The Wounded

It was a quiet way back to the inn. Even if Aro had tried to speak, Ui would’ve ignored or forgotten their conversation while they walked back through the streets of Rurein.

Even if Rurein was far warmer than the north, whenever the sun started to hide behind the horizon, Ui could still feel the cold of its streets. And while the inn itself was warm, once she got to her room, its one window was enough to erase all traces of her own warmth. The cold air dissolved any heat the inn provided.

Ui gazed out the window. The clear blue sky gave way to a palette of reds and oranges, and with it, the city grew colder, too. She gripped her window, thinking if she should shut it or not, but stood still, looking at the crowds outside going about their daily lives. Their voices were lively and loud. She felt she should be grateful that the noise was there to welcome her, but at the time it felt crushing. She decided that room was far too small.

She climbed on the windowsill and then leapt out of her room and onto the rooftop of the inn, closer to the skies and further away from the crowds. There, she could get a better view of the city. Rurein itself was different from everything else in the continent. The traditional Udari and Uman elements were simply not there, instead creating something unique to itself. She roamed the square rooftop, admiring the city’s beauty. Yet the breathtaking views of the afternoon and the city weren’t enough to calm her down.

She started pacing quicker, trying to shake off her own feelings, but failing.

She looked towards the north. It was blanketed in the same cold and darkness that she experienced, and it was still reaching towards her. Did she really have to sing that song? Did it help? All she knew was that she dragged everyone into her feelings, and into each other’s memories. At the time there, she felt like she had to try something, yet at the same time, maybe they would’ve been better off if she hadn’t done anything in the first place. They had their own lives. Why would they need her intervention? She had to look away, unable to face the north.

Ui reached for the clothes she was wearing, the traditional Udari winter dress that a servant was so willing to part with. She gripped her carefully crafted clothes and looked at them for a few seconds and started breathing heavily. The colors, the weaving, the materials, the… weight. It wasn’t that servant's culture any longer, but could Ui say it was hers? Servants. Nobles. Ui nearly spit with disgust.

She looked towards the west. Auremaru stood there, in all its glory, towering over her and the city. Rurein was just a humble town sitting at the end of its slopes in comparison, and Ui felt even smaller.

While Rurein was new and improvised, the city of Aure was carved over generations, following its own traditions: songmages, elders, Doroberries… and Aure roses. Ui’s memories about the colors of the roses and the flavor of the Doroberries lifted her spirits, but the rest… Ui grew bitter, knowing that instead of defending the whole island, they defended its own caverns… and its magic rocks. The same rocks which the foreigners would willingly destroy the caverns of Aure to obtain, and the Udari children had to pay the price for all of it.

Ui kicked the floor once, filled with frustration, and kept stomping some more before the pain brought her back to normal. She didn’t want to look at that mountain.

She then looked towards the east.

She couldn’t see the capital in the distance, but that didn’t stop her from feeling its burden. She worried about her family, the risks they had taken for her, and what they would have to endure if her secrets were to be exposed. Would they be fine? Would other Udari like Odoe be held responsible, too?

Ui, exhausted, sat on the roof. She reached towards her hair. Her long, pink strands started growing darker as the night approached. Her clothes, too, lost their shine as the sky struggled to maintain its color.

Ui sighed and closed her eyes, desperately trying to ward off any negative thoughts she had about what was happening in the capital. If Cro chose to leave her there, why would she worry so much about him? Why did she think she could save them when the nature of her songs has only ever complicated things?

Why did she care so much… about Cro?

Ui looked downwards, towards the rooftop of the inn where she paced and stomped. The inn had no doubt been lovingly pieced together by a loving Udari father, and a Uman mother that was no longer with them…

How could she have done this to Prishu, her ever loyal friend and knight?

Ui clenched her fists close to her chest and breathed heavily. The two brothers that so kindly welcomed her, warmed her, fed her… She couldn’t stand the thought.

She felt nothing but transience in every direction as the winds blew unpredictably around her. Everything she did had changed so much over time, and she didn’t know what to believe. Why did she choose to carry such weight for an island that seemed indifferent? Did she have a choice? She closed her eyes and focused on the cold of the night and the quieting street.

She tried to hum one of her songs, but the notes went flat, and her melody was aimless. Any songmage could’ve taken her place in the past. Perhaps one with a stronger conviction and heart than she ever had. Perhaps one with better songmagic.

She wondered if everything around her was thanks to her, or would’ve been the same despite her. She chose to open her eyes and look towards the sky instead.

The dark reds and oranges had turned into purples and deep blues, but the stars and the moon remained hidden from her. She knew that even if she could see them, they would still always be outside her reach. The streets of Rurein grew quieter as the warm colors of the sky disappeared completely.

She then looked south, and thought about Port Hyuni. It was the last act of Lullaby that she believed was truly good. She protected Auremaru and took the blame to maintain the peace… Maybe if she could see something she had done other than Rurein, her wounds would be soothed. Maybe Lullaby had really done something good.

She fixed her eyes directly towards the south.