A tentative life

Oh, what an embarrassing thing it is to have the doors to the bullet train close right in front of your face, when you are already running twenty minutes late and have a thirty-minute journey more… for your first day of university. Flocks of people crowded the train station. Suzume found it impossible to traverse the underground station, let alone pack herself into the railcar. The man in front of her slid between the closing doors and she could swear he glanced back at her with a smug smirk and his breath fogged the window. Her face drained of color, as she watched the train take off at unfathomable speeds, leaving her stranded, surrounded by men in suits, speaking on the phone with briefcases in their free hands. One of them opened mid-stride and the man hunched down to gather his scattered papers. Children isolated in groups in the corners, gossiping in hushed voices. Their large, heavy rucksacks made them look like turtles, she thought, remembering her own school days. Women in uniforms passed by her, lost in their own thoughts. Curses erupted not only from her, but also from the people behind her, who needed to catch that specific train by any means necessary. Despite the crowded environment, the air remained fresh and a faint breeze brushed her dark hair from the escalator nearby.

“Damn it.” A hiss next to her caught her attention and her head whirled around to look at the person, who almost sounded like he spoke to her. A gust of breeze crashed into her chest and knocked the air from her lungs. Her heart retched painfully; stomach dropped with the feeling of nostalgia. A tall man, about her age, holding a half-eaten stick of fried tofu between long, slender fingers. His other hand, he tucked in his pocket.

A single red bulb, suspended on a slender stem. A dozen thin, thread-like spider legs protruding from the bulb… She screamed and hid behind aunt Tamao in horror. And the awkward hand, which presented it to her like an offering trembled. The boyish face flushed crimson in embarrassment and his messy, black locks with white ends, like a fox tail, fell from either side of his face to cast shadows in front of his eyes.

Who was that boy, who tried to give her a spider lily? When did it happen? The feelings of confusion made her agonize with unanswered questions, whether the base of her nostalgia was only an illusion or a memory she believed irrelevant enough to forget. How painful the yearning is for a life one may have never lived… Kyoshu… The pain becomes unbearable when the wonder locks one’s body in place, forcing them to ponder things that never existed and only when the mystery is solved did the demon of kyoshu release them.

“I needed that train.” His bored face turned around to look at her and what she saw then made her knees buck not because of some love at first sight nonsense she would find in a romance novel. No… This man looked almost uncanny in his refined, unnatural beauty. His face with prominent, defined cheekbones tapered toward a narrow jaw and sharp chin. Sly, narrow eyes stared down at her with calculation.

“Are you wearing contacts?” she asked bluntly, lost in the tarnished golden color of those alluring eyes. Thin lips quirked into a smirk she almost missed, because of how quickly it disappeared. Her own face flushed red in embarrassment from her own stupid question.

“I would suppose golden eyes aren’t a natural eye color.” He snorted, eyes gleaming with sarcasm. His hand brushed through the silky strands of black hair, dyed white mid-length.

“You must be a cosplayer, then!” She exclaimed.

“And you must be a provincial.” Ah, the bold accusation landed without a doubt in her narrow, closed-off heart from a small town in the province, from where she had never left before. The blush intensified. Her mouth opened and closed, akin to a fish, until she decided she had nothing to defend herself with and looked down in shame. “So, you are. Where are you from?” Now, his words tightened like barbed wire on her embarrassed little heart.

“Nagatoro…” Her voice hardly penetrated the roar of trains and human voices. He didn’t laugh or mock her. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and took a bite from the fried tofu, making her believe he forgot about her existence.

“You must be a student.” He mused; mouth full. “The next train to Etchujima station shouldn’t be late from now.” The boy turned on his heels and strode over to a nearby metal bench. Suzume followed him out of instinct. She slumped on the grated metal, defeated, and buried her hands in her hair.

“How did you know that’s where I’m going?”

Another nonchalant shrug of the shoulders answered her. “I didn’t. I was just guessing.” He paused. “The university of marine science and technology?” Those eyes scanned her again with unconcealed humor at her shock.

“I won’t tell you that. You’re a stranger!” Suzume barked, crossing her arms over her chest in disdain and stared him down, trying to mimic the intensity of his gaze.

“Are you sure?” The dumbfounded betrayal, which briefly crinkled the corners of his eyes made her second guess her own thoughts again and her body locked up. “I’m Arihira.” His head bowed, but she sensed the mockery of it. “There. We aren’t strangers now.”

“Why do you want to know where I study so bad?”

“Because I study there, silly goose.” For the third time, he managed to embarrass her without an ounce of effort.

“Then… then…” she stuttered out. “Just say that!”

Arihira reached out his hand. She flinched away, but he only tapped her on the shoulder several times. “Come on. The train is here.”

The ride they spent in silence. Both of them remained standing, with Suzume holding onto one of the handrails, while Arihira appeared to be focused on the sticks of fried tofu, which popped out of his lunchbox one after the other, making her believe that that box had a never-ending supply of the golden treat. “You never asked me what’s my name.” Her voice finally made him grace her with a glance of attention.

“Why would I ask you that?”

“Because I never told it to you.” She answered stubbornly. “It’s Suzume.”

“Sparrow…” He eyed her again with a strange, unreadable look she felt the need to blush from. The train screeched to a halt at the next stop. So far, every stop was smooth, but this time, the sharpness of the halt made her jerk forward, the inertia making her stumble to find balance again and hit her head and torso right against his chest. Arihira caught her by instinct and the two froze, caught off guard by the violent motion, left speechless and Suzume – red faced.

“Excuse me…” a timid voice brought her back to reality. A young girl with a meek, awkward smile, contrasting the angry scowling crowd behind her. Sunlight glared through the windows and obscured her face from her already bad, farsighted vision. “Are you going to get off?” Suzume looked around. They had stumbled right in front of the door and blocked it off to keep every passenger from descending and getting on with their lives.