The Ex

Bonnie filled her teapot with water and set it to boil. She didn't drink tea very often, but the thought of a nice cup of chamomile sounded like the perfect nightcap. She hadn't felt rested in weeks. Every night she tossed and turned, and what little sleep she got, never felt like it helped ease the deep fatigue she felt in her bones. Not like it used to, anyway. She once again chalked it up to stress. The new environment she wasn't quite used to. That brief adjustment period after you move into a new house,  you wake up in your new bedroom and for a split second, you don't remember where you are. It must be that.

She opened the cupboard next to the fridge and reached up on her tiptoes to grab a coffee mug. She hadn't even fully unpacked them yet, having only removed one from the box, which she had already used for her morning coffee. The rest of the box had been carelessly shoved onto the top shelf to be dealt with at a later date. She sighed heavily, setting the box on the floor and sitting next to it.

Her hands rummaged through the box of mugs, each individually wrapped in paper for protection during the move. She grabbed a mug and began unwrapping the paper slowly. The vibrant sapphire blue that emerged from the wrapping caused her to pause, staring at the mug in her hands like she'd seen a ghost. 

She'd forgotten that some of the mugs in this box belonged to Alex. This sapphire blue one, in particular, had been Alex's favourite mug. She had used it every morning for the last 14 years. Bonnie had been trying to reach Alex for three months, in an attempt to return several of her belongings that were left behind in the separation, but Alex hadn't returned any of Bonnie's emails. Regrettably, the last few emails were starting to sound desperate, begging Alex to meet with her so they could talk. 

The sound of the kettle whistling startled her out of the maladaptive daydream. She turned to the kettle, Alex's favourite mug in hand, and began pouring. She reached over to grab her phone, snapping a picture of the steaming mug of tea on her countertop. 

"Thinking of you, please call me" She wrote hastily in an email draft with the picture of Alex's mug attached. Before she could stop herself, she hit send. Immediately, regret overcame her. Why, she wondered yet again, did she keep sending the love of her life these sad, pathetic, desperate emails? Did she really think she'd be able to win Alex back after everything that had happened? Bonnie knew Alex would never forgive her. She knew she'd never reach out for the things Bonnie held onto, including the mug.

Bonnie took her cup of tea over to the screened-in porch and curled her legs under her in a lounge chair. She allowed herself to drift back to the daydream of when she and Alex were still together. The small studio apartment they had lived in back in the very beginning. The time they had spent together painting the walls and building IKEA furniture. 

"The good old days." Bonnie said to herself,  as she reached under her lounge chair for the pack of cigarettes and lighter she had hidden underneath. As she lit a cigarette, she recalled the day she met Alex. They had been walking together and passed a smoker on the street. 

"Gross, I'll never date a smoker." Alex announced as they passed the cloud of smoke wafting through the street. 

"Yeah, gross." Bonnie muttered, reaching into her purse and tossing her pack of cigarettes into the trash can as they passed. She never smoked another cigarette after that day, until about three months ago. 

Bonnie took a long drag off her cigarette, and a mouthful of her tea. She absentmindedly flicked the ashes onto the floor of the porch as she pondered the last four months. The worst months of her life. As she closed her eyes, she allowed her mind to continue drifting through the worst moments. She remembered the look on Alex's face when she found out about the affair. And worse, the look of disgust she gave Bonnie when she figured out the affair was with a man. Alex had never liked men, in any capacity. Bonnie, however, had enjoyed relationships with both men and women through most of her adult life. Bonnie continued to torture herself with thoughts of demons past until she was startled awake. As she opened her eyes, she realized what had woken her was a wave of water that washed over her thighs. She was standing in lake, ice cold water up to her knees.