in the New World, not in the Silence’s world.

“We just need to do something then. Something that tells everyone it’s a new day,” Sayane said.

They all looked to one another for ideas.

“Something grand, and joyous, and beautiful,” Can-Mo agreed.

As they spoke, something occurred to Attis, and his ears stood upright with an idea. A tiny paw slid from beneath his fur and tapped on Sayane’s leg. She looked down to see her dear friend smiling a very excited smile.

“I have the most wonderful idea,” Attis said.