Strike Up the Band, Hold the Kazoo

The Adventurers’ Guild had their makeshift jail surrounded.

While there was room for carousing and partying in the aftermath of capturing the Weaver sisters, Mina had ordered a strict drink cutoff. Because in case someone was dumb enough to try and break them free? They’d need every pair of hands they could get.

Enfield tuned his lute. He saw several other spellswords break out instruments – brass horns, woodwinds, some drums. With this many people helping him, Enfield could direct the rest of the Guild like a conductor did an orchestra.

His fingers ran over the strings of his lyre. With sparks of electricity dancing across his fingers, he plucked the first strings.

A volley of projection magic shot out from the rest of the guild, blasts of every aspect slamming into the jail. The sheer amount of magic and their conflicting aspects colliding into the same space turned violent instantly. The rainbow explosion was deafening, but not for long. The rest of Enfield’s players were drumming along, playing from the same unseen sheet of music.

When the excess magic and debris cleared, an arcane denial spell stood. A green dome shone, its power drawn from Hazel’s magic staff.

Enfield drew his fingers across his lyre’s strings, and the rest of the Guild began to charge.

----

Robert stood side to side with Balerifon, who had resumed wearing his bulky armor and helmet. His deepened voice taunted the adventurers with their imminent death.

That was why Robert chose to believe that the majority of them were coming at him. Because the alternative was, they thought Robert was an easier opponent. Which was fair but it wasn’t nice to think about.

What got under his skin most was the taunting. Calling him ‘farm boy’. Asking if he could count how many people were trying to kill him. Telling him that he was too stupid to learn magic. They weren’t even clever! The tax collectors muttered this stuff under their breath whenever they visited!

Between the insults and the booming of the Guild’s magical melodies, Robert was at his breaking point. He was holding his own against every spellsword who thought hurling a fireball at him would throw him off. But even Lavender’s training was only getting him so far.

The trumpets were kicking in as an orc brought down his axe and Robert had to roll to the side. And then Robert immediately had to hold up his axe’s length to block the sword of a stout man with a shaved head.

“Missing those farms, boy?”

That was the last straw. All he could see was red. All he could do was scream the words that were on his mind.

“SHUT! UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!”

Almost everyone – the Guild members attacking them, the ones playing the music – stopped in stunned silence. Because the one who had been attacking Robert was struck with an arcane projection spell, violet rings of sound striking his body and knocking him off his feet and into the distance.

Robert weakly stood back up in amazement. He’d done it. He’d done it faster than he could have dreamed it. And all he could do was laugh. “Who’s stupid now?” he shouted.

The Guild began to play once again –

And then the kazoo hit.

----

Lavender played the kazoo with everything she could.

She had to rely on Hazel and Dora to protect her from the Guild. But with her kazoo disrupting the full power of the Guild’s players, the spellswords were easier for Hazel to deal with. Between Hazel’s denial spells funneling them into a concentrated space to attack and Dora casting a fire deception to trick them into thinking they were surrounded by flaming copies of the party, the Guild could not bring together a concentrated mass against them.

And the ones who tried, Lavender stomped her foot into the ground. Earth desire spells shook the ground beneath their feet, jagged rocks suddenly knocking them off balance.

She had to split her attention. The bulk of it was continuing to mess with Enfield and his music. But as her jacket started to smolder and smoke and the heavy metal balls locking her hands in place began to glow red, she felt a wicked grin take over. Just a bit longer. Just a few more notes.

In the middle of an intense kazoo solo, it began. The jacket burst into flames and pieces of the burning fabric flew off of her with simple movements. With most of her arms freed, she charged past Hazel and Dora to slam her remaining restraints into the head of a gnome covered in plate mail – nearly burying him into the ground.

The metal restraints shattered over the gnome’s head in a shower of yellow and red metal shard. With her teeth biting hard on the kazoo, she taunted, “It’s my turn.”

----

Balerifon watched a burst of water shoot across the field of battle with Lavender at its front.

He knew from experience she was a capable fighter. But he was uncertain how well his training had prepared her.

From the looks of the plume of fire stretching into the sky, he had an answer. Lavender was absolutely destroying them with her bare hands. Balerifon didn’t have to push himself to bat away the efforts of these creatures so far beneath him. But the magic Lavender threw around so freely! Arcane missiles, steam jets, lighting-infused kicks, the continued kazoo play!

He could see her launch herself into the middle of the Guild players, grabbing one of the horns and stuffing Enfield inside. But he saw something far more disturbing than the horn making noises every time the gnome stumbled around.

Lavender’s eyes. The eyes of a dragon.

-----

Are you going to take the first step?

Lavender’s fists went in every direction as she saw the stairs leading to the top of the mountain.

Each side-step, each lunge took her closer to those stairs.

----

They were almost out of time. “Hazel!” Balerifon called. “I need you to order me to go to Drake’s Peak!”

Hazel’s staff landed into a man’s skull with a dull thwack. “What?!”

“Your sister’s about to blow!” He backhanded a dwarf out of the air. “Command me!”

With a heavy sigh, Hazel pointed her staff to Balerifon. “I order you to take us to Drake’s Peak!”

Remnants of the band, the playing kazoo, all gave way to a cold laughter from Balerifon. The announcement of a dragon’s arrival is a terrible thing to behold in person.

A fel wind ripped through the field of battle as he was lifted into the air. The wind grew more ravenous, more dangerous with each passing second as a twister touched down where the black knight had been moments before. A pair of eyes of dark yellow, deeper than the greatest topaz, stared out from within.

And then the great beast arrived with a triumphant roar. Larger than a house, covered from tip to tail with black scale, teeth sharper and more numerous than there were men left standing. His great wings knocked the remaining Guild members down, tilting down to let the humans and beastkin he travelled with to climb onto his back and grab onto the jagged spines protruding out on his spine.

With all four of them accounted for, Balerifon began to beat his wings once more. As he rose into the air, he decided to leave the Adventurers’ Guild a parting gift. A burst of flame shot out of his mouth and landed in the middle of the Bee’s Knees tavern, setting it ablaze.

Was Balerifon sure the building would burn to the ground? No. If the spellswords were smart, they could cast yearning spells to douse the flames.

But if they were smart, they would not have betrayed Lavender so easily.