A Prisoner's Despair

At what point had Maira drifted off?

She glanced around the dark room with a burning throat. She’d dreamt of the comfort of the chapel and the warm smiles within, but awakened to the nightmare of reality. Cold, white stone walls stretched around her. She thought nothing of the bed beneath. How she’d ever felt any comfort in such a place was beyond her.

Not that it mattered anymore.

Sunlight turned to starlight and back to sunlight through the tall arched window of her chambers. It cycled two, three times? Maria wasn’t sure. There was no point counting the days.

After a while, tears dried up.

She remained in bed most of days. She barely registered whenever the young guard entered and swapped out untouched trays of food and water.

Her mind would return to the moment she surrendered to Vane’s forces; convinced that if she went with them, everything would be better. All would be safe. She remembered falsely reassuring everyone. Now, her companions were gone. The chapel was gone. And her loved ones within…

Maria clutched her chest. She didn’t want to think of it anymore. She didn’t want to feel anymore.

I’m sorry…

She stared blankly at the ceiling. The painted murals were barely visible. Just beneath, at the wall above her bed, she noticed a faint glow. One she’d seen before; it trickled in from a small vent, though she never paid it any mind. She ignored it, along with the occasional murmur that came muffled through the wall.

A familiar knock broke the silence, but Maria remained fixed in bed. The young guard had returned. He glanced at the dinner tray laying untouched at the table by the entrance.

Hopefully the food isn’t going to waste.

She hadn’t had much of an appetite. Or really, any desire to even stand.

“Still not eating?” the young guard asked.

It wasn’t his first time returning to find the food tray the same as it was left. It’d been the same the past few days. For breakfast, lunch and dinner, Maria hardly glanced at the direction.

“And yet you lectured me about not having a proper meal,” he said.

Maria replied with silence. But eventually, her voice broke through. “Glad to see you’re eating proper.” It came coarse through chapped lips.

“So you say…” the young guard shot her a glance. She sat at the edge of her bed with a blank expression. “How can you tell?”

Her withered eyes finally met the young guard.

“I guess… I can’t.”

The young guard picked up the food tray. Not even a sip of water had been taken from the mug. His gaze lingered before turning his back to head out, but he remained. Instead, he took one, two, three hesitant steps toward Maria.

Maria looked up as he stood before her. It was the closest she’d ever seen him.

“Sister Maria… You must drink.” He held out the mug of water.

“I’m fine…”

Maria ignored her dry mouth. Her eyes lingered on the young guard's hand. It quivered softly as he held the mug.

“Are you afraid of me?” she asked.

He turned his face away. She couldn’t blame him. He might as well have been standing in the presence of a monster. One disguised as a nun, too foolish to realize what she truly was until all she loved had burned.

He didn’t answer her question, instead he forced himself to meet her lifeless amber eyes.

“Please, I insist.”

Surely, his arm would eventually tire from holding out the mug. But even after time passed in silence, Maria didn’t reach for it. Still, the young guard stood firm by her side with his offer.

Maria didn’t say anything. She couldn’t understand how it would please him, but after a brief hesitation, she took the mug.

It began with a simple sip. The cool water running down her dry throat somehow made the pain worse. But she took a swig. Then another, until it dripped from her cracked lips.

She broke into a coughing fit from half-choking on heavy gulps. She drank until no drop remained. The water soothed her dry mouth and burning throat. It soothed her coarse voice. But no matter how thankful her body was, it didn’t soothe her heart.

The young guard quietly left.

“Thank you…” she whispered.

She remained sitting at the edge of the bed in the stillness, staring into the empty mug. Her mind drifted to scenes beyond it.

A muffled voice broke through from the wall behind her bed. Though it didn’t matter, she simply laid her head on the pillow and clasped her hands to pray for a pleasant dream.

“Heh.” A suppressed chuckle escaped her lips.

Pray? After what she had done, would the gods even listen? She recalled Kaelan’s words from the day they set out on their journey: I wouldn’t put too much faith in the gods. You’ll just end up with unanswered prayers

She didn’t really consider his words at the time, but now they rung true.

The muffled voice came again. Maybe the water had cleared her mind enough to hear better.

“Are you listening?” the voice said, “It’s not your fault.”

“Of course it is.”

“...So you finally respond.”

A familiar subtle glow crept in from the vent overhead.

“Come to the light…” the voice said.

But Maria never did. She pulled the blanket over her shoulders and after long silence, the warm glow from the vent eventually flickered out into darkness.

***

The next two days blurred together and Vane made his return some time in between. It was unceremonious. He stood at the edge of the room in a quiet calmness.

Maria forced herself to ask, one last time. “Why?”

Vane spoke with a measured voice. “Because you would not have surrendered otherwise.”

She snickered. Instead of arguing back, that small condescending laugh was the only thing to escape her lips. Because, deep down, she knew he was right. Maria felt no anger, nor fear, nor much of anything. Her heart had long numbed.

Vane spoke of a catastrophic threat sleeping deep beneath the Grand Cathedral's roots that spread out into the Holy Capital. He claimed thousands of lives would perish if her divine magic was not offered to stabilize the seal.

The reason she still remained.

But what point was there in heeding the words of such a man? But she had nothing left. If there was even a slither of a chance that such lies could help prevent another tragedy, there was no point refusing.

“Very well,” she simply said.

Maria was soon cuffed in once more, but the burning on her wrists no longer even registered.

***

Another few days came and went. Maria lay in the darkness as a cool breeze blew through the window making her shiver. Her body felt heavier, ever since she agreed to Vane’s ritual.

She still remembered the cold descent from the first time, now it’d become routine.

They led her down endless spiraling staircases that opened to a large sanctum. Vane stayed a cautious distance as the ritual magic circle flared to life, drawing divine magic from her chest until her knees buckled against the stone. She offered no resistance. There was no reason to. If lucky, maybe her powers could still be of use and keep people from suffering.

Maria ignored the chilly breeze and lifted a trembling hand to the ceiling. She tried to conjure even a faint ember of golden light with no luck, she couldn’t even tell if divine mana even flowed within her anymore.

Perhaps the gods took away the mistake they’d forgotten. It’d be unfortunate for Vane, for those he claimed to want to protect, but it’d be for the best.

Within the darkness, a faint glow came anew from the vent above. A familiar muffled voice soon followed.

“Are you there, Sister Maria?”

She sat up. “How do you know of me?”

“The walls can only hold back so much noise.”

“Of course. I’m sorry for the trouble,” she said. “Hopefully I’ll be out of your way soon enough… Gone for good.”

“That would be much more troublesome.”

“I doubt it.”

“Then, Sister, if it’s not much trouble… would you mind taking a peek through the vent?”

“...Why?”

“I believe we are acquainted. Seeing a familiar face would surely bring me some much needed joy.”

Maria hesitated, but a sudden ruckus and groan from the other side forced her up. She peeked through the vent. The light came from a lantern within the neighboring room.

The space was not unlike her own, another gilded cage.

“Are you okay—?”

Maria’s eyes widened.

It was an older man in a fancy white robe. A golden-trimmed hat lay on the nightstand beside him. On his left hand, he wore a familiar ring; gold with a white stone and an engraving of the great goddess's crest.

He gave a nervous chuckle. “My apologies, Sister, I’m quite fine… all things considered.” He held a warm smile and kind eyes. “But thank you for finally showing your face.”

It almost seemed like a lifetime again; the kind older man who had visited her in the chapel. She hadn’t even realized who he was back then. But now she knew, he was far too recognizable by the time she arrived in the Holy Capital.

“Pope Adrian Luzialo…” she muttered.

He gave a small nod. “I am… or, was. Until High Inquisitor Vane locked me in the dark. Now, I’m just a fellow prisoner, but one who has grown tired of listening to his lies.”

Maria remained standing on the bed without word. The lantern light from the vent illuminated her face, her gaze held a hint of something beyond another blank stare.