Some Days All You Want Is a Bathroom

I was in the middle of a crowd of starched-up butlers and maids, with a crazy-looking old lady surrounded by magic and runes.

And I… really needed to pee.

Terrible timing, I know. I'd gotten distracted by the size of the place and by the dragon — I hadn't even wondered whether there was a bathroom inside that shell.

But, taking a bit of the blame off my kid version, let's just say that whole welcome event wasn't helping much. It seemed like the big arrival party was actually a cult initiation. It was scary, an unsettling one. But I can't deny it's memorable. 

Under the sound of feet stomping against the ground, my brain worked at a thousand miles an hour. I had to be quick… quicker than my bladder, at least.

That magic… I'd heard of something like this.

Blood pacts need blood from both sides… I wonder if she'd lend me that pin.

I thought about it… and then got too embarrassed to ask her.

AHHH THERE ARE GIRLS WATCHING! SCREW IT!

Awkwardly, I put my finger in my mouth, right canine, piercing it. From the look on her face, she wasn't happy that the blood pact would also involve drool.

Her blood ran down her finger. Strange, it was somewhat more purplish, almost reaching a shade of blue.

The two fingers touched, the blood mixing.

I felt a shock. Little by little, a strange mark came from her arm, from under her sleeves. They were like tattoos, but glowing, looking like something between ribbons and chains. They advanced down her arm, until they reached her hand, then passing… into my hand?

I got scared, trying to pull away, but she pressed our fingers harder. Her voice, pulling into a sudden low tone, along with an echo that came out of nowhere.

"In the name of the Lionbearers and the Laygards, I proclaim here and now the creation of a seal of promise. A seal forged in blood. Now, Lance Laygard, proclaim your words." she said, giving me my cue.

Me? Ah… I have to talk? Okay, calm down… let's see.

"I, Lance Laygard… son of my mother and my father… proclaim? Yes, I proclaim that I will…" she pressed our fingers way too hard.

"Obey…" whispered one of the shadow guards, who hadn't made a sound since back in the village.

"Yes, obey the Lady, whatever her request may be."

A poor choice of words. But I don't blame the kid so much, but rather the scary old bat and her demonic eyes. 

My eyes stuck on a burning that consumed the skin of my right arm. Those marks settled into my wrist. They were like something made with a hot iron. After an intense glow, it disappeared, leaving no trace behind besides that horrible feeling. The feeling that my arm wasn't mine anymore. A tingling that spread outward. The presence of something that had never been missing.

"The seal is done. Now—" she stopped mid-sentence upon seeing my face.

"N-NOW WHAT?" I answered, my eyes watering. But this time, I was gonna endure it.

THAT'S IT! DON'T CRY!

"Well…Are you..."

"Y-yeah… I'm fine," I answered, my chin heavy, holding back the tears.

WE DID IT! LET'S GOOOOOOO!

"Well... From now on, you shall be called Zero. Until you are considered worthy of a higher number." She gave two claps. "Quickly, Numbers 01 and 04. Show the boy to the quarters. We will begin training him right after."

Two boys came from each side, holding my arms, practically carrying me away. After a few steps one of them said:

"It's all good, the girls aren't looking anymore."

"Thewy awen't?" I said, the held-back tears apparently going into my mouth.

"Yeah… Don't worry. Everyone gets a little drained when they make the pact."

Those were true heroes.

"Yo, Four, remember Number 5? He even pissed himself."

PISS…

I'D BEEN SO DRAINED THAT I'D FORGOTTEN THE URGE. THAT DAMNED, POWERFUL URGE TO PEE! WHY DID THEY HAVE TO BRING IT UP?

"Hey… I needed to…"

"What you need is to shut up," Number 4 answered.

HUH?

And then 04 continued: "Don't go getting used to this. We only helped you because you're new. This whole helping-out thing? Doesn't exist. Quite the opposite."

"Here it's every man for himself. We're actually nice. The real bad ones aren't the ones who ignore you like us — it's the ones who pay attention. You'll see, Zero."

"I'm Lance—"

"You're Zero," they both said in unison.

"Just accept it," said Number 04, dumping me onto the ground in a dark corner of the place they called a dormitory.

THEY WERE SUCH BASTARDS!

"Hey, all of you hiding over there. No use hiding under the beds. We know what you're gonna do," said Number 4.

"Just don't get us involved."

They started walking off, some shapes rising from their hiding spots.

BAAMMM!

A foot hit the wall I was leaning on, missing me by inches.

"Hey, hey, hey. Look at what we've got here. A fresh Zero," said one of the kids.

"He's too young. Gonna feel bad beating him up. But only later, of course."

The one crossing behind them seemed to be the leader of the two goons. He only opened his mouth once he noticed I was about to speak.

"Keep your mouth shut, Zero. I'll make this simple. You're gonna quit. Your spot belonged to my brother. He was supposed to get it. And still the Lady traveled for hours to find you, you little shit. Who can't even manage to stay—"

Okay, I'm gonna be skipping this scene. I really need to go to the bathroom.

BEHOLD: SUCKER PUNCH!

The punch landed on his face like a horse kick.

They were older. They really were.

Bigger, way bigger. That's true.

And they also had the numbers. Yeah, both in name and in quantity.

But, for whatever reason, nobody held me back. That's the goons' job, holding the hero still for the speech. They were amateurs. They saw me thrown on the floor and thought I'd stay there?

I didn't even believe the force that came out. His nose was gushing blood like an open faucet. One of them even tried to hit me, but I was small, going right under his legs. The oldest trick in the short guy's playbook.

I ran through the door until I slammed into a wall… a wall I knew pretty well.

The Lady was there, the two snitches, Number 1 and 4, right behind her.

"I command. Kneel, whoever started this mess."

Suddenly, the three villains back there knelt, heads touching the floor. Even Numbers 1 and 4 knelt. Indeed, they had brought me there, so technically they had set up the mess.

All of their wrists were glowing. Her magic. The spell she'd branded into our souls was a spell of command.

I felt a pressure making my knees want to drop. Until an inner voice, my inner voice, told me the obvious.

You didn't start any mess. After all, they came to fight. You only fought back.

She looked at everyone kneeling there… except me.

"Hm? Was it not you who punched Number Five's face? I command. If you punched, then kneel," she said.

Again, the pressure on my knees. Stronger now. And just as I started to go down, the voice came back.

You punched his nose… not his face. One is the whole, the other is a part.

I stayed standing.

"It was him! He's the one who—" the bleeding boy mumbled.

"SILENCE! I am the one who holds the voice. Number Zero, I command. If you harmed any part of that boy's body, then kneel."

Harmed? Hahaha! That was just a tap! I could do way worse! Harm was the wounds my dad came back with. Or how my butt looked after mom spanked me for acting up.

I didn't even move, just staring into her strangely worried eyes.

Just from the anger on her face, I could tell things had gotten serious:

"If you are Number Zero… KNEEL!"

That's definitely a test, I told myself. Yeah, I'll let this one slide!

Suddenly an energy pulled me down, dropping me to one knee in a clumsy movement. The magic acted on my legs and hands, that seal burning again.

She calmed down. Every servant there was kneeling. In her total control. She was certain. Absolutely certain.

The boys behind me were trembling, sweaty and pale. Because they saw it, when I turned my face back toward them.

That smile. That damned ugly, horrible smile, full of delusions of power. But it wasn't on her face. It had contaminated mine.

That's it. The clue I needed. I was immune to the spell. Which meant I had to have something magical. Something, even if small.

A spark of hope lit up, radiant, inside my soul.

"So you did nothing at all. Curious… but possible," the Lady said, analyzing the situation. "I see. For conspiring against Number Zero. All of you shall suffer punishment! Months of it!"

Give a man power and you'll know his true moral character. A saying that makes sense.

Good thing I wasn't a man, just a boy.

HAHAHA! I'm gonna become a Hero-mage in no time!

Ha...haha...

Right after I…

"Hey… where's the bathroom?"

...

"Never mind. I managed to kneel, but getting up without pissing myself all over? Not gonna happen," I said quietly, to myself.

"Urgh… Not on my floor. I command you to go… to the bathroom at the end of the hall. No… messes on the floor, Number Zero," the Lady said, leaving the spot.

Magically, I felt my bladder relax completely. I had a few more seconds before disaster.

"YES, BOSS!" I said, taking off running.

There it began — my first day as a servant. And despite everything… I've never been so happy to obey an order!