Spell 7: Self doubt

It burns.

It is madness.

It is incredibly selfish.

And it is shameless.

And yet… I can't stop.

It is a sin that his gaze follows her every step. It is a sin that he hears every and all of her breaths. It is a sin, for he deserves not to be near her. For he was the one who first rejected her.

His empress had told him, “Fate is a cruel mistress.” Noah had always believed in that statement. Noah hated fate. Since the moment he was born, he was dictated on how to live his life. To be the clan’s head as soon as he reaches the legal age. To not be boisterous, for it was unbecoming of the clan's head. To watch his sister made to step down from what was rightfully hers. To be born with a mark of a familiar on his torso. An emerald shade star with crimson wines twirled around it.

One day Noah woke up with a burning ache below his navel. He tried to deny it with all his might but he couldn't for much long. He had thrashed, he had cried and he had cursed the possibility of what it was. It was obvious, the moon goddess had chosen him to be a witch's companion. Noah promised himself that day, until the day the obsidians in the mountains have its luster, he will not let anyone know the existence of this mark. The mark of Larchal.

Rebellion took root in the tiger. He gave the title of clan’s head back to his sister who was once a regent in his place. He freed himself of everything that had once caged him. He could get rid of everything but the larchal. The damned larchal mark would burn in his skin each year on a certain day. Noah did not need to think to know that it was the day his witch had been born.

He hated her. He hated her with passion. Her mere existence was a reminder that he was still caged. If he could, he would shred her flesh from her mere bones, he would eat her flesh and not even leave bones behind, he would make sure to take her breath away for putting a collar on his neck. And yet.. when he accidentally came across her for the first time, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Scent of a moonlight dream, her eyes were dull and yet, the hope in them was bright like a sun’s blaze. Noah knew it then and he knows it now, it was not the moon goddess's red thread of fate that made him want to be closer to her. Astrea had seen the reluctance in his eyes and did not think for a moment before freeing him. It almost infuriated him, how could she let go of something she had been waiting years for?

Noah had heard of her coming to the mystic forest every year on the same day. Despite no results, she yearned for her bonded mystic. She was diligent and never gave up. Then how could she just let Noah go when he was finally here? The witch was just like him, she was someone who valued freedom. If not willingly, she didn't want the bonded mystic to come with her.

Noah had left that day. He had kept on thinking since then, would Astrea still want his presence if it was not for the moon goddess's blessing? Somehow, the mere thought of her not wanting him without the influence of the moon goddess's blessing made his heart burn with ache. For Noah desired to be near Astrea even without the influence of the goddess's blessing. He had sworn to himself that day. He'll make it happen.

“Stop looking at me.”

“Why, my lady?”

“It is rude.”

“Hm? But I enjoy watching the colour of your hair change under the sun.”

“It's hair dye. It's not my natural hair.”

Astrea let out a dramatic sigh. Noah had been following her around every single second of the day after their conversation. Astrea almost regretted confiding in with the mystic. Astrea has not had a moment alone thanks to that one conversation. Whether it was while studying the documents about the dungeon or if she was simply studying new spells from the new grimoire the prince had sent to her- Noah would make sure to pop in and try to make small talks.

According to what prince Raynold had informed the group about, the dungeon would officially open and be free to enter in two hours. Apparently the dungeon doesn't open on the day of moonless nights. Due to the recent eclipses, the group couldn't enter the dungeon. However, Emerson had called it an opportunity to mentally prepare themselves and prepare what was needed.

Astrea's heart palpitated with anxiety as she stood in front of the dungeon. She had arrived an hour before the designated time to mentally prepare herself. She really wished that Lain would arrive soon. Being near a friend helped her feel less afraid. At the very least, she wouldn't be afraid alone. She took deep breaths and tried to calm herself.

“My lady?”

“What!?” Astrea finally snapped, turning to face Noah with a glare. Noah blinked twice before averting his face to hide his emerging laugh.

“Are you seriously laughing at me right now?” Astrea questioned, astonished at the man's audacity.

“Not at all.” Noah composed himself and cleared his throat. “Ahem. Are you afraid, my lady?”

Astrea's glare deepened. “No.” She declared and walked away. In a span of minutes, she backtracked and came back to Noah with madness in her eyes.

“Are you not afraid? This is insane! I've never been inside a dungeon. Sure, I have wanted to go there since I was a kid but o’ my moon goddess! I dragged Lain here with me too, what if he gets hurt? What if I slow down the group?! I'm quite literally losing it, haha! I don't even know what my role is in this mission, I'm not needed haha! I shouldn't be allowed to make any decisions about my life! First I fail to make a familiar and now I'm quite literally dragging my best friend in danger-!” Astrea laughed through her crash out.

Noah cut her melt down with a simple gesture. He brought his hands up and cupped her face, making her look directly into his fiery golden eyes. There was no mischief in his eyes. Just simple and bright clarity. His eyes were like a burning sun that had burned away through all of her self doubt.

“You will be fine.” He assured Astrea. Simple words that formed a crack in her self doubt. “You are not going to be alone this time. We will be with you. Why do you think we don't need you? You have the most important role. You are a witch, my lady. The goddess's favored person. There is no other person with knowledge and skills like yours. You are special. Besides, I will be right by your side. As long as I'm with you, you won't get hurt. Sir Levi is also there, he will be in charge of Lain’s protection. Also trust in the abilities of your friend. He knows what he is doing and why he is here. We will be fine, believe in us.”

Noah smiled when Astrea's shoulders finally relaxed. Her unfocussed eyes regained their spark. Noah's tail hovered right over her waist as an affectionate gesture.

“Bloody hell, you are good with your words.” She commented, surprised by how much Noah's simple words had calmed her down.

Noah was taken aback. “My lady, you curse?”

Astrea gently pulled his hands away from her face and took a step back. The neighing of the horses sounded from the path behind them, signalling the arrival of the remaining group members.

“I curse like a sailor. Try me.”

It was not long before Astrea would finally find out her actual role in this mission.