Chapter 29 — Golden Memories, Crimson Fractures

It made almost no sound.

A tiny click against red glass.

That was all.

No thunder.

No explosion.

Just a fragment of gold-white light lying beside the woman I had killed.

I stared at it.

Then ignored it.

"Again."

Healing light filled my hands.

Seris didn't move.

I pressed both palms over the wound beneath her ribs and forced more magic into her body.

"Again."

Nothing.

Her chest stayed still.

"Again."

Cassian said my name from somewhere behind me.

I didn't answer.

"Zyrion."

"Be quiet."

My healing spell failed.

So I cast another.

And another.

And another.

Magic burned through my arms until every vein glowed silver beneath my skin.

The wound didn't close.

Of course it didn't.

Epitaph had done more than damage flesh.

It had severed the bridge between Seris's soul and her body.

There was nothing left for healing magic to hold together.

I knew that.

I understood it.

I kept trying anyway.

"Come on."

My voice cracked.

"Seris, come on."

I pressed harder.

Blood had already stopped flowing.

Instead, I whispered another spell.

Nothing.

"You're being stubborn."

Cassian made a broken sound.

I looked over my shoulder.

He was still on the floor.

Blood soaked through the cut in his thigh. One arm hung strangely against his side, and bruises covered most of his face.

I felt nothing when I looked at him.

Not yet.

"Do something."

Cassian stared at me.

"What?"

"Help me."

His face collapsed.

"Zyrion..."

"You're a strategist. Figure it out."

He couldn't answer.

That made me angry.

"You always have a plan."

"I can't—"

"Then make one!"

My voice shook the broken observatory.

Seris remained still in my arms.

Cassian lowered his head.

"I'm sorry."

I turned back to her.

"Useless."

I don't know whether I meant him or myself.

I brushed Seris's hair away from her face.

Dust clung to her eyelashes.

There was blood near her temple from the Crown blast.

I wiped it away with my sleeve.

"There."

My hands wouldn't stop shaking.

"Better."

She looked like she might complain.

Any second.

Tell me I was hovering.

Tell me healing someone's corpse didn't count as sleeping.

Tell me my bedside manner was terrible.

I waited.

Nothing.

"Seris."

Her name sounded strange in the silence.

I said it again.

"Seris."

And again.

"Seris."

Cassian watched.

He told me later I'd whispered her name hundreds of times.

I don't remember counting.

Maybe names were anchors.

"Seris."

The second piece of my halo fell.

Click.

This time I looked up.

A crack ran through the Soul Crown above my head.

Then another appeared beside it.

Light leaked from inside the fractures.

Not white.

Red.

I barely cared.

Then the first memory came.

Seris standing on the archive ladder.

I'd rather be arrested standing than introduced while kneeling.

Her grin.

My own laughter joining his.

The memory didn't simply appear.

It tore through me.

I gasped.

Another crack.

Seris beside the river, holding a burned pastry over the fire.

That's flavour.

A third.

Her head against my wing.

No Council choosing who we become.

A fourth.

Her fingers sliding between mine outside the sanctuary.

You keep mourning things before they've happened.

"Stop."

The memories didn't.

Crack.

Seris laughing because I'd killed a cactus.

Crack.

Crack.

Seris shouting at me in the ruined shrine.

You keep calling it protection when what you mean is control.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

"Stop."

Cassian looked up.

"Zyrion?"

"Make it stop."

He stared at my halo.

Fear crossed his face.

"Your Crown."

"I don't care."

Another fracture.

This one split the Soul Crown from one side to the other.

Pain drove through my skull.

I screamed.

My wings slammed against the floor.

Feathers scattered across the chamber.

White.

Grey.

Black.

Then something hot moved underneath them.

I froze.

At first, I thought the observatory was still burning.

It wasn't.

The heat was inside me.

Inside my wings.

A white feather near my shoulder glowed at the base.

Golden light ran through its spine.

For one heartbeat, it looked beautiful.

Then the light turned red.

The feather blackened from the inside out.

Another followed.

Then another.

Smoke curled from between them.

Cassian dragged himself backward.

"Zyrion."

I ignored him.

Seris was cold.

Not completely.

Not yet.

I pulled her closer.

"No."

If I held her tightly enough, maybe warmth could move from me into her.

I opened my wings around us.

The same way I had in storms.

The same way I'd shielded her from falling stone.

The same way I'd pretended wasn't an excuse to keep her close beside campfires.

Heat spread through them.

Too much.

I smelled burning feathers.

Cassian tried standing.

His injured leg failed.

He hit the floor again.

"Your wings are burning."

"I know."

"Put her down."

My head snapped toward him.

He immediately regretted speaking.

"Don't tell me to put her down."

"The fire—"

"Don't."

Crimson cracks raced through the feathers.

I folded my wings more carefully around Seris, keeping every burning edge away from her.

Even then.

Even while something inside me was coming apart, my body remembered how to protect her.

That almost made me laugh.

Too late.

Always too late.

I looked down at my hands.

Her blood had dried across my palms.

Bad Guy.

Monster.

Calamity.

Now?

I didn't know what to call myself.

Another memory struck.

Sunfall Plaza.

Seris grabbing my face after I destroyed the suppression array.

I'm okay.

Then Bellmere.

Her hand on my shoulder beside the dead children.

Then Solenne.

Then Darius.

Then the observatory.

Each memory arrived faster.

Every argument.

Every smile.

Every time she'd reached for me.

I remembered almost saying something outside the sanctuary.

I remembered almost asking her to stay.

Almost.

Almost.

My life seemed full of that word now.

"Seris."

No answer.

"I would've gone."

Cassian looked toward me.

I wasn't speaking to him.

"The cottage."

My throat tightened.

"I would've gone with you."

I didn't know she'd asked.

"I would've built the shelves."

A laugh tried to come out.

It died halfway.

"Badly."

My forehead touched hers.

"I would've let you complain."

The Soul Crown cracked again.

A larger piece fell.

Then another.

They didn't vanish.

They hovered around me now, fragments hanging crooked in the air as though the halo itself didn't understand how to die.

Cassian stared.

Aetherian Soul Crowns weren't supposed to do that.

When their bearers died, they disappeared.

When conviction changed, their light changed with it.

But mine?

Mine was breaking and refusing to leave.

Just like me.

Cassian dragged himself closer.

Not to Seris.

To me.

"Zyrion."

I didn't respond.

"You need to stop using magic."

I laughed softly.

"Why?"

"Your soul's collapsing."

"Good."

He went still.

I looked down at Seris.

"What use is it now?"

"Don't say that."

"Why?"

"Because she'd hate it."

That finally made me look at him.

Cassian's eyes were red.

Tears cut lines through the dirt on his face.

"Don't talk about her."

"I loved her too."

Something violent moved inside me.

My wings flared.

Flame burst through the feathers.

Cassian shielded his face.

The fire wasn't normal.

It didn't burn the stone.

It ate the old magical symbols carved across it.

Golden wards went dark wherever the crimson flame touched.

Magic burning magic.

I didn't understand what I was seeing.

Neither did Cassian.

My luminous wings had always carried celestial light.

Now that light was turning inward.

Consuming itself.

"Get away from me."

Cassian lowered his arm.

"I can't."

"Why?"

He looked at Seris.

Then me.

"Because I've already left you alone enough."

I hated him for saying that.

I hated that some part of me wanted him to stay.

I turned away.

"Seris."

Another whisper.

Another memory.

Her standing before Epitaph's chamber.

A blade that severs everything cannot distinguish justice from grief.

Her asking whether I remembered my promise.

Her telling me not to let this decide who I was.

I had promised.

So many promises.

No Crown.

No cage.

No Ninth Sigil in anger.

Stay alive.

Run if things went wrong.

Build a cottage.

Come back.

Every promise had become something broken.

The halo above me gave one final ringing sound.

Not loud.

Beautiful, almost.

Like the note of a glass touched gently at its edge.

Cassian looked up.

I did too.

The largest fracture opened.

For one impossible second, my Soul Crown shone brighter than it ever had before.

White light filled the observatory.

I saw Seris laughing.

Sleeping against me.

Arguing.

Holding my hand beside the fire.

Alive.

Then the light collapsed inward.

The halo shattered.

Fragments froze above my head.

My wings erupted.

Not outward.

Inside.

Celestial fire raced through every feather, turning white to black beneath crimson veins.

I screamed Seris's name.

And somewhere inside the flames, the man she had asked me to remain finally began to burn.