I've Been Holding Back

New chapter is live.

Settle in, take your time, and let's see what waits in the dark 🖤

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"Evan... wait for me at the start..."

Carl clenched his teeth. Pain and weakness rolled through him in waves.

Carl probably did not even realize it, but Evan had become someone he truly relied on. Somewhere in the boy's mind, if he could just reach Evan, there was still a way out.

The image of Evan dropping into a fight like something out of a nightmare and smashing walkers apart had burned itself deep into Carl's memory.

Maybe that was why a boy his age had lasted this long.

By any ordinary measure, he should have collapsed already.

At this point, what kept him moving was belief.

One point two miles.

Nine hundred yards.

Six hundred.

Three hundred.

Through blurred vision, Carl finally saw Evan waiting near the starting point.

The Stone Sledgehammer rested beside Evan's boot. His arms were folded, his expression cold, but something like quiet awe hid beneath it.

"You're not a little kid anymore, Carl," Evan said softly. "You did it."

The hairs on Evan's arms rose.

He had once rolled his eyes at brutal coming-of-age stories. Watching Carl change again and again in a single day, he finally understood.

The moment Carl had taken the first step, he had already begun crossing the line.

Even without Evan here, Carl would have found a way to live.

Evan believed that now.

Minute by minute, the sun slid toward the horizon.

At the edge between light and dark, Carl reached him.

The boy was barely standing. He dragged his body forward on nothing but will.

Behind him, dozens of walkers staggered closer, their groans rising from every direction.

Carl lifted his head. One eye was nearly shut from sweat, but he still looked straight at Evan.

For a moment, Evan saw the man Carl might become.

Carl opened his mouth and forced out a hoarse whisper.

"Evan... I did it."

He said it with more conviction than anything he had said all day.

Then the strength went out of his face.

Carl pitched forward.

He did not hit the hard road.

Evan caught him.

"You did good, Carl," Evan said, one arm under the boy's knees and the other bracing his back. "You did damn good."

He carried Carl to the rear bench of the fire truck and laid him gently across the soft seat.

The door slammed shut.

Then Evan turned.

The last red light of sunset burned behind him. Darkness gathered ahead.

He lifted the Stone Sledgehammer onto his shoulder and grinned at the small horde closing in.

"You have no idea how long I've been waiting to hit something."

The first walker reached for him.

Evan stepped forward.

The hammer came down.

Later, Carl's eyes moved beneath his lids.

Carl's pale eyes slowly opened, carrying traces of both his parents.

Milky morning light slipped through the curtains. Carl reached out and caught a strip of sunlight in his palm.

Warmth touched his skin.

Memory returned in pieces.

A moment later, he pushed himself upright despite the ache tearing through his body.

"I did it?"

Surprise turned into joy.

"I'm alive. Evan saved me?"

"Stop yelling the second you wake up," Evan said from the doorway. "You planning to draw every walker in town and handle them yourself?"

He stepped inside carrying a bowl of hot tomato soup.

Before handing it over, Evan pried one of Carl's eyelids open with his fingers and checked him carefully.

Satisfied, he passed the bowl to Carl.

"Fresh ingredients are gone, so I used some canned stuff and made soup. Drink it while it's hot. You need the energy."

The faint acidic smell of tomato hit Carl's nose.

He swallowed hard.

He took one spoonful, then another, then ate so fast he nearly burned himself.

Between mouthfuls, he asked, "How long was I asleep?"

"Since I brought you here? One day and two nights."

"What?"

Carl's young face went pale with shock.

"We have to go back. Mom's going to be so worried."

He almost set the soup aside, already trying to hurry Evan along.

The mention of Lori brought tears close to the surface. All the fear and grievance he had held back seemed ready to burst out at once.

Watching him, Evan knew he had been right not to take Carl back that night.

If Carl had seen Lori immediately, some of the change might have collapsed before it settled.

The trial had been the shock.

Now Evan needed time to help the result take root.

"No rush." Evan raised a hand and stopped him. "I never planned to take you back right away."

"You slept for a day and two nights, but we still have half a week for training."

"Forgot already? Rick told you to do what I say."

"I didn't forget," Carl muttered, small and disappointed.

For a second, he sounded like a tired child again, not the boy who had looked up at Evan at sunset.

'One nap, and seventy percent of that fire is already gone.'

Evan sighed.

Still, he would never forget the way Carl had looked at him that evening.

For one instant, it had almost felt as though the future Carl had stepped back through time and stared out through the boy's eyes.

Too similar.

Then again, how could someone look like anyone but himself?

Evan smiled and shook his head. He rested a hand on Carl's hair.

"Finish the soup. Training starts again after that."

"When we go back this time, Rick and Lori are going to look at you differently."

Evan sounded as confident as he had when he made Rick the promise.

Carl's change, even now, might already be enough to shock both his parents.

"Okay."

This time Carl nodded hard. There was confidence in his voice too, as if completing that round trip through town had planted something solid inside him.

Evan stood and walked into the living room.

They were staying in the same house where he had once spent a night. It still had gas and enough intact utilities to be useful.

He flipped idly through a few comic books he had taken from the family's shelves.

"Superheroes?"

The page showed a star-spangled hero raising a shield.

Evan tossed the comic aside.

"End of the world came, and I don't see any heroes saving it."

In the end, people were better off not leaning on fantasies that would never arrive.

Click.

A soft sound came from the doorway.

Evan looked up, and his eyes brightened.

Carl stood there in the wooden armor, chest lifted, posture straight.

It was the same armor he had worn two days ago.

But the boy inside it looked different.

After killing a walker with his own hands and crossing that threshold, Carl seemed almost reborn.

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