The Eternal Phoenix & The Hungering Flame

The following days were a blur, to put it lightly. I could hardly remember anything Anare had said even a few minutes ago. She was doing the best she could, but I knew how much she was hurting because of me. This morning would be a reprieve for her. I awoke before the sun rose over the horizon, gathered a small pack of food, and set out.

I wasn't sure where I intended on going, but I'd have to figure out a way to get Mari back into her body somehow. I closed the door to the house quietly, and nearly jumped out of my skin when I turned and saw the stern, weathered face of Faye.

"Early morning, Miss Marin?" She asked, raising an eyebrow as I motioned for her to be quieter.

"Y-You could say that," I whispered in return, "Anare doesn't know so.. please don't tell her okay?"

Her expression softened a little, and she gestured toward the entrance of the estate. "Come, I will walk with you for a time."

It was a pleasantly quiet walk, thankfully. The last remnants of snow were slowly disappearing from the grounds surrounding the estate, where it of course had already thawed, and there was a bracing chill in the wind. Faye seemed entirely unbothered, despite wearing what looked to be relatively thin layers.

"I did something quite similar to this, when I was an apprentice here." She said, breaking the silence between us. I paused for a moment, before continuing.

"You were an apprentice of Anare's?" I asked, unable to hide my curiosity.

"I was. Her second, in fact."

I stopped again, turning to face her. She looked to be in her mid fifties, yet by what I understood through what Mari had told me, the first and second apprentices were over two centuries ago, in this world.

She smiled knowingly, turning to face the sun as it rose over the distant mountains. She closed her eyes and breathed in deep, and as I watched she almost seemed to grow younger in the light of the sun, the wrinkles in her face almost vanishing.

"What.. what made you run away?" I asked hesitantly. In return, her stern expression slowly reappeared.

"It was just after The Final War. It had been raging for nearly fifty years by the time it ended, with both sides dedicating everything they had to it. Mandatory drafts, seizure of resources.. It was under these circumstances that my parents sent me to Anare, who at the time was known by a different name." She waved a hand in the air, a small sigil forming before the wind began to whip around us, and in front of us the air formed into small white clouds, that she began to shape as she spoke.

"Her name was The Hungering Flame. The people of my village worshipped her as a goddess of war, and prayed to her for our side to finally achieve victory. When the occupying military began to round up children in my village for training, I was secreted away to the shrine we had built dedicated to her. My parents bid me to remain, as an offering to The Hungering Flame. So I did. I didn't know any better."

I placed my bag on the ground and sat down, staring up at the mural of clouds as they swirled from one image to the next. Faye's fingers swayed pointedly through the air, like she was conducting an orchestra.

"She found me that night, huddled against her shrine and quivering like a lost animal. She told me to follow her, and I did. I wasn't aware at the time that she was the goddess I had been told stories of. When I think about it, I still remember the pain in my feet from that hike across the mountains." She smiled again, like it was somehow a fond memory.

"I remember when my affinity was determined. How excited I was." She sighed softly, "It didn't take me long to realize that I was being raised as a weapon for The Hungering Flame. At the time of course I embraced that idea. To be an armament of my goddess was the greatest honour. My tune has since changed, of course." She said, with just the slightest hint of bitterness to her voice.

I looked out at the mountains in the distance, briefly wondering if she had passed through that very range to get here.

"She was a brutal teacher. Lessons were taught not with patience and understanding, but with scars. The one I trained with was no less ruthless, never pulled their punches against me. There were many a time I thought of running away, many nights that I cried myself to sleep on a mattress of straw. But I stayed.." She trailed off for a moment. I kept silent.

"Eventually, the war reached a boiling point. Because of the continuous stalemate, both sides were growing anxious and desperate, and that desperation fuelled ever more reckless decisions from the governments of both sides. We quickly learned what that decision lead to. A weapon of war had been created, one that would pull mana from the surrounding area, and anyone nearby, and unleash it to devastating effect. Such a device could not be allowed to exist, so Anare finally made her move." She stopped manipulating the little cloud she had created, and watched as the breeze pulled it away from us.

"I've not been allowed to forget what I saw that day. I watched as Anare stood in the centre of the two armies. I watched as they rushed forward, ready to clash and unleash their latest in a long line of devastations. I watched as each and every one of them was burned to ash, and as all of those ashes were disintegrated. The weapons they had built were melted in the heat of the fire Anare created that day.." She held her right arm with her left, squeezing it tightly.

"They named that place 'Wake of the Sun Goddess', and deemed it uninhabitable. The amount of mana Anare had poured into the area was nothing short of immense. Even now, hundreds of years on, it still pervades every inch of the grounds, where thousands had died." She then rolled up her right sleeve, revealing a horribly scarred arm, glowing with fire underneath the skin.

"To this day, her mana still burns inside my arm. The one and only test ever conducted on the affects of her actions." She replaced her sleeve, and looked down at me, before offering her hand.

I took it, grateful for the help in standing as the blood flowed back into my numbed legs. "Why did you tell me all this?" I asked quietly.

"Hmm.. why indeed.. I suppose to a certain degree, I felt like reminiscing. But, each of us carries the weight of our mistakes, the pain of our actions, whether we deserve to or not." She looked at her right hand. "I devoted myself to teaching, after that, just as Anare devoted herself to protecting. We had decided, on our own, to use our capabilities to ensure the future would never be so dark as it was then."

She looked at me, as I gazed down at the ground. "You've a choice of your own in front of you, Marin. Strike out alone, do everything you can to bring your other self back where she belongs, and perhaps in time, you might succeed."

She gave my shoulder a gentle and encouraging squeeze, "Or, you stay with the people who have made their mistakes, who will make many more, but who have learned from them." She squeezed a little harder, "More important than that.. you need to choose to forgive yourself. It was not your actions that created this, and your only mistake has been blaming yourself for it."

I looked up at her as my eyes clouded over, then quickly wiped my sleeve across them. I could only give a firm nod, as I grabbed my bag and readied to return to the estate. She smiled, and continued walking.

"Do come see me at the academy when you have the chance, you're going to need some lessons Anare never knew how to give." She called out.

"I.. I will! Thank you!" I shouted back as she glided down the hill.

I turned and walked back to the estate, every step feeling as though I was dragging a sack of bricks along with me. Running would be far, far easier.