The Eternal Phoenix & The Ritual

The last few days had been difficult for me. I wasn't used to even slowing down, much less stopping entirely. I was bored out of my mind, but even after three days I still couldn't take a single step. I'd noticed that the entire right side of my body was generally a lot less responsive than the left, almost like it wasn't mine anymore.

Miss Anare did her best to keep me comfortable, but she still had work to do of course. Any time she wasn't off saving hundreds of people a day, she was right next to my bed, helping me to brush up on my sigil work. Today was different, though. She was quiet, distant..

"I didn't think it was possible for you to look exhausted.." I said softly, giving her a reassuring smile when her attention turned to me.

She returned it, "I'm still human, Mari. But, you're right.. I haven't slept at all, recently. I've been thinking about what happened."

The whole event was still a thick haze to me. All I could remember was my cheeks being wet with tears, and Miss Anare looking panicked. "I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you more about what was going on, but as far as I could tell I just fainted.."

She sighed softly and gave a slight nod, before standing from her chair and sitting at the end of my bed. "I have a few ideas on what it might have been, but nothing concrete.. I'd have to run some tests, and those are too much for you to handle right now."

"I'd still like to try. This sitting around is just.. driving me crazy." I stated. "If there's any way I can speed up my recovery, I want to do it."

She stared at me for a moment, then lowered her gaze. "I figured you'd say that, so.. everything's already prepared."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The training hall looked quite a bit different since last week. The sand that usually lined the ground had been entirely replaced with a smooth stone, and the roof had a circular hole bored straight through the middle of it. As Miss Anare walked, she spoke.

"For particularly powerful spells, sigils alone aren't enough. You know this. This a ritual of my own design." She gently placed me down in the centre of a massive spell circle. "I've seen something like what has been happening to you, only once before. At the time I didn't know enough to confirm it, but I had always suspected that their soul was split. In what way, I was never given a chance to discover."

She walked to one end of the spell circle, and when she stopped the entire hall lit up with a soft orange glow as she poured her mana into the circle. "By fueling the circle with my own mana we should have enough power to trace the threads of your soul, and find out if I'm correct or not. I don't know what this might feel like, Mari. It could be nothing, or it could be excrutiating. Do you understand this?"

I nodded and spoke clearly, "I do. I'm prepared to face the consequences of my choice, Miss Anare."

The spell circle flared, rays of mana shooting up from its lines like the hanging curtains of the aurora. As the flaring spun around me, I felt the hair on the back of my neck stand on end, and a prickling feeling began to overtake the right side of my body. When I blinked, my vision began to swim, before settling again in a way I could hardly believe.

Through my left eye, I saw the training hall, Miss Anare, and the spell circle. Through my right eye, I saw a sparsely decorated room, and a desk covered in papers depicting crude approximations of the basic sigils. When I tried to move my right arm to cover my eye, I found that it refused to respond. Even attempting to close my right eye was unsuccessful.

"M-Miss Anare I.. I see something in my right eye.." I stammered out. The two completely different views were starting to give me a headache, and I was beginning to hear a sound like rushing wind in my right ear. Miss Anare didn't respond. From what little I could see she was entirely focused on the spell.

I steeled myself, and focused on my breathing. Breathing in for four seconds, holding for three, breathing out for four seconds. I could feel my left hand going numb as panic slowly creeped up my fingers. In for four, out for four. The roaring in my right ear was getting louder and louder. In for four, out for four. My right hand moved on its own and held the side of my head, the warmth providing just the slightest amount of relief to my pounding headache. In for four, out for four.

As I felt that numbness traveling up my left arm, I was about to cry out to stop the ritual, but the view in my right eye suddenly snapped to the side. Everything went quiet. My eyes were raw with tears, and I knew she could see that.

"Marin.." She began, her voice small and distant sounding from the door to my room. "I.. I need you to move out." The words hit me like a truck. Move out? I was hardly eighteen and she already wanted me to move out? "I know you don't have a job, and you're going to have a hard time getting one, but I can't afford to keep even one of us fed.." She refused to meet my eyes, instead fixing her gaze on the blank and featureless walls of my room. Her face was painted with shame.

"You have until Sunday" were the last words she said to me before closing my door.

I was left in silence. The final compounding of my long line of failures; being made homeless by my own mother. I looked back at my desk, staring at the symbols I had drawn. I didn't know why I drew them, or what they were supposed to be. 'Useless' I guessed.. I crumpled the papers and tossed them into the small wastebin under my desk.

I grabbed my bag, stuffed it with my blanket and pillow, the little money I had left, and I made my way downstairs. She was nowhere to be seen. Probably hiding in her room like the coward she was, unable to stand up to her own decisions.

I left my keys on the shoe storage, then stepped outside. I didn't bother slamming the door behind me, simply closed it silently. What good would anger be anymore? I simply started walking.

I had no destination in mind, and no intention of turning back, but I knew what I was looking for. There was a chance I could find an apartment for what I had in my bag. I wouldn't be safe, though. A woman my age in an apartment that cheap was bound to attract attention. And what would I do for next month? The month after? I'd never even had a part-time job, despite my best efforts. Not that I'd ever had time to work, between school and studying.. My options were dwindling quickly.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

I walked for days. I used what little money I had to buy a few last snacks. My head felt like it was being crushed, but at least I wouldn't leave feeling hungry. I came to a stop on the only suitable bridge I'd been able to find, and I leaned on the railing as I ate.

Maybe she knew what I'd end up choosing. Maybe she thought it was better that I chose this than face a future of hardship. Maybe she was in her room right now, crying. Mourning the loss of her only child already. The thought made me sick to my stomach. Or, maybe that was the height. I couldn't tear my gaze from that fall, couldn't stop that feeling in my muscles that I was about to tumble over the railing. I put the empty wrappers of my snacks into my bag, and left it against the railing.

My chest tightened. I gripped the railing and swung one leg over, then the other. I stood on the other side, moments away from oblivion. Maybe she was right. I'd never been able to do anything that didn't disappoint her, or my teachers, or the other kids around me. Everyone always looked at me with disdain, like they somehow all knew that I didn't belong here, but they never shared that with me.

I looked down again. At the very least I picked what I was sure was a high enough fall. There would be no surviving this only to live a worse life than I was already going to. It would be scary on the way down, probably. Or, maybe the rush of wind would be too loud to hear any thoughts of regret. My backpack might at least leave a sign that someone had been here. Maybe they'd find me in a week.

I looked up at the sky. It was filled with the orange light of sunset, and what few clouds were there were a soft pink. I smiled, the first and only real smile I'd had since I was little. I found myself wishing that it had been raining instead, maybe then I could have convinced myself that the world would notice my absence and mourn me properly.

'Oh well.' I leaned forward slightly. I felt my fingers loosen, and the bar leave my grip. I closed my eyes as I felt the wind rushing passed me on all sides. I didn't scream. I didn't panic, or flail. There was no point.

My final peace was interrupted by a deafening boom in the air above me, and I felt my arm wrenched back. My eyes shot open and I looked up, the pain in my shoulder being immediately forgotten as I stared in disbelief. A gigantic symbol hovered in the sky, spinning and twisting. In the centre was the body of a gigantic serpent of fire, stretching off into seeming infinity. But its head was locked around my right arm, holding me in place.

I heard a sickening crack beneath me, but before I could look down to see what made the sound, I was pulled through the air by the serpent of flame.

*Author's Note: Wow this one got a little dark. Sorry about that, I also wasn't really prepared for that to come out of my brain. But uh.. see you in chapter 8!