Within Frame

The air conditioner pushed cool, dusty air around the room, humming just loud enough to notice.

In my hands rested Operandus Clematicus by Sascha Nolan. I didn’t actually know anything about the book, but holding it in my hands seemed to make me look busy.

I couldn’t help but choke down my nerves, or even process the words in front of me. After all…

…She was sitting across from me. Again.

Neither of us were willing to break this awkward silence that sat between us.

As for her, she seemed completely focused on the book she’d picked off the shelves. Any stray hairs that found their way between her eyes and the page were swiftly tucked behind her ears.

How long was this going to last?

I exhaled quietly, shaking my head at Hoshino-sensei like I’d done so many times before.

He never has his act together, I swear…

It was about ten minutes ago, just after he’d introduced Hayashi-san as a new member of the literature club, that he got a phone call.

The moment he’d answered, the voice had already started screaming indistinct verbal insults and phrases faster than anyone could comprehend.

Hoshino-sensei quickly left the room, flicking his hand up as a courtesy to us.

He wanted us to think it was some important call, but it was impossible to think after hearing the bare minimum.

Anyway, that’s why we’re sitting here, across from each other in complete silence.

…

Clack.

..

Clack.

It sounded like footsteps approaching from the hall. Maybe that was Hoshino-sensei, finally returning from his ‘extremely important’ phone call.

My eyes drifted to the open door, only to be met with absolutely nothing. Was I finally losing it?

“Who’re you looking for?”

The sudden question shocked me, almost out of my seat.

“Wow, you’re a jumpy one!” Hayashi laughed to herself with a wide smile.

I found myself in a familiar frame of mind.

The light in her vibrant eyes was reflecting with amazing clarity, which contrasted the foreground to form a completed contradiction. The smile; the focal point; pulled the other features into focus. Some of the stray strands of golden hair absorbed light, but others reflected it.

I felt myself instinctively tilting my head, and almost went to raise my camera.

Almost.

The books behind her, each a unique size, shape and color added depth, even if unnoticed.

But there was something wrong.

A single stray detail.

An overly vibrant green book resting in the centre of a far-off shelf. It sucked all the attention to itself.

That was enough to break the shot entirely. After losing my train of thought, I went back to ‘reading’ the book in my hands.

I was hoping to make it through the rest of this day without any more issues.

“So, what’re you reading?”

Well, there goes that.

“A book.”

I could see a confused look forming on her face, especially after she looked at the book I was holding.

“You can read upside down?”

…

I flipped the book over, playing it off smoothly.

Hayashi quietly chuckled as she covered her mouth with her hand.

“Don’t patronize me.” I muttered back.

She continued chuckling, and I couldn’t hide my embarrassment very well.

“What does the literature club do?” She leaned forward, expecting an answer.

I tried thinking back to club activities from last year, which… did not help. I never needed to think about that before. I just knew it wasn’t something you needed to show up to.

“...something to do with reading, probably.” It came off more skeptical than she was expecting, because she had the same puzzled look on her face as before.

“Reading what? Newspapers? Articles? Journals? Manga? Lightnovels?”

Too many questions. I rubbed my head, trying to think up some answer.

“Beats me. I’m basically new to this too.”

My eyes fell back to the book in my hands. The corners of the page fluttered in the constant blowing of the A/C, trying to flip to the next page before I was ready.

“But Hoshino-sensei said you’re the club president.”

SKREEK.

I shot out of my chair, the wooden legs screeching across the tiled floor.

“Me? The president?” I asked her, still in complete shock.

I was a member on paper only. How would someone like me lead this?

“Yeah.. Hoshino-sensei said ‘he may look completely soulless, or zone out at weird times… but he’s still the club president.” Hayashi explained, doing her best impression of Hoshino-sensei’s gravely-deep voice.

She then stared at me, probably expecting some reaction immediately. After processing this information, I slammed my palm to my forehead.

Probably wasn’t the reaction she was expecting. I let out a long and deep exhale as I stared at the open door where I last saw him.

“That man is the devil in disguise, I swear. He’ll be nice for a while, maybe even say something that sounds smart… then he does something like this.”

Frustrated, I pulled my chair closer and sat back down.

“He’s a bit of an oddball, at least from what I’ve seen for myself.” Hayashi added.

“Oddball is a term of endearment for him, so don’t go calling him that unless you want to end up club president.” I pointed a thumb at myself, mocking the choices I’d made to get me here.

She laughed again, this time louder. It was so infectious, I could feel the beginnings of a smile forming at the corner of my mouth.

So I quickly stopped them, and dropped back to a neutral face. Heavy silence followed close by, the type that expects to be broken by someone.

But it wouldn’t be broken by me.

“He doesn’t look like he’s coming back, so I’m gonna make a break for it.” I said, placing my book back on the shelf as I walked to the door.

“Oh, already?” She asked, closing her book. “Have a good aft–”

I closed the door before she could finish. I half-expected her to come walking out right after me, but that never happened.

As I walked through the school gates, a weird taste formed in my mouth. Something sour.

I must’ve had something bitter for lunch.

Yeah, that must be it.

*

The walk home was nothing special, but it was a bit darker than it usually was.

Grass bent along with the breeze, swaying for a moment, then stopping. Then again.

Early spring green, paired with the dulled navy sky muted any vibrance around, making everything visually muted. The clouds above drifted passively, their edges lined in a golden hue. They held their shapes for only a second, then shifted into something else entirely.

For some reason, that made me recall the conversation with Hayashi-san.

Why would she join the literature club?

I found myself questioning this choice. Sure, I knew nothing about this girl, and only interacted with her twice… but why?

I couldn’t shake the question, even though I already knew the answer. At least, my answer.

It’s that people are generally confusing to me.

They make choices I would never make. When they encounter a problem, they just find a way around it.

Click.

CLANK.

I reached down and grabbed the can of black coffee I bought from a vending machine. The cold chill of the can seeped into my hand.

What I can’t understand is why they’d let the problems grow in the first place.

Because in my mind… there’s no easier way to solve a problem than to not have one in the first place.

I cracked the tab on the can of coffee, and pressed it to my lips. I felt my tongue twitch as the coffee hit it.

The bitter taste was still there.

*

A few days had passed since then, but there were no club meetings during those days.

I sat alone in the library, reading some thick-covered book I grabbed from the non-fiction shelf. Come to think of it, I didn’t even read the name.

Slide.

I glanced over to the door. Hayashi-san finally arrived.

“Good afternoon, Kurosawa-kun.” She said, smiling.

My face remained expressionless. I’d hoped she wouldn't see me.

But when she started walking to my table, I knew my hopes were just that. Hopes.

And there she sat once again, across from me.

I guess the ‘I like sitting alone’ look is lost on some people.

“So how was your day, Kurosawa-kun?”

“Fine.”

Though the pages were turning in my hands, nothing was being read.

“Did you see?”

“No.” I replied instantly.

Rustle.

ZIIIP.

She dropped a large poster on the table between us, which she somehow stashed in her bag.

“We should enter in this!” her voice was excruciatingly enthusiastic.

The poster was for a club showcase, which detailed a bunch of activities that clubs can sign up for to attract new members.

Sounded like… A definite no.

I already don’t want to show up, but more people to deal with? One is enough as it is.

“We don’t need more people. There’s already four of us.”

“Four? I’m only counting two…”

“Hoshino-sensei said there were two third-years in the club. Didn’t he tell you?”

He really sucked at advising.

“Four people isn’t that much, how’re we supposed to do group activities?” She scratched her head as she asked.

“It’s a literature club. Reading doesn’t need anything but you and a set of pages.” I answered in monotone, almost like a robot.

She leaned in after hearing this, and furrowed her brow.

“You’ve gotta be more focused on the club, prez.”

Prez?

That was the end of my patience.

“Why do you care about participating?” I blurted out by complete accident.

She took a moment to think, and stared down at the poster between us.

“So I can find more people who need it.”

“If you were that concerned with helping, why didn’t you join the service club?”

It seemed like the right place to start, if you wanted to do something like that.

Hayashi-san stayed silent for a while after that. Her face gradually lost the ambition it had seconds before, and her eyes drifted to the floor.

“If it were that easy, I would’ve done it.” She mumbled.

I wasn’t sure if she meant for me to hear that, so I didn’t respond.

She stopped making sense anyway. How does being a part of the literature club help people?

A brief pause grew into long silence. That’s my cue.

I softly closed the book, and slid it back on the shelf I got it from.

“I’m leaving.” My bag was already around my shoulder, and one foot was out the door.

“Okay.”

She didn’t try to stop me this time.

Maybe I was expecting more pushback, or even an argument.

The room started to feel strange, but that wasn’t enough to stop me.

But I didn’t move either. I just stood there, in the doorway. A nagging feeling ate away at me, enticing me to turn back.

She was still at the table.

No book.

No phone.

Just the poster.

I could hear her hands repeatedly ironing every wrinkle on the poster.

The corners of my lips dropped to a frown, but not a disappointed or frustrated frown.

A confused one.

For once, she didn’t ask me another question.

I wasn't sure why that bothered me.

She made no sense, and yet… yet I couldn’t find a reason to look away.

It’s like the club was already real to her.

It was no more a club than a place to waste time.

…

Clack.

I slid the door shut behind me, leaving Hayashi-san and the poster in there.

The empty halls echoed with distant chatter, and the melancholic sun was serenaded by the band practicing.

None of it was enough to pull me back. It just made me remember something.

As I walked farther from the club room, it still felt as though I could feel the stagnant air inside.

I don’t understand.

People are, every single time, confusing. And that includes myself.