Go With The Flow

The view looked absolutely stunning as the bus drove by the countryside. Verdant meadows and rocky mountains added to the beauty of their drive to the ancient city and the old capital of Japan, Kyoto.

After a long journey on the road, the buses had finally arrived in Kyoto. This was the moment everyone had been waiting for. The extreme excitement amongst the students brightened the aura and could be felt by every person that passed by. On top of that, instead of the usual hotel, they were staying at a ‘Ryokan’, the traditional Japanese inn.

‘Ryokans’ were one of the only places that were left untouched by the technological advances of the previous years, making them a very popular tourist spot, owing to their traditional and beautiful gardens.

For the first few hours, all students had ‘free time’ on their schedule. They were allowed to go anywhere in Kyoto, in groups or in pairs, and were required to return to the designated ‘Ryokan’, when the designated time was over. This time was usually given to students to let them buy souvenirs for friends and family, or to explore the cultural capital of Japan by themselves.

Natsume chose to explore the city and dragged Akihiro with him while Ayane went looking for cute gifts to bring back for her family.

“Ayane chose to go buy souvenirs instead of coming with us. That’s so lame. It’s so much more fun to explore the city instead. That’s what I came here for.” Natsume said.

Akihiro’s head hurt again but he didn’t flinch. By this point, he had become accustomed to these frequent headaches.

“I feel tired for some reason,” Akihiro said with a sigh.

“Do you want to sit down?”

“No, I didn’t mean physically tired. I can probably run, I feel like I’m more inclined to not run even if you push me.”

“Ah I see...don’t worry! They don’t call me the ‘Great Love Philosopher’ for nothing.”

“Great Love Philosopher…?”

“Yes, that’s right. Lemme guess...you started feeling this way because Ayane chose to not come with us. Things didn’t go the way you expected them to go, right?”

“Maybe...I don’t know. I think I started feeling tired after she left to buy souvenirs. It’s like I can move, I can even run but now I just don’t want to.”, Akihiro replied.

“Akihiro…you’ve changed a lot. I still don’t know how it happened or when it started. Ah, I still don’t like this side of you but I guess I have no other choice but to accept it. Tell me more about how you have been feeling nowadays.”

“Feeling… I think that word makes sense to describe what’s going on with my body. All these years, every day would start and end and nothing significant would occur. Completely monotonous, the cycle just kept repeating again and again. I’d do what I needed to do and then I’d sleep. There wasn’t any reason for me to do any of it. I did it because it was my role, it was expected from me. But recently, probably ever since I started having these random headaches, my body has gained a new mind of its own that disobeys what I say. Before I know it, my facial muscles start moving involuntarily. If I want to execute an action, my body would just resist me. The resistance keeps getting stronger and stronger as the days pass by. Yes, I think calling this resistance ‘feelings’ is more appropriate. My body has started feeling something that I cannot comprehend. My body makes decisions on its own, without any proper reason.”, Akihiro explained.

They had just reached a small wooden bridge. A small sparkling stream flowed below the bridge. They stood on the bridge and watched the fishes swim against the current of the stream.

Natsume knew it all in the back of his head but had always been reluctant to accept it. Now that Akihiro was able to put it in words, there was no choice for Natsume other than to accept it.

“Aki-kun, you are able to feel emotions. Your body doesn’t have a mind of its own; it’s a part of you. You need to take the advice of your emotions too from time to time. Your emotions are like a river, you can alter the course, hold it back for some time by using dams, but in the end, the river will still continue to flow and you cannot reverse it. Just flow with it.”, Natsume said.

“Even if it’s illogical?”

“Especially when it’s illogical”

“I cannot comprehend this.”

“Most people cannot. They just allow their emotions to take over and do as they please. And that’s not a bad thing; it will become natural for you too, to let your body move before you can think. Like that time when you jumped to save Ayane.”

Akihiro remained silent as he slowly placed his hand on his heart.

“Have you felt the desire to start doing actions for someone else and not for yourself?” Natsume asked.

Akihiro suddenly looked at Natsume. “Yes, I’ve felt it before yet I can’t comprehend it. However I look at it, I still can’t understand it. Why would I do something that doesn’t benefit me? It makes no sense. Aren’t all humans selfish by nature?”

“Haha, have you heard of this saying?

‘We humans are created in the image and likeness of the gods. We are selfish, and that’s natural. Yet we can also be selfless, and that’s love.’

It’s one of my favourite quotes.” Natsume said proudly.

“No, I haven’t heard of a saying that goes like that. Who gave it though?”, Akihiro asked.

“Obviously me! I am the Great Love Philosopher after all! Hahahahaha” Natsume said as he laughed hysterically.

“So love is a divine trait that makes us similar to gods?”, Akihiro questioned.

“Yes. But love is not just a boon; it could be a curse too.” Natsume said with a solemn expression, probably remembering his past. “Just flow with the river, Aki-kun. Be true to your feelings, even if they don’t make sense.”

“Most of the time I don’t even understand what my body is trying to say. My heart feels like it’s drained out. It really feels light. It feels empty.” Akihiro explained.

“Eventually you will understand why your body reacts like that. Probably your body wants you to perform actions that prevent your heart from feeling empty.”, Natsume explained.

“I still can’t comprehend it.” Akihiro was completely lost and was unable to understand anything that Natsume had explained.

“I don’t think anyone does, Aki-kun.” Natsume said, but this time he wasn’t looking at Akihiro anymore. His gaze was fixed on the sky. This conversation had reminded Natsume of memories he wasn’t too fond of. “It took me years to understand my own feelings, and I still feel like I haven’t understood them. There are times when I am supposed to be completely normal but just hearing her name, or remembering the incident still bothers me. I’ve tried so many different methods to erase this memory. I’ve tried so hard to not get bothered. It’s irrational. There’s no reason for me to be so bothered yet it still affects me. So it’s okay, Aki-kun. It’s okay if you don’t understand your feelings. If you are lucky enough, you might be able to understand them or at least be able to find something that’ll make you feel normal.”

“I don’t feel empty like this when I’m with you and Ayane. My body is at peace when I’m with you both. My heart races, but other than that it’s something that my body enjoys. Only my head hurts when I’m around Ayane.” Akihiro said.

Natsume paused for a minute and then looked at Akihiro. He couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore. “Pfft- Hahahaha! I was expecting you to tell me that you like Ayane or you enjoy being with her or something like that. But Headaches? Hahaha!”

Akihiro ignored Natsume’s reaction. They had already reached the ‘Ryokan’, the place they were required to be present at, once the ‘free time’ was over.

Ayane was at the entrance, walking inside with a bag filled with small key chains and some traditional Japanese sweets, probably as souvenirs for her family.

“AYANE!” Natsume shouted and waved frantically. Ayane turned back and stood at the entrance, watching them as they took their own sweet time to reach the entrance.

Natsume looked at Akihiro and placed his hand on Akihiro’s back, pushing him forward as he said, “Whatever you told me, go tell it to her.”