EPISODE 2: Nerves of Steel — CHAPTER 2: She Has Silver Hair and a Sharp Tongue — PART 1

“I asked if you’re retarded,” said the girl as a yankii approached from behind. She turned, kicked his knee out from under him, and knocked him out with a snap kick to the head before returning her attention to Bastion. “Because if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re trying to get arrested literally the day after you find out the DA is hounding your ass.”

Bastion blinked. “How do you—”

“How do you think?” She rolled her eyes, ducked an incoming punch, and elbowed another kid so hard he doubled over and started vomiting.

“Wait, you’re with the Deadmen? Is that why you’ve been following me?”

“Why else would I be following you?” An uppercut to the jaw sent another guy sprawling.

“How should I know? When you didn’t immediately follow me here, I thought you were going to rat me out to the principal.”

“No,” she said. “I was covering your ass. I told your teacher that your parents checked you out after your injuries flared up, then I went to the nurse’s office to forge the record in her log book—before I ran here to prevent your stupid ass from landing in a jail cell—or worse, becoming a monster’s lunch.”

That was… impressive.

“Wait, the teacher believed you?”

「For “Shitty Schools!”」

“Why wouldn’t she?” The girl shoved a palm beneath the assailant’s chin and swept his leg, slamming him to the stones with a crunch.

“You don’t seem like you’d be a very good liar.” She certainly wasn’t a very good tail.

She kicked another poor soul in the groin, and when he dropped to his knees, she elbowed him in the face.

“Is that so?”

With a brief lull in the parade of idiots trying their damndest to get themselves killed, she wiped the hair out of her face and walked over to Bastion. She pressed up against him, made big babydoll eyes, and batted her lashes.

「Don’t you know, Bastion-kun? I’ve been watching you all this time. I just never had the courage to talk to you. But when I heard how bravely you fought that monster, I thought maybe I could be brave too.」

Bastion raised an eyebrow, then lashed a hand past her head and caught a rock someone had chucked at the back of her skull.

“Am I supposed to be flustered?”

She pursed her lips. “Damn, you really do have nerves of steel. Mind if I borrow that?”

“Be my guest.” Bastion tossed her the stone.

“Thanks.” She beamed it at one of the yankii and clipped him in the knee. He collapsed with a scream.

By this point, most of the remaining ganglings had fled, leaving maybe six or seven behind.

Sneasel the Shit-weasel was clapping. “Very good. Very, very good. I knew you were a monster, Bastion. I hadn’t realized you were involved with a monster as well.”

“Could you not give people the wrong impression?” he politely asked the girl.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she breathed effortlessly.

“Sure you don’t,” Bastion stepped past her and addressed Sneasel-chan. “I admit, I’m impressed. Normally, shit-stains like you run the moment their underlings get their faces kicked in.”

“You’ve dealt with the slag of my gang,” said the Shit-weasel, “but you don’t become the leader of such a large organization without a few pieces of cream rising to the top.”

“Is he talking about smelting or churning butter?” Bastion asked the girl.

“Uncertain. He seems to think he’s much smarter than he is.”

“His Tethic is quite good, though.”

“Agreed.”

“You know it’s rude to talk about someone when he’s standing right in front of you,” said Sneasel-chan, deadpan. “In any case, you still haven’t dealt with my elite Lieutenants. Trust me when I say they pack a punch.”

“Let me guess,” said the girl, “they’re wearing bootleg crystal holsters you found in some Mage’s trash can.”

“N-no,” Shit-weasel stuttered.

“See that?” She jabbed a thumb at the yankii leader. “That’s a terrible liar. Me? I’m a pro.”

「Naruhodo,」 Bastion pursed his lips. “Okay, yeah, you have a point there.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever hated a pair of people as quickly as I hate you two right now,” said Sneasel. 「Screw it. My Lieutenants, attack!」

「Wait!」 Bastion commanded once more, holding out his hand.

「Now what?」 the Shit-weasel screeched.

“After we finish this, you might not be able to say anything, so I wanted to ask you something first.”

“What?” The gangling leader’s voice dripped with venom.

“Your underlings keep screaming, 「For,」 something or another. What are they saying, exactly?”

“If you must know, it’s our gang’s name. They’re boldly declaring their loyalty to the City Skulls!”

“Oooooh,” said Bastion. He turned to the girl. “Is that what you were hearing?”

She shook her head no.

Shit-weasel frowned. “Why, what did you think they were saying?”

“Shitty schools,” Bastion and the silver-haired girl said together.

“Sh… shitty… shitty schools? Really? That’s what my underlings have been screaming all this time?”

Bastion shared a glance with the girl, and they both shrugged. “Yeah.”

Shit-weasel pulled at his face for a moment, then threw up his hands. 「I give up. Lieutenants, kill them both.」

The remaining six yankii charged.

“You okay fighting ‘mages?’” the girl asked.

“Even if you’re being sarcastic, it’s generous to call them that,” Bastion answered. “I’ve beaten down my share of wannabe mages. It’s like handing nunchaku to a novice—they’re more likely to crack their own skulls open than hurt me.”

“That is an astoundingly astute analogy.”

“By the way, I’ve been meaning to ask.”

“Oh?” said the girl, raising an eyebrow.

They both settled into fighting stances, their backs to one another.

“What is your name?” Bastion asked.

The girl jerked her head around so fast Bastion was certain she gave herself whiplash.

“Wait, you don’t know who I am?”

“Should I?”

She began to laugh as their enemies closed in.

***

“For. The. Last. Damn. Time.”

Bastion punchuated each word as he spoke.

“Stop. Being. A. Wannabe. Gangster.”

“I think he gets the point,” said Alice, placing a hand on Bastion’s shoulder.

He pursed his lips. Sneasel the Shit-weasel’s face looked like he was allergic to peanuts and had just been force-fed a PB&J sandwich. Just with more blood. And more crying.

「Okay. Okay. I’ll stopf beingf a yankfii. So please stopf hittingf me,」 he begged.

Bastion dropped him to the ground and wiped off his knuckles with a handkerchief. “Glad we understand one another.”

Not far off, he could hear police sirens. Bastion sighed. He was definitely going to jail after this.

“You should start running,” Alice said, patting him on the back.

He gave her a questioning look.

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep the cops busy. Just meet me at the train stop in an hour, okay?”

“Sure,” he said hesitantly.

“What are you waiting for? Go.”

With that, Bastion took off at a full sprint away from the scene of the crime.