Chapter 11: The Other Side of Me

Monday morning, Yuuji still had Usagi's note folded up in his bag. He hadn't figured out what to do with it.

He still didn't know what "it" was. He'd almost asked Hina again on Friday and chickened out both times.

He was still turning it over when he spotted her waiting at the gate. Arms crossed. No ribbon. No smile.

Just Airi.

"You're late," she said.

He checked his watch. "I'm early."

She ignored that completely. "Follow me."

"...Are you going to stab me or something."

"Not today."

They ended up behind the school building, empty and quiet this early. She turned to face him.

"So," she said. "You've properly met her now."

He nodded.

"The other me."

"Usagi. That's what she goes by, right?"

Something flickered across her face, there and gone. "She's not me. Not really."

He didn't say anything to that.

"But you like her," she said. "Don't you."

"What? No. I mean-" He stopped. Started over. "It's not that simple."

"That's not a no."

"It's not a yes either."

"She's soft. Sweet. Makes tea, asks about your day, all that. Pretty easy to like."

"You were there too, you know. You kicked me out of your own house."

"That's different."

"How is that different."

"It just is." She crossed her arms tighter, like that settled it. "Fine. Don't answer. I already know anyway."

"You clearly don't, since you keep asking."

She looked at him, serious now. "I want to know what she's like. When I'm not watching."

"You ARE her."

"No." Quieter. "I'm me. She's me, but different."

She stepped closer. "Tell me what she does."

"Why."

"Because I want to see what you see."

Before first period she dragged him into the empty hallway, notebook already out, a bunny sticker peeling off one corner of the cover.

"Name three things you liked about her."

"Is this a quiz?"

"Research."

He sighed. "She's gentle."

She wrote it down.

"She's warm."

More writing.

"She smiles like she means it."

That made her stop writing. She stared at the page a second too long.

"...I smile too."

"Yeah. But yours usually looks like the opening move of a blackmail plot."

"Maybe it is."

"Exactly my point."

She closed the notebook with a snap. "Fine. We're running a test today."

"A test."

"A comparison."

"Comparing what."

"You're going to follow me around. I'll do things. You tell me if any of it feels like her."

"So... a weird date."

She froze. "Don't call it that."

It was, undeniably, a weird date.

She made him carry her bag between periods without asking. At the vending machine she bought two drinks and shoved the orange one into his hands.

"She'd probably pick something fruity," she muttered, not quite looking at him.

Under the tree at break, she tried out expressions on him one after another, watching closely each time.

"Too smug."

"Too cheerful."

"...Too blank, I think?"

"You're just making faces at this point and asking me to grade it."

She glared. "You're a terrible test subject."

"You're the one running unauthorized experiments on a live human."

At lunch she pushed her tray next to his without asking. "Observation continues."

Daiki caught his eye from across the cafeteria and gave him a look that clearly meant good luck, man. Yuuji shrugged back helplessly.

She held up a rice ball. "She probably offered you food, right?"

"...Yeah."

"Did you take it?"

"Yeah."

"Did she say something embarrassing like 'say aah'?"

He hesitated. "...Maybe."

Airi groaned, dragging a hand down her face. "She's SO embarrassing."

Then she held the rice ball out anyway.

"Say aah."

He stared at her. "You just said it was embarrassing."

"It is. I still want to know what it's like."

He gave in and opened his mouth. She fed it to him, and for one second, just before he actually took the bite, something like nerves crossed her face.

"...Well?" she asked, once he'd swallowed.

"Pretty good."

"Obviously it is."

After school they walked together, no test running underneath it this time, no notebook out. The sky had gone that particular orange it did right before dropping into blue, streetlights not on yet but close, and the sound of cicadas was starting to thin out into whatever came after summer. Neither of them said anything for a while. It wasn't uncomfortable. If anything, it was the first quiet all day that didn't feel like it was being measured.

She stopped at the corner. "I think she used to like walking this way. Back then."

"Back when?"

She didn't answer right away. Instead she dug into her pocket and pulled out something small, a little moon-shaped charm catching what was left of the light.

"Show this to her. Next time she's around."

He took it carefully. "You sure?"

"She meant to give it to you a long time ago."

"How do you know that."

"...Because I remember wanting to."

She looked down at her hands, then back up. "Don't let her take all the credit for it, okay?"

He turned the charm over once in his palm, and then, because the note had been sitting in his bag all day doing nothing, he decided to actually use it.

"Can I ask you something?"

She tensed slightly. "...What."

"She left me a note. Before all this. Said there was something she wanted me to tell you, but she didn't think you'd hear it from her." He held the charm up between them. "I think this might be part of it. But I don't think it's all of it."

Airi went very still.

"She said you probably think people only like the version of you that smiles easy," he said, watching her carefully. "That's not it, though. Not for me, at least."

"...You don't even know me. The real me. Not really."

"I know you moved my desk across the room on day one and called it strategic relocation," he said. "I know you left a threat note about a stuffed rabbit and still handed me your umbrella that same week."

"Okay, that's already a lot, you can stop there-"

"I'm not done."

"I didn't ask for a list."

"You started this whole thing today by handing me a notebook, so." He kept going before she could cut in again. "I know you spent an entire day running weird tests on me because you wanted to understand something you were too scared to just ask directly."

She opened her mouth, then closed it again.

"That's you," he said. "I don't need the soft version to like any of that."

She didn't say anything for a long moment. When she finally looked at him, whatever was on her face wasn't sharp at all.

"...That was a stupid thing to say," she muttered, but her voice had lost its usual edge completely.

"Probably. I'm bad at this."

"You're terrible at this."

"Yeah."

She looked down at the charm still sitting in his palm, then reached out and closed his fingers around it herself.

"Keep it," she said. "Both parts of that, I mean."

Then she turned and walked off fast, like she needed the head start before he could say anything else.

Yuuji's Mental Diary – Monday

Mission: Spy operation turned accidental confession?
Emotional Confusion: Maximum setting, structurally unstable
Rice Balls Consumed: 1
Charm Status: Acquired. Possibly glowing. Definitely significant.
Things Left Unsaid: Fewer than yesterday, somehow. Still too many.

Bonus Scene: Dear Me

The bedroom was quiet, moonlight catching the edge of the open diary. Airi sat at her desk and picked up the pen.

Dear Me,

He followed me around all day. Didn't complain once, even when I called it an experiment.

Then he said something. About liking the actual me, not just the easy version. I don't even know how to write down what that felt like.

I gave him the charm. You always meant to. I did it first this time, and I don't regret it.

I don't really understand any of this. But maybe you do.

That's enough for tonight.

She set the pen down, closed her eyes, and slept.

Hours later, a softer hand reached for the diary and read it through. Then wrote below.

Dear Me,

He actually said it. I didn't even have to explain what I wanted him to know. He got there on his own.

You let him see something you don't usually show anyone. I'm glad you did.

Thank you for giving him the charm. And for saying the rest of it, too. That part was supposed to be mine to say eventually, but I think it meant more coming from you first.

Let's just keep going, one day at a time.

- Usagi