The Secret

Sigh.

I woke up again... sadly.

Why am I waiting to die? What do I gain from dying?

Oh, I know. It's simple. I get to be alone... But aren't I already alone?

I glance out the window of my apartment.

Everything works just fine today too. Kids going to school, couples going out for coffee, people working hard to earn money. They can deal with all of that without me too, so why do I even matter?

My life consists mainly of that question.

It's not that I'm a shut-in or anything, but I get the feeling that I was made to not fit into this society.

Ahh... My head hurts when I think about all that stuff. I should get ready for my 9-to-5.

I work at a convenience store. It's a five-minute walk from my house. I hate my job. It's not like that was unexpected, but I should at least be honest about it.

My boss's name is Takemi. He's a guy who's full of himself. He thinks so highly of himself, like he's above me—like some sort of god.

When I arrive at the convenience store, Takemi calls out to me.

"Hey, Nozomi, come to the back. I'll introduce you to your new colleague."

Sigh.

Great, that's exactly what I needed.

I put my backpack on the table near the entrance and head to the staff room.

"Takemi, I told you I don't want to work with anyon—"

Just when I was about to finish my sentence, my eyes locked onto a girl. She had very pretty eyes, like I could get lost in them.

"Nozomi, you're late again. And don't think I won't take it out of your pay."

Just when I was about to scream at Takemi, the girl grabbed my hand.

"Haiii! Nice to meet you, future partner! My name is Shizuku," she said with a sincere smile.

I froze. Never in my life had I met someone with that much emotion.

"Nice to meet you too. I'm Nozomi."

"Ohh, our names sound so poetic," she replied.

When I was about to ask what she meant, Takemi stepped in and told us to get to work.

He gave me the hardest tasks, as usual: taking out the garbage, mopping the floor, cleaning dirty toilets... Meanwhile, Shizuku stood at the register and served customers.

I'm not a misogynistic guy, but how is this fair?

At closing time, I told Shizuku that she could leave and that I would close the store. She glanced at me with a sad expression.

"Sorry that you had to do all the dirty work by yourself. We can grab something to eat if you want."

I guess she's the classic type—kind to everyone. When a girl is kind to me, she's probably kind to everyone else too, because I consider myself one of the lowest of the low.

"No, thank you for the offer, though. You should get your stuff and head home," I replied.

"No, I can't accept that. Are you busy tomorrow?"

"Yes," I replied while picking some trash off the floor.

"What about the day after?" she asked again.

"Yes."

Ahhh, what are you even busy with for that many days?

"Reading manga and staying at home," I replied with a straight face.

"Ugh, I guess I should head home now. See you tomorrow."

I don't know why, but something had been on my mind—her words.

She called our names poetic. I should at least ask her what she meant by that.

"Hey, wait. What did you mean when you said that our names are poetic?"

Just as she was about to leave, the doors of the convenience store opened. But she didn't walk through them. Instead, she turned toward me and said,

"S-E-C-R-E-T."

Then she ran off.

I was annoyed by her. How could someone waste so much breath talking to me? She was someone I could never understand.

I finally arrived home. Now I can be completely alone without anyone bothering me.

RING.

Huh?

Who could be calling me?

I picked up the phone and saw an unknown number. I didn't answer, thinking it was probably some ad for a stupid product.

RING.

Okay, that's enough. I'll answer and scream at them.

"I DON'T WANT YOUR STUPID PRODUCT!"

I was out of breath, but I didn't hang up because I wanted to hear the operator's reaction.

Instead, I heard a girl's laugh.

"Haha, it's Shizuku. The girl from the convenience store, remember?"

"Huh? Shizuku? How the hell do you have my number?"

"Takemi gave it to me, heh. I just wanted to call you to see if you closed the store safely."

"Yeah, of course I did. I've been doing that for years."

"Ohh, yeah, my bad, haha. Okay, I'll leave you be, Nozomi."

She hung up.

Why did she even call me?

She's not stupid enough to think I'd screw something up at work, so there must have been another reason for her to call a good-for-nothing like me.

I get up to make ramen while thinking about her.

Ah, forget it.

I hate girls like her, thinking they can have everything and everyone just by acting kind. I hate how this world operates on feelings. People think they need human warmth just so they don't feel cold.That idea alone is stupid.

While staring at myself in the mirror, I can see a face -a human face.

But what are the components of a human face? I've always wondered about that. Two eyes, a nose, a mouth... Arrange them in the right places, and somehow people convince themselves that there's a person behind them.

I don't understand how people can be fooled by something so pitiful.

They look at a smile and assume happiness. They see tears and assume sadness. As if moving a few muscles is enough to reveal what's happening inside them.

I stare into my own eyes for a little longer.

They look human enough.

So why don't they feel like mine?