Catastrophic Performance

The ringing in Kieran’s ears hadn’t faded before he turned around. Smoke drifted through the clearing in thick, curling trails, carrying the sharp scent of molten stone with it. Small pieces of debris continued to tumble down from the surrounding cliffs clicking and bouncing across the uneven ground.

For a moment, he saw nothing but haze, then the smoke began to clear. He froze.

Standing several yards behind them was a girl in the center of the crater the last explosion created. No, girl wasn’t the right word. She was probably closer to his age if he had to guess, but the amount of glitter covering her made it hard to tell.

There was nothing ordinary about the way she was dressed. Her outfit was a chaotic arrangement of bright fabrics, layered skirts, ribbons and decorative pieces that seemed completely unsuited for climbing through the mountains. A short cape fluttered dramatically behind her despite there being almost no wind, while glittering ornaments had been attached to nearly every part of her clothing. A small hat sat slightly off the side of her head with more tassels decorating it as well.

In one hand, she held an ornate staff nearly as tall as she was. The other was raised toward the sky while a small flame danced above her palm.

“Ah…” Her voice seemed to resonate across the entire clearing as if amplified by some unseen force.

Kieran tightened his grip around his spear as the others took up defensive stances near him. The girl slowly lowered her head and opened her eyes. They sparkled like emeralds as she stared out over the adventurers before her. Then a smile spread over her face.

“So you’ve finally arrived!” She called out to them.

Luna stayed where she was, making herself as small as possible against Kieran’s spine. Seraphina seemed to move further into his shadow while keeping her hand ready at her dagger. Akane simply stared. She had lowered her sword and cocked a brow in confusion.

Without warning, the girl spread both of her arms wide. “Welcome! My beloved audience!”

Nobody moved. Kieran simply blinked and waited. A gust of wind swept through the clearing.

The girl remained frozen in her pose, her smile unwavering. Then slowly she swept her eyes over her surroundings, seeing all of the adventurers still and waiting for her next move.

Her brow twitched. “...Well?” she huffed and crossed her arms over her chest, her brows knitted together in frustration.

Kieran glanced at his party. Only Seraphina glanced back as Luna was still hidden and Akane was dumbstruck staring. Neither seemed to know what they were supposed to do.

The girl’s expression twitched. She began stamping her heeled boot repeatedly into the scorched earth. “You all are supposed to cheer!” Her voice rang out louder than before. When she finished her brief tirade, she was left scowling with a grinding jaw and an angry slant to her eyes.

“Uhh…” Luna carefully poked her head over Kieran’s shoulder, “Yay?”

The glower across the strange girl’s face instantly vanished and was replaced by a bright and shining smile. Much like the one she had previously, but bolder.

“Yes!” She snapped a finger directly at Luna and gave a wink, “Exactly! Finally, someone around here who understands true artistry!”

Kieran could only stare as his shoulders went slightly slack. This was the Catastrophe-class mage?

Before anyone could say another word, she suddenly spun around, sending the layers of her extravagant outfit swirling behind her. She lifted her staff high into the air. “Then allow me to welcome you properly to today’s performance!”

Kieran’s stomach dropped. “Wait-” But he was cut short.

The entire sky flashed in a myriad of colors at once. A deafening explosion erupted above them sending a shockwave down that caused them all to flinch.

A massive sphere of fire bloomed high over the clearing before bursting apart into dozens of smaller flames of different colors. They scattered across the sky in streaks like falling stars before disappearing harmlessly into the distance.

Kieran stared upward with a slacked jaw. The heat from the blast was singeing his eyes but he couldn’t look away.

The girl finished her twirl and finished with two fingers spread by her eyes, a cute wink and a slight bend at the waist. “Pretty, wasn’t it?”

Nobody answered. They all just watched her in stupefied silence.

Her brow twitched again. “Alright,” she huffed again, straightening back up again. “Tough crowd. I’ll just have to wow you with the best part of the show.”

Without waiting another second, she opened her mouth and began to sing.

What followed, Kieran could not find the words to describe. He had heard the dying cries of several monsters, guttural and squelching. Those were all more pleasant and calming than what she was emanating from somewhere deep in her.

Her voice was loud, painfully off-key, and completely disconnected from whatever melody she apparently believed she was performing. Yet she sang without hesitation, spinning through the clearing as she raised her staff high.

Each time she struck a pose, another spell shot into the sky. Each one exploded higher above them than the last causing the mountains to tremble beneath their feet. The lights seemed to follow whatever rhythm she was trying to create but it was far too chaotic for Kieran to keep his eyes on it for much longer.

In a moment to take stock of his party, he turned back to them over his shoulder. Akane’s ruby eyes were locked on the fire in the sky as she stayed completely still. Seraphina had also stopped and watched, her hand falling away from her dagger. Luna was doing her best to keep her ears as flat against her head as possible. The combination of the constant explosions and terribly singing must be significantly worse on her sensitive ears.

And somehow, right on cue, they all turned to face him at once. Waiting, trusting. They knew he would take care of this.

Kieran felt cold beads of sweat begin running down the back of his neck in trails. There was absolutely no way they could fight this woman if she tried. Not even close. If one of those spells was turned towards them it would have erased the entire party, letting alone half of the mountain. And judging by the smile on her face, she hadn’t even started the real show yet.

He forced himself to breathe as the mage continued her performance as though they weren’t even there. Another ball of flame shot from the end of her staff, streaming high into the sky before bursting apart. Dozens of smaller sparks scattered across the clouds, each leaving a glowing trail behind it of rainbow shimmers.

It was beautiful. And that was the worst part. From a distance, it might have been mistaken for a festival display. Up close, however, Kieran could feel the heat radiating from every spell. And he knew that if those flames had fallen into the clearing instead of the sky, there wouldn’t have been enough left of them to bury in one grave.

“Wonderful!” The mage threw both arms into the air as another spell began forming above her.

This one was big. Much larger than any before. A circle of crimson light spread across the sky, slowly rotating and pulsing as layers of magical symbols appeared throughout it. The sheer amount of mana gathering in the air made Kieran’s skin prickle and his fingers tighten around his spear.

Quickly, he thought of anything he could do at that moment. Perhaps they could rush her? Akane was fast enough to close the distance, and Seraphina could follow behind her while Luna stayed back and provided support.

The thought died almost as quickly as it appeared. The mage raised her staff, and the spell above them rippled and faded.

Kieran’s heart stopped, waiting to see what she would do next. A moment later, the mage snapped her fingers, and a series of explosions erupted along the mountainside. One blast followed another, until nearly a dozen explosions had torn across the rocky slope. Each one sent a plume of fire, dust and stone into the air, and the sound rolled through the valley like thunder.

He stared with trembling eyes as he watched the destruction rain down around them. She hadn’t even needed to aim at them. She was throwing spells around simply because she could. There was no strategy he could think of that would allow them to contend with that randomness. Even if they somehow reached her, one mistake would be enough to end the battle before it began. And if she decided to stop playing around, he didn’t want to imagine what would happen.

“Don’t worry, everyone!” The mage suddenly called out to them.

Kieran turned toward her and found her standing with one hand pressed against her chest while the other held her staff dramatically toward the sky.

“I won’t disappoint my audience!”

And with that, she began to sing again. And somehow, it was worse than before.

The words were almost impossible to make out beneath the terrible melody, but she seemed to be completely satisfied with herself. She spun in place, sending her ribbons and cape fluttering around her as another spell formed overhead.

Kieran continued watching her. Something about this didn’t make sense. It wasn’t the magic that was bothering him. It was her. She hadn’t looked at them once.

Every time she cast a spell, her eyes remained fixed on the sky. Wherever she sang, she looked out over some imaginary crowd lining the mountains. And even when she spoke to them, it felt as though she were addressing an audience rather than four people standing only a few yards away.

Slowly, Kieran lowered his spear as the mage continued her song. Another spell flashed overhead, and she didn’t even seem to notice that he had stopped preparing for a fight.

Carefully, he took one step forward. And nothing happened. She continued to sing, spreading her arms heavensward and twirling once. He took another. Still, she kept up her performance.

Cautiously, he glanced back at the others. Seraphina’s eyes had widened, her hands were still covering her mouth. Akane’s gaze had steadily shifted from the spectacle above to her master and then on to the mage and back again. Luna’s ears had perked up slightly as she watched him through winced eyes with growing curiosity.

Kieran raised a finger to his lips and turned back towards the mage who continued belting out her aria without interruption.

Now that he was closer, He could see the faint blush across her cheeks as she performed. A slight sheen of sweat from all of her efforts reflected the lights in the skies across her skin. She was completely absorbed in what she was doing, apparently convinced that she was putting on the greatest show the mountains had ever seen.

His eyes moved toward her staff. It was almost as tall as she was, with ornate metal wrapped around its length and a large crystal set into the top. The crystal pulsed every color of the rainbow with each spell she cast, glowing brighter each time another burst of magic filled the sky.

His eyes lingered on it for a moment before flicking back to the mage. She was completely absorbed in her performance, leaving herself almost entirely open. His heartbeat quickened as an idea formed in his head. It was a terrible idea. Quite possibly the worst idea he had ever concocted. However, every other option involved fighting a Catastrophe-class mage head on.

Compared to that, this one seemed almost reasonable.

Kieran took one more careful step forward as the mage raised her staff toward the sky. He reached for it and it surprisingly came free with little effort.

For a moment the mage continued her performance, the song reaching its grand conclusion.

“Behold,” she triumphantly cheered as she threw one arm toward the sky. For a moment, only silence filled the air as the rumbling of her explosions had ceased. Slowly her smile faded, and gradually she opened one eye. Slowly she realized that in her hand was only empty air.

“...Behold?” she repeated once as she pulled her arm down and studied her empty palms. Blinking, she looked up to see Kieran right in front of her, apparently just noticing him for the first time.

“Where’s my–?”

She did not get a chance to finish her question as Kieran answered it for her. With one single strike, he brought her staff down over the top of her head.

BONK!

“OW!” Instantly the mage dropped into a crouch, clutching the top of her head with both hands. “That hurt!”

Kieran silently stared down at her while she tended to her wounded skull. For all the power she had displayed moments ago, the mage suddenly looked less like a Catastrophe and more like someone who had just been scolded by a parent.

“You hit me with my own staff!” She mumbled through starting sobs, “You meanie!”

Kieran stared at her, “You were about to blow up the mountain.”

“That was the finale!” She bellowed with tears streaming down her face. Then she thrust out her hand gripping at the air with an upturned palm. “Please give it back.”

Kieran’s eyes narrowed. “No, not until you promise to stop.”

The mage’s mouth fell open. She had completely stopped for a second before resuming the waterworks with full force. Like a child she rolled on her back and swung her arms around in the air. Kieran could only sigh and take a firmer grasp on the ornate staff while shaking his head in disgust.

She opened one eye while still crying. Then she stopped once again. This time, she silently got onto her knees. Carefully, she placed her hands out before her with great reverence. Then with all of her might she slammed her forehead against the rocky surface of the clearing.

“Please!” she wailed at the top of her lungs, “Please return my staff to me!”

Kieran sighed again, “No.”

“Please!” she slammed her head down again, “Kind and merciful Adventurer!”

“No.”

“O, great and noble Warrior!”

“No.”

“Magnificent and handsome Gentleman?”

Kieran’s eyebrow twitched.

“I’ll do anything!” She wailed again.

“If you want it back, you have to make a promise.” Kieran shook his head, already not liking the deal he was offering. But the mage sprung to her heels while still down low, her arms up in front of her while she patiently waited for her half of the bargain.

“No more spells.”

Her heart sank. She fell to her side like a slain corpse, her spirit leaking from her mouth. “B-but… My audience.”

“What audience?” Kieran pinched the bridge of his nose.

“They are watching…” she mumbled while averting her eyes to anywhere but on him, “In spirit….”

A cold wind passed through the clearing, carrying a faint rumble from somewhere deep within the mountains. Kieran sighed, feeling his shoulders droop from exhaustion.

“Look, I don’t care what you call it. Performance, concert, whatever. Your spells are driving monsters out of the mountains, and those monsters are coming down into the woods.”

She froze with a gasp, as if an arrow had pierced her heart. “Y-you can’t p-p-possibly be asking a-a star l-l-like me to stop sh-shining…”

Kieran’s patience thinned another bit. Gritting his teeth, he crouched down to meet her on her level.

“I’m just asking a mage to stop blowing things up.”

The mage wrapped herself up in a ball by grabbing her knees tight against her chest. With pouted cheeks, she huffed while turning away, “You’re a meanie…”

Kieran could only sigh and look back at his party still watching from where he had left them. All of their faces were awestruck and glittering with excitement.

“Big Bro took down the Catastrophe.” Luna bounced on her heels in excitement.

“I wouldn’t say that.”

“And you did it without drawing your weapon,” Akane mused with an approving smile and a hand on her chin.

“I hit her with her own staff.”

“A decisive tactic.”

“Sera… help…”

Seraphina only smiled and clapped her hands together in front of her. “Good work from our brave leader.”

“Not you too…”