Fever

"What happened after I passed out?"

Due to my fever, It's kinda hard to speak normally so my voice sounds weaker than usual. But I still finish saying it while still lying on the bed.

"Um... Antarea found us. Then she helped me bring you back to the inn. While she was helping you change your clothes, I asked for some boiled water downstairs. And then uh... after finished changing your clothes, Antarea asked me to watch over you before she left."

I am wearing a short sleeve white shirt and blue short pants, my usual attire for sleeping.

I look at the night sky from the window. Then I look at the prepared metallic kettle and two wooden glasses on the table not too far from my bed before looking again at Miika.

"... I see. Sorry for worrying you."

"That's not something for you to feel sorry for..."

Miika replies my statement by saying that. He looks really guilty despite not really doing anything wrong.

"Ah..."

He says that as if he notices something while looking at me. Then he goes to my bag on the wooden floor and take out a small towel from it.

Then he brings the towel closer to me.

"Thank you."

Knowing his intention to give me the towel, I say that and take the towel from his right hand.

"Ah..."

However, he looks surprised the moment I take the towel.

"? Oh, this towel is not for me?"

I say that while preventing myself to use the towel. I was sure that he meant to give the towel to me so that I can use it.

"Eh. I- it was for you of course. Feel free to use it!"

He looks flustered while saying that. But since he's okay with me using it, I'll take up his offer.

I wipe my sweaty face and neck with it.

"... !"

Suddenly my chest feels tightened. I end up letting the towel fall to the blanket.

This feeling... is something bad.

"Shion?"

Miika says that while looking at me with confused expression.

I hurrily open the blanket and carefully get up from the bed.

"Where are you going?"

"Toilet."

I reply to Miika as I try to stand up despite the lack of strength in my body.

The moment my feet touch the floor, the force of gravity almost makes me fall due to my lack of strength. I let my body sit on the bed again to prevent myself from falling to the floor.

Noticing Miika's worried look towards me, I immediately stand up again to show him that I'm fine.

Then I carefully walk towards the door.

"Shion, I'll help you walk."

Miika says that as he opens the door in front of me.

"... Thanks. But I'm fine."

I was a bit surprised when he suddenly open the door for me, but I at least thank him for opening that.

"But-..."

"Instead, may I ask you to take a bucket of water? I want to bring them to the toilet."

"... I understand. But since the toilet is in the first floor, I'll take it after you arrived downstairs."

"... ok."

I go out from the room and then walk downstairs. Miika is from me when I am walking downstairs so that he can catch me if I were to fall.

Never ever become dependent on a man... huh...

Probably not the best appropriate saying in this situation. But I can't help but to think about my previous mother's last words when I take a look at my weak and helpless condition.

There are three toilet rooms on the first floor and all of them are available.

Miika takes a bucket of water from the well and puts it inside the toilet.

"There you go."

He says that as he gets out from the toilet.

Then I immediately go inside the toilet after Miika gets out.

"Ugh...!"

As my chest feels the pain again, I cover my mouth with my right hand to prevent myself from vomiting. The painful feeling I got earlier is a nauseatic feeling.

I go towards toilet bowl to prepare myself for vomiting. However, no matter how much nauseatic I get, I just can't vomit no matter what. Which makes it even more painful to my chest.

On top of that, I feel dizzy thanks to the fever.

I stand near toilet bowl with my right hand leaning to the wall for few minutes.

This situation reminds me of my first time working on a company after graduating.

The responsibilities... the skills and results that I must gave to the company... as pathetic as it sounds, I ended up in this similar situation after my head can't keep up with my company's expectation.

Even if guild work requires more physical strength, the responsibilities required are not even a contest compared to my previous office work.

... And yet, here I am.

Giving up on vomitting, I decide to just wash my face with water from the bucket that Miika brought here.

*splash!*

After I splash my face once.

Inside the toilet is not that dark even without mana-powered light bulb, so I can see my face on the bucket water's reflection.

... what a messy face.

It's clear that I can't hide the discomfort on my face when I am having this nauseatic feeling.

"..."

I am silent while the water droplets on my face fall down to the bucket full of water.

... I close my eyes. I feel tired but the dizziness and nauseatic feelings prevent me from sleeping.

I remember the face of my previous mother and also the face of this world's mother for no particular reason.

Combining the years I lived in my previous life and the years I lived here. I am at least 36 years old mentally.

I open my eyes again and look at my reflection.

... you're already 36, Graize Els Shion.

You can't be a whiny brat forever.

*splash!*

I splash my face with water again after I think that.

.....

....

...

I open the door and see Miika standing and leaning on the wall opposite of the toilet's door.

"Are you okay?"

Miika says that as he stops leaning on the wall after noticing me.

"Yeah... may I ask you to return the bucket?"

Miika nods and take the bucket.

In the end, I finished all businesses inside the toilet except vomitting.

It can't be helped, I'll go back to my room for now.

The moment both Miika and I arrive at 2nd floor, we hear a mature female voice calling us from the first floor.

"Shion. Miika."

Both of us look at the first floor.

Then we see Antarea Kilpercgio, the dark elf blacksmith, is standing near the wooden stairs below.

Antarea comes to our room not too long after that.

Back in the room, I end up lying on the bed again but not covered in blanket since it's not that cold here.

Both Antarea and Miika are sitting on wooden chairs besides me.

"How are you feeling?"

Antarea says that while leaning forward a bit as if she wants to check on my face.

"I'm fine now. Just a bit tired."

I am actually feeling nauseatic and dizzy now. But I prefer to not make her worried.

"I see. Thank goodness. I was worried when I saw you suddenly fall unconscious this afternoon."

Antarea says that while leaning back to her chair.

"... Sorry for the trouble. But thank you for helping me."

I say that while trying to bow my head towards her. I wonder if my tone sounds a bit awkward...

"Don't mind it. All I did is just carrying you here and changing your clothes. I immediately went back because I still have my stores to attend to. More importantly..."

Antarea looks at Miika on her right side before continue talking.

"Have you guys eaten dinner yet?"

"Not yet."

Miika replies to Antarea before I can reply.

"Then I recommend corn soup for Shion. It's easier to eat than the cheapest meal set and I heard that it's compatible with human's tongue too."

"How much is it?"

I immediately ask while looking at Antarea. I know that there is such a meal but I never pay attention to its price.

"5 bronze coins per portion."

Antarea says that while looking back at me.

Almost two times the price of cheapest meal set huh...

Then I look at Miika before talking.

"Miika. Take two silver coins from my bag."

Miika nods and then goes to the bag.

Wait, he only has one hand so it would be difficult for him to take two portions here.

"Miika, you go eat there first before buying my portion."

Miika nods after he takes two silver coins from my bag.

Aftet Miika left the room, I look a bit at Antarea's face. I remember her confession at the party. She told Miika that she used to be Panthos' lover.

"? What's wrong?"

Antarea notices my gaze and asks me that question.

"The one who killed Panthos... is me."

It's something I personally does not want to tell her. But I feel like it's my obligation to do so. I might not be a righteous person, but I don't want to be an irresponsible adult.

I won't say it at public, that would be weird. At least I need to tell his family or other person that he is close to. And just take whatever hatred or anger I deserve from killing him.

Antarea pauses a bit. Her surprised face then turns into a serious face.

"I know."

"... huh?"

I am surprised by Antarea's reply. Then Antarea starts talking again.

"Rimikia told me. She also asked me to keep quiet and let the Guild Master handle the situation."

"... Are you okay with that?"

I say that because Antarea looks calm. I sense no anger coming from her.

"I would be lying if I say that I'm totally okay with it. But... mmm..."

Antarea softly scratches the back of her head while looking down at the floor for about seven seconds. It's as if she's thinking about how to answer my question.

"This kind of thing is hard. You know..."

She looks up to me again while saying that.

"If the other person involved if some kind of heartless criminal, then it would be easier for me to hate him. But if the person involved is you... whom I personally know... I have no choice but to feel conflicted."

Her face shows a forced smile.

A person whom she personally knows.

I suddenly remember Nelsia. I end up avoiding eye contact with Antarea as a result.

As if Antarea notices me avoiding her gaze, she starts talking again.

"Do you perhaps... want me to be angry at you? For killing Panthos."

"No."

I give an immediate reply so that Antarea does not misunderstand my intention.

"Then why would you tell me that?"

Antarea asks that question while looking at me.

I reply without avoiding her gaze anymore.

"It is a fact that I killed a person related to you. The moment I decided to kill him, I am already prepared to be blamed for it. That's why... I don't want to be an irresponsible individual who can't admit her own mistakes."

"... sigh, that side of yours is truly difficult to handle."

"?"

I am a bit confused by what her reply. But she immediately starts talking again.

"... Do you know that most people living here are misfits who have trouble living with their own race?"

"...?"

I certainly don't know about that, but I choose to stay silent to let Antarea continue with her talk.

"Panthos and I were also like that."

She says that while looking at the window besides my bed before continue talking.

"Panthos and I used to be kids from opposing noble families in our hometown. We like each other but our parents did not approve our relationship. We ended up running away from our hometown around 80 years ago."

Antarea crosses her leg with her right leg on top of her left leg. And then she folds her arms too before she continue talking again.

"Panthos back then... he was really kind and thoughtful."

.... I suppress myself from saying "HUH?" out loud and let her continue.

"And I was stupid enough to take it for granted..."

"..."

I can't really relate to what she is saying considering that I was never in a romantic relationship before.

"Power... money... fame... I really demand a lot from him despite not being able to give him anything in return. He managed to get all of them... but by the time he got all those..."

Antarea forces a smile and look at me once again.

"He's already no longer the same person that I like... I guess."

After few seconds of silence, Antarea talks again.

"That's why I felt responsible for what happened to Miika. Panthos developed his abusive attitude not too long after we broke up so it's most likely because of me. I also wanted to apologize to you... but I prefer to not reveal it to public."

She tries not to reveal that I'm the one who killed Panthos huh. However...

"What are you trying to say?"

I say that as I am not really sure what she is trying to say to me by talking about her past.

"... It doesn't sit right with me when you blame yourself alone even though I am partially the reason why Panthos is like that as well."

Antarea pauses for two seconds before saying that.

"... I'm not blaming myself."

"You are. You bring that matter again even after fulfilling your obligation in the raid battle."

Maybe because of the fever or Antarea's serious face, I don't have any energy to retort back.

Antarea then stops crossing her legs and starts talking again.

"I'm okay with you apologizing to me. I'll forgive you if that makes you feel better. But I don't want to see you beating yourself up because of it. It does not make anyone feel better. Not you. And certainly not me."

"..."

An awkward silence.

*knock knock!*

Suddenly, someone knocks the door.

"E- excuse me..."

Miika's voice can be heard from behind the door.

Antarea stands up and walk towards the door to open it.

Miika enters the room while bringing a wooden bowl filled with corn soup.

Antarea then looks at me and starts talking while Miika is putting the bowl on top of the table.

"Then I'll excuse myself for now. Get well soon, Shion. I created a new weapon and I want your feedback about it once you recover."

Antarea then closes the door without waiting for anyone's reply.

"That was fast. Have you eaten dinner yet?"

I said that towards Miika who is still standing.

"Yes. I don't think I eat that fast though."

After replying, Miika then scoop up part of the corn soup with spoon before talking.

"Then I'll help you eat the soup..."

I get up and sit on my bed.

"I can eat it myself. Just give me the spoon and the bowl."

I say that because I no longer feel dizzy and nauseatic. At least not as bad as earlier.

Miika then pauses while looking at me. He then starts talking with low tone.

"Am I... being a bother?"

"Huh?"

I say that out loud not expecting that reaction from him.

"I... I want to help somehow. Since Shion is sick..."

"... sigh. I understand. You want to fed me right? I don't mind either way so don't get sad just because of this..."

Miika's face cheers up after hearing my words.

"Thank you! Then..."

Miika wastes no time and start blowing softly on the spoon carrying the corn soup.

That 'Thank you' should be my line who is being taken care of though.

"Alright. Say Ahhh..."

He says that as he put the spoon forward to me.

As I am about to put my head forward to the spoon, but my hair from the left side of my head suddenly gets in the way.

I carefully put the hair to behind the back of my left ear and proceed to eat the corn soup.

... the corn soup is warm, tasty and easy to eat.