Freya

Breathe... Breathe out... Breathe... Breathe out...

That was... really shocking. I wasn’t that much self-aware since I’ve never had to be, but, things are changing.

„Are you okay?” she asked; it had to be a shock for her too what I was doing.

„I’m fine.”

I raised my head and deeply sighed.

Oh, my forehead is red. It hurts a bit. No wonder why.

„I didn’t know that it would be so shocking to you. I’m sorry.” she was clearly worried.

„It’s fine. I’m still learning things.”

„Ah!” she stood up for cloth. „It's still cold, cover yourself.”

She’s so kind. She’s aware of who I am, yet she’s not that much afraid of me. Also, she wasn’t like people before. But...

„Why?”

„Uh?”

„Why are you so nice to me?”

She couldn’t find an answer to that.

„Are you not afraid of me?”

Even I didn’t feel comfortable asking her that.

„I was,” she began. „but, when I saw you doing those things, how you behave... I can’t think of you as scary-"

„Freya! Freya! Oh! Mr Ouranos! Thank to Gods!” it was a man.

„I’ll be in a moment.”

She said that and left the room. I wonder what’s going on, I can’t hear anything.

Hmm... So she’s not afraid of me? It’s kind of relieving. She could approach me much easier than minutes ago. Hmm... I could check the clothes Freya has brought.

Oh, she came back.

„I’m back. Oh, you’re checking them? Do you like any?”

„What happened?”

„Ahh... Mr Ouranos was asked to help and had to go. He’ll be back later.” she said and right after she added. „You don’t mind, right?”

If he had to go, then nothing can be done.

„It’s fine.”

„Alright then, let me help you with choosing.”

There wasn’t a big choice while out of five dresses only one fit me. It was hard to say if it looked good on me, but I think it wasn’t that bad.

„I knew they could not fit properly, but that much?” Freya talked to herself. „Good that at least one is fine. What do you think?”

It wasn’t that bad, but...

„It flattens me.”

„Oh, is it?” she giggled.

„It looks like made for child.”

„It is.”

„I’m not a child! I’m an adult!”

I may look young, I’m smaller in every way than Freya, but I’m definitely an adult!

„You know, I can make something more „adult" for you, but you need to give me few days. How does it sounds?”

„Don’t treat me like a child!”

„I’m sorry, but you look really cute this way.”

Am I?

Freya seemed to be more relaxed around me, she’s not so shy or careful when interacting with me. She’s really nice person.

„How are shoes? Good as well?”

„I think so.”

„So, guess you’re good- Ahh! You need underwear! I don’t think I have any... Can you give me a second, I’ll just go for tools?”

„Sure.”

She came back with few items.

„I can take all measurements at once.”

„Measurements?”

„Mhm. I need them to make clothes to you. Otherwise they could be too short or too long-"

„Ah, to tailor them, right?”

„Yes.”

„So, if you can take off your clothes for a moment...”

„Again?”

I did it once already. Besides, can’t she do that while I have them on?

„I need to have exact numbers, it won’t take long.”

„Okay.”

Meanwhile measuring she was writing something on paper. I asked her about it after that.

„What did you write?”

„Measurements. I won’t be able to remember them all, so I put them on paper. It’s really helpful, I’m still thankful to Mr Ouranos for that.”

„For what?” I got curious.

„He taught me how to write. Although, only that much so I can use it for my work, but it helps me a lot.”

„What about this drawing?” she draw something similar to human, but simplified.

„Ah, it supposed to be human. I put next to certain part a number. I could just write „chest – that much; hips – that much", but I don’t know how to write them. It was too difficult for me, so I came up with this.”

It’s still impressive how she dealt with that. That is very smart.

„It’s nice.”

„Thank you.” she smiled.

„Ouranos taught you that?”

„Yes, he did. Mr Ouranos is very wise and he can do a lot of things, that we can’t do. I thought that you need to be quite old to be like that, but he doesn’t look old at all. I’m not sure how old is Mr Ouranos, but I don’t think he’s more than 30.”

I have no clue what that means.

„Is 30 a lot?”

„Oh, you don’t know? Umm...” she put herself in thought. „It means that he’s an adult, but not old one. Having 30 years of age is still being young for me.”

„And you have how much?”

„I’m 18.”

She’s younger than him, but it still doesn’t tell me much.

„Is it a lot?”

„No, I barely became an adult, but mom says that I’ll be one when I’ll get married and have children.”

„Why?”

„It’s just mom's thing. She believes that adulthood starts when people are founding families, having children etc.”

„Uh...”

„I can tell you a bit more while preparing stuff for you.”

„I’d be thankful.”

„Let’s move on then.”

We came back to the first room. I took a seat somewhere and Freya was doing her job.

„You know, we as a women don’t have that easy in life compared to men. We need to rely on them in terms of money, since not many people want to employ women.”

„But you have job, right?”

„For now, yes, but I’ll soon get married and won’t have that much time for it.”

„Oh...”

„You know, it doesn’t make me sad. My fiance is a good man. He works now for his father, but he’ll inherit that business, so we don’t need to worry about money. Even so, I’d want to still sew or, maybe, practice somewhere to make more fancy things. It will be difficult, but when I see those dresses which noble ladies are wearing, then I’m even more convinced in that dream.”

„Why it will be difficult?”

„I won’t have that much time when I’ll be married, also, it costs a lot of money, especially materials.”

„Hmm...”

„You know, I have an ambition to be better in what I’m doing, but also I have an ambition to be a good wife and mother.”

„...”

„My fiance is a really good man. I’m really lucky to have him. He’s been always good for me and my family. I won’t count how many times he and his family helped us. I really do love him and I want to marry him. That’s why I decided to put my dreams second to my future husband, for him.”

She’s... really determined in that, but to sacrifice her dreams for someone else? I don’t understand it. There are still so many things that I don’t understand. I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get them at some point.

„Are you really okay with that?”

„Absolutely. If I can do something for him, then it’s to make him happy. And that’ll make me happy too.”

...

„It’s not that I won’t completely be able to sew. I’ll have to first take care of children, then, when they’ll be older, I’ll have more time for myself.”

It’s still... I don’t know...

„Umm...” she wanted to turn to me, but...

„Gaia.”

„Huh?”

„That’s my name, or you didn’t mean-"

„Gaia? Like Mother Gaia?” she was a bit surprised.

„Uhh...”

She knows something as well besides Ouranos.

„Oh, I thought you’ve been told.”

„I haven’t. I’ve asked Ouranos about it, but he didn’t want to tell me.”

„Well, if that’s the case, then I won’t tell as well.”

„Uhh? Why?”

What is this conspiracy against me?

„It’s nothing important, really! It’s just the name appearing in our folklore as well, but if Mr Ouranos decided to not tell you, then I won’t do that myself either.”

If it’s nothing important, then why they’re hiding it from me?

I just sighed.

Oh! I recalled something I wanted to ask her.

„Freya, you said that why you’re marrying him?”

„Because I love him.”

Hmm... I know nothing about that. I don’t know what love is.

„What is love anyway?”

„Uhh...”

I think I should ask Ouranos about that.

„You know... It’s hard thing to explain...”

„It's a feeling, right? So you can explain it by saying how you are feeling, when you’re under it.”

„It’s still complicated, but... I think it’ll be easier this way. Umm... When I’m with Clive, my fiance, I’m really happy. Time spent with him is always precious, we’re never really getting tired of ourselves. We always find something to talk about, but there are times that we just sit and enjoying our time together.” she said that with the most honest smile she could ever have. „I want to be close to him all the time. He’s very special for me.”

„It’s... really complicated...”

„I know! It’s really hard to explain it!”

„Umm... When did you start to love him?”

„Uhhh...”

Guess it’s another complicated question.

„I can’t really tell when exactly. We’re together from 2 years, he confessed to me and then we got together, but... I don’t know...”

I’ll have to really ask Ouranos.

„I’m sorry, it’s just...”

„It’s fine, it’s fine!”

„You’ll know how it is, when you’ll fall in love with someone.” she said and then added. „One thing I’m certain! Whenever I look at, think about or talk with Clive, I always have in my mind that this is a man that I want to spend my life with and I don’t want anybody else.”

„Your whole life?”

„Mhm.”

That is something... She really must love him a lot. I still don’t know much about it, but it’s enough to look at her or hear her when she talks about her fiance. I’m a bit curious to experience it myself.

„You know...”

„Hm?”

„You seem to be very nice person, Gaia.” she turned to me and smiled warmly.

It was actually first time someone said something like that to me. It made me really happy, that she doesn’t think I’m bad. I used to do bad things and I’ve wanted to do it to them. I didn’t know it was bad. I was just... really desperate, as I didn’t know what else I can do. Not much time has passed since that, but I want to try live differently, since it's possible. I was losing hope that I won’t be able to learn how to live among them, but one bad experience doesn’t necessarily mean anything.

Freya is the second person, who accepted me. I feel really happy at heart.

Uh? Why... Why am I crying? It’s so stupid.

„Gaia?”

Stop it... Just stop it...

„Are you okay?” she came up closer.

„I’m... happy...” my voice was cracking again.

She didn’t say nor do anything at first, then she came more closer to me.

„!!!”

Uh? Why she-? Is it- Is it the ‘hug’ thing?

... It’s so nice... This feeling... It makes me feel that things are going to be alright. It’s really a pleasant feeling which words can’t explain. That someone else is holding you...

... And all bad things are going away.

„It’ll be fine.” she said quietly. „You’ll have a lot of time to show everyone that you’re not bad at heart. So keep your head up.”

„Mhm.” I nodded.

Ouranos still hasn’t appeared yet, so we were talking about various things while waiting. Meanwhile Freya's mom appeared, I talked to her a bit and we ate dinner since it was already time for it. It wasn’t that much sweet as apples, but it was delicious as well. Not long after that he finally appeared.

„Oh, Mr Ouranos! Finally! We thought you forgot about her.” said woman.

„I’m sorry, it took longer than I did anticipate.”

„At least you came. Our guest already ate with us. We took a good care of her.”

„Thank you for your hospitality. I hope she didn’t cause any problems.”

Why would I even?

„Oh, come on! What kind of problems she could cause?”

He didn’t respond to that.

„She’s a very nice and well-mannered girl. She even offered help with cleaning.”

I actually did, because they were very kind to me. I could do at least that much even if I just brought the plates.

„That is good to hear. We will take a leave then.”

I stood up.

„Thank you for everything.” I said.

„You’re very welcome.” Freya said.

„Gaia, darling, you’re always welcomed here.”

„Thank you. Have a good night!”

„And you too!” said both.

We left their home and I’m already a bit sad about it.

„Seems like you are in good terms with Freya, aren’t you?”

„I am.”

„And with Lorraine as well.”

„Lorraine?”

„Freya's mother.”

„Ahh! She’s very nice.”

We didn’t say a word after that. Ouranos decided to say something when we were near his home. It was getting dark, especially in forest.

„How was it?”

„Uh?”

„Time at their home.”

„Nice...”

„Only nice?”

I’ve wanted to say what was in my mind, but I wasn’t sure if I should. I decided to do that anyway.

„I kind of want to come back there. I don’t know why...”

„You simply enjoyed your time with other people.”

... I did. Quite a lot.

„Oh, Ouranos, I need to ask you something.”

„If it requires from me long explanation, then wait with it till next day.”

„Uh? Why?”

„I’m tired. I will prepare space for you and I will go to sleep.”

„Oh, okay.”

He immediately began preparations. I wasn’t sure what to do.

„Do you need help with anything?”

„I’m fine.”

If he says so.

I just sat on chair and waited for him to finish.

“Done. If you need something, I will be next door.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

Hmm... So what now? Go to sleep? I’m a bit tired myself. I’ll change to the cloth, it won’t be comfortable to sleep in what I have on.

… I hope he won’t appear out of sudden.

Okay, now to bed. It’s warm... How can I go to sleep anyway? It’s warm and comfy... Eyes are closing by itself... I don’t even know when I fall asleep.