Chapter 14:

The One Lost in the Darkness

Those Summer Nights


I’m a liar.

I have been lying to myself, to my friends… to everyone around me.

My mind, my soul is rotted and at some point, I lost my way.


That day I would study with my friends after school and I asked Mei if we could talk alone that night. After years waiting, I finally had the courage to confess my feelings for her. But I was already broken and I had put something in my bag that should never be there.

During the night, I almost forgot that I had to speak with Mei. And when I rushed to leave the classroom, I saw her going to the place where we agreed to meet: The rooftop. Without losing any time, I went after her.

Under the night sky, I confessed my feelings, but Mei rejected them. No, it was worse, she was laughing. She was thinking that a trash like me saying that was funny. And before I could notice what I was doing, I got the knife I had in my bag and stabbed Mei. She didn’t even saw what hit her and life soon left her body.

Doing that broke me in a way I never expected. I tried to talk with the dead Mei like she was still alive, and when she didn’t answered, I was surprised she was dead. I even went to call for help.

That’s why the nightmares started. A part of me wasn’t accepting the monster inside me and the nightmares were trying to show who the true killer was.


In the following Monday, a friend of Mei, a girl called Sakura, came to speak with me. She wanted any information that could help with finding Mei’s killer. I couldn't help her, so we didn’t speak much, but she said something about Mei and her hiding an object together.

Sakura was dangerous. She knew something I didn’t. She was a very close friend of Mei. She needed to die.

During the night she came to my house so we could talk about Mei’s murder. Once she was inside, I didn’t even wait five minutes before smashing her head with a baseball bat. After she died, I threw her in the dumpster like the trash she was and then went back home.

After some minutes, my broken mind even forgot what I had just did and, worried with Sakura, I went to look for her, finding the body I had discarded.


It was impossible to go back to the old mundane days. After every moment, my mind went deep into madness.

A part of me still truly believed that someone else was the murderer and wanted to find something to prove that. And because of that, I went to school at night. But there was an obstacle: The nigh guard, Akira. We were practically friends, so it was very easy to get him distracted and kill him. After I left his body inside of a classroom, my other side was free to search for whatever I wanted to.

I was so broken, I started to see things. And I even exaggerated the story I told to my friends about Akira’s death.

Every day my descent into madness grew stronger. Every day I wanderer deep into the darkness.

At one point, my other self started to be suspicious of Hayato, my best friend. This was painful… So painful I killed him to free me from those thoughts. I even killed someone else who was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My hands, no my soul was stained with blood.

And my mind continued fragmenting, creating an imaginary friend in the form of Mei. Did this illusion assumed her form because I was felling guilty? I couldn't answer that. But Mei was being helpful in keeping my other self going on… Until I lost the reason to keep going.

I couldn't find what Mei hid and I lost my reason to keep going to school at night.

I was in despair. And in despair, I killed Hina.

This is my confession.

I’m a monster. I trash human being.


I have no right to keep living.



A sound broke the silence. A burning sensation in my left cheek. Mei slapped me with all her strength, a blow to my very soul.

“How much more will you lower yourself!?”, she yelled.

“What?”, surprised, I could only say that.

“For how long are you going to keep denigrating yourself!?”, her voice was full of rage.

“What are you talking about? I’m just saying what needs to be told!”

“I’m tired of hearing you say a bunch of stupid nonsense! No, stupid isn’t enough to describe this pathetic thing!”

“Who do you think you are!? You’re just an imaginary friend I created in despair!”

“I’m the one who will smash some reality in your deplorable face!”

“Oh? So why don’t you start to do that!?”

“Sure! I won’t just sit and let you destroy yourself with a bunch of lies, with a story that doesn’t make any sense!”

“Destroy myself? I’m just ending this madness, so everyone can be happy...”

“No one would be happy with this ending!”

“And what do you know to say that!?”

“Shut up!!!”, Mei’s yell seemed to shake the entire school. “Now be a good kid and sit for a moment while I destroy your stupid story!”

“Okay, I’m listening.”

“I need only one point to show how absurd what you just ‘confessed’ is.”, Mei said while showing one finger of her right hand to me. “I could say how wanting to confess your feelings to Mei at night makes no sense and how you would never take that initiative.”

“What?”

“But you could continue with your craziness and try to justify this, so let’s look at one big mistake your lies made: The very fact of you killing Mei.”

“I killed her!”

“I said to you to shut up!!!”, Mei’s voice was still dominated by rage, “I won’t accept any other word that destroys yourself! Let me finish!”

After confirming my silence, the fake Mei continued. “When the police checked the murder scene, they found the knife used to kill Mei. In your story, you confessed your feelings to Mei and after getting rejected, you lost your mind and stabbed her. There was no preparation for the crime besides putting the knife in your bag unconsciously. And leaving the knife behind would mean leaving your fingertips! But there was no fingertips on the knife! It was a premeditated murder! The killer took all precautions and went for the kill!”

“What are you saying…? I just omitted some of the truth! Like the liar I am!”

“Yes, you’re liar! Your story until now is full of lies! Footprints appearing out of thin air? Messages on blackboards? Don’t make me laugh!”

“So you agree with me being a liar!”

“Sure, I agree with that! But you lied because you were seeing things! Your mind broke after you saw Mei dead!”

“I killed Mei! I killed Sakura! I killed my best friend!”

Mei grabbed the collar of my shirt, furiously. “Why do you insist in throwing yourself in the darkness!?”

“Why do you insist on negating my confession, your fake!?”

Mei’s grip got weaker and she stayed some moments in silence before speaking again. “Yes… I’m a fake. I’m not the real Mei! Because...”

“Because?”

“Because I’m you!”, she yelled while tears were flowing from her eyes. “I’m not here as an embodiment of your guilty or something like that, I’m here to protect you!”

“Protect me? Protect me from who?”

“From yourself! You can’t let this continue… You can’t lose your mind, yourself! Please, get away from this darkness!”

“Like I said, by doing this, by sacrificing myself, I’m bringing an ending to this… I’m making everyone happy...”

“You’re not! Why you don’t understand!? Hayato… Hina… They don’t want you to suffer! Hina was here today trying to protect you! She was doing her best to try to keep you smiling! And you answer her feelings by sacrificing yourself!?”

“I...”

“The killer is waiting for you to find him! He is looking forward for you to end this! And you’re giving up!?”

“But… What else can I do?”

“Don’t let the despair consume you! There’s a small light of hope right in front you! Now, Souma, grab that light! Hold it with all your strength! Break those chains of despair that have bound you since Mei’s death!”

“Light? What light? There’s only darkness here!”

“Think! Stop with your delusions! Surpass the trauma of seeing those deaths! Hina’s murder is someone else confessing their guilty!”

“Hina’s murder… Is the final piece...”

“Yes! Forget about Mei for now! Think about someone who knew where you live, so Sakura’s body could be left near your house.”

“There’s only a few people who knows that...”

“Someone Hayato would suddenly agree to meet at night!”

“Someone who can do that...”

“Someone who could approach Hina right now and she wouldn’t even yell!”

“Oh… It’s so obvious… I… I’m such a loser for not seeing this earlier… For letting me be consumed by madness!”, I fell on my knees.

I don’t want to cry, what I’m feeling right now isn’t sadness, but I can’t put in words this emptiness inside my heart.

“Please, don’t hate yourself.”, Mei said.

“Seeing Mei dead was too much for me. And then, I saw Sakura dead too… I wanted to run, to escape from reality. Nightmares started to consume me every night and without a good sleep, I started to see things. And when I tried to think more logically, I suspected of Hayato...”

“But you can’t escape from reality. Letting you be consumed by illusions won’t change the tragedy in front of you.”

“I was weak. I didn’t knew I was so weak.”

“But now you can still fight! You know who you need to confront, right?”, Mei said offering her right hand to me.

“Yes, I know who the killer is.”, I grabbed her hand.

“Now Souma, it’s time for you to be yourself again… No, it’s time for you to grow stronger!”, Mei helped me stand up.

I was sad with everything that happened, but my tears for my dead friends could wait. Now I need to fight the one who started this, so I can move forward… So I can face those who died with my head held high. I’m not a pitiful kid anymore, I’m someone who can keep going forward!

“What is going to happen with you, Mei?”, I asked.

“You don’t need me anymore, so I’ll disappear.”, she said smiling.

“In the end, I won’t have any friends left.”

“I know you can make new friends. Because… I’m you.”

Mei, the illusion I had created, disappeared. I was once again alone in the dark school grounds.


But now, the human being called Souma is no longer broken.