The Stupid side characters except Miss Amane

I stood at a street junction with two roads leading towards the school. One had the gym, and the other had a dark story according to which a magician made young men disappear on that street. Locals believed it was a serial killer case, but online fandoms thought they might just be getting isekai'd. 

I always wanted to try my luck with isekai. I could even see a masked man down that street, holding something knife-shaped. Must be the isekai god. I took a step forward, but Dodo didn't move. I looked at him, and he shook his head. "I'll go without you, then."

Dodo let out one short woof, which meant okay. Then another, which meant you're not my problem. He turned and trotted down the gym road instead. The masked man on the other street seemed to have disappeared, so I followed Dodo. Maybe next time. 

Dodo broke into a run, and I chased after him. My foot slipped, and I went sliding down the street, then slammed straight into the glass door of the gym, the entrance to the Colosseum itself. Through the glass, I could see Toshi working out inside; luckily he hadn't noticed me, though everyone else in the gym was staring at the guy plastered against the glass door. 

I peeled myself off. "Let's go, Dodo."

"Woof," Dodo barked.

The gym door swung open. "Takashi! I knew that woof sounded familiar." Toshi pulled me into a hug.

"I didn't know you could tell dogs apart by their bark." I pulled away. His expression shifted, and I instantly regretted saying it. Toshi took a deep breath. I swallowed and stepped back, but he grabbed my arm.

"You see, dogs' woofs are actually slightly different, just like people. Each dog has their own characteristic way of pronouncing a woof. Dodo's got kind of a twinky sound to his, mine's more masculine, and..."

I stopped listening. Toshi's the type who can talk about literally anything, and none of it ever makes sense. I needed to get out before he, the first guardian of my quest, drained away the last of my daylight. The real problem was his habit of gripping your wrist while he talked, so his prisoner couldn't escape the gibberish. And worse, Toshi works out, so his grip strength is... I glanced at my hand. It was turning blue. His fingers were curled so tight around my wrist that my blood supply had basically given up. A grip like a vice forged by some ancient smith, apparently, and I'd walked straight into it.

I tried pulling free. "T-Toshi..."

"...and then he said push-ups need to be done naked, since that lets more air reach..." He wasn't even listening to me anymore. I stared at him blankly; his tangents were always like this. I looked around, then down at Dodo, who was standing between my legs. I nudged him with my foot. "Bark, boy."

Dodo looked away, then back at me. Playing it sassy, huh. "I'll get you treats."

He looked away again.

"Please."

Dodo looked at me with a distinctly smug expression. Yes, he's a dog, but I swear he's something more. I growled and turned to Toshi, who still hadn't stopped talking. "Fine. You can chew on my plushie."

"Woof!" Dodo's tail wagged.

Toshi let go of my arm and looked down at Dodo. "Huh, boy, does Takashi still sleep with that body pillow?"

Of course Toshi speaks fluent Dog. Maybe they switched bodies at some point. Note to self, stop bathing with Dodo.

"Woof."

Right. I turned fast, planted a foot, and launched myself away from both of them. "Toshi, watch Dodo for me!"

"Takashi?"

I ran, putting distance between us. Trial one, cleared, barely, and at the cost of my right hand. 

My legs wouldn't stop; maybe my whole body was traumatized from the nonstop talking. I didn't slow down until I physically couldn't go anymore. My mouth was bone-dry, so I ducked toward a shop for water, reaching for the nearest door.

"Takashi!" A familiar voice called out, and my whole body straightened from the sheer joy of hearing my name in that voice.

Miss Amane walked over. Her hair was down, and she wore the red collared shirt of her uniform. The combination made her unbearably cute. The siren had found me before I even realized I'd walked into her territory.

"I... I..." I waved at her, my hand refusing to stop no matter how hard I tried to still it. She grabbed my hand and pulled me aside, my back hitting the wall as she planted her palm beside my head. A kabedon. My brain shut off completely.

"Takashi," she said, leaning in. "You were blocking the entrance."

"S-sorry." I tried to hold eye contact, but she leaned closer still, and my heart started pounding at what was probably a medically concerning rate. I squeezed my eyes shut and thought about Himari. About her school. About anything except the current situation.

Miss Amane has always been like this. Careless with personal space.

"Did you read the newest volume of Pretty Boys?" She tugged me down to sit beside her. "I'm on break. Let's talk through the latest developments."

Talking with her while holding her hand and drinking the coffee she always ordered for me without asking- this was the life. We could go on for hours, though really it was mostly her talking and me nodding along, offering the occasional opinion on her theories. Still, worth every second. It made me feel like her boyfriend, since she never seemed to notice anyone else while I was around. I know that's delusional, but a man can dream.

Wait, I can't stay. I need to reach Himari's school.

With flushed cheeks, she was scrolling through her phone for fan theories; a strand of hair fell forward before she tucked it back.

Wait.

Himari.

"M-Miss Amane..." I held back tears.

"Yes?" She looked up, eyes bright.

I bit my lip. For one terrible second I considered betraying Himari entirely, abandoning the quest for one more hour in the siren's company. No. I clenched my fist. "I haven't read the new volume yet."

"Oh... I see." She tilted her head. "Want to read it together?"

An arrow struck my heart directly. Hold the line. "I... I need to get to my sister's school. I'm sorry."

A tear rolled down my cheek.

She blinked, stood, and walked off without a word. I'd betrayed her. I'm sorry, Miss Amane.

She came back holding the new volume of Pretty Boys, leaned down, and brushed the stray tear off my cheek with her thumb. "Don't cry, Takashi. I know you wanted to read it together, but duty calls."

I blinked.

"You can keep this one. Read it, tell me what you think." She turned to go, then spun back and pulled me down to kiss my cheek.

My brain detonated.

"See ya." She left me standing there, bewildered, a second relic now tucked against my chest, gifted rather than reclaimed. I don't remember what happened for a while after that, since my mind had wandered off to plan our wedding venue.

Years passed with Miss Amane by my side as the perfect wife one could hope for. She was caring and loving. I had become successful and an amazing father to my three- no, four children. My life was complete. I held my fifth child in my arms; clearly, I had achieved everything when one day the bell rang. 

I opened the door to see Himari standing outside our house. Her hair disheveled, clothes in shambles, she pointed at me. "Brother. You ruined my life."

I dropped the child. No, I destroyed her life. 

I blinked; I was standing on the streets, gasping heavily. Wait. Where was I? I looked around the street, then heard the school bell ringing from the next block over. Almost there. 

Trial two, cleared, though I wasn't sure "cleared" was the right word for a battle I hadn't even known I was fighting.

I turned towards the next street when a rope shot out and wrapped around me, yanking my legs out from under me. I fell to the ground. "Argh!"

Feet stopped beside my head. I looked up.

"Takashi~ I missed you~"

The final boss had arrived.

I tried to pull the rope off my legs. She bent down beside me and grabbed my face, pulling it close to hers. "Aww, Takashi~"

"Hey..." I pulled away, and her nail scratched across my cheek. I flinched at the sting. She bit her lower lip, cheeks flushing a full, dramatic red, the kind of blush that comes with its own diagonal screentone lines. She was in Yandere mode. "Should I lick it better for you?"

I slithered backward on the pavement. "No thank you."

She crawled after me on all fours, an entrance that honestly deserved its own dramatic sound effect, and cupped my face, closing in for a kiss. I tried to pull away, but her grip held firm. Damn it, I should've brought Dodo. He's great at redirecting the attention of hard grippers.

Our lips were a centimeter apart when she suddenly slapped me and shoved me backward. She whipped her head to the side, hair flipping in slow motion, cheeks blazing. "It's not like I was trying to kiss you or anything."

There it was. The tsundere had fully activated. She tucked her hands into her skirt pockets and rocked from foot to foot, shooting me quick, bashful glances she clearly thought were subtle. They were not. I'd caught her staring the entire time, but pointing that out felt like a death wish.

"Can you untie me?" I wriggled against the rope. Unfortunately, I was not a reincarnated slime, so no liquefying my way out of this one.

"Idiot. Do it yourself." She marched over and yanked me upright by a fistful of my hair. That was, objectively, the worst part of my morning. Note to self, consider shaving my head bald.

"Please?" I tried my best puppy-eyed, sparkle-background, be-kind-to-me expression. I knew I looked ridiculous. My only hope was that her love-goggles filter would make it work anyway.

She let go of my hair. "Baka... I wouldn't untie you... You're not cute... I don't even like you... You think I'd love an idiot like you... Dummy... Idiot... baka baka baka..." She kept up the muttered insult-stream the entire time while she was undoing the knots.

I stood up and looked around. Right, the school was on the next street over. Damn it, but which one? I glanced sideways at her, still crouched by the loosened rope. She lived around here; she had to know the neighborhood better than I did.

"Um... could you help me find the school around here..."

A knife dashed against my throat.

Her hair fell forward, casting a shadow over her eyes as she held the knife. The mood shifted instantly, like someone had flipped a switch. "Why do you want to go to the school around here?"

It wasn't a question anymore.

"Ahh..." I raised both hands.

"It's an all-girls' school." She yanked me down and dragged the flat of the blade along my cheek. "Trying to hit on other women when you've got me? Huh?"

Damn the yandere. Damn her specifically.

I fought to keep my composure; it wasn't easy with cold steel against my skin. My hands stayed up, surrender-style. "My sister..."

"Ew. Incest." She grabbed my hair and slammed me back onto the ground, then climbed on top of me, knife raised for what was clearly about to be a very final stab.

"No, no, no, no! My younger sister! She took one of my manga by mistake. I need it back. I promise I'm disgusting, but not that disgusting. Please don't kill me!"

"Oh." She blinked, smiled, and climbed off, offering a hand to pull me up like she hadn't just tried to end my life four seconds earlier. "Why didn't you just say so? I can take you there."

"Thank..."

She pressed a finger to my lips. "But you have to kiss me once we get there."

Kiss? Kiss her?

No. Absolutely not. I like Miss Amane.

"Or you die."

"Yes, ma'am. One kiss, coming right up."