Epilogue: Between Hero and Loser (End of Volume 1)

It had been two weeks since that incident happened.

Second by second felt so slow. Questions and mixed feelings like tangled threads that were hard to unravel seemed to ensnare me without being able to let go.

Lonely? Tired? Frustrated? Angry?

I wasn't sure what this feeling was. All I knew was, I had been daydreaming more often lately, staring at the view outside the window with emptiness.

Tachibana Haruki.

If asking about him, that feminine boy, he was never seen again. The first-year attendance book that I accidentally saw showed his name always marked absent. No permission, no news, just skipping without reason.

Along with that, news about many teenage children disappearing simultaneously began to be widely discussed in public spaces. The government even issued a contest for anyone who could find those missing children.

Of course no one came. And it seemed no one ever would. Those who knew would surely keep that secret to themselves. While those who didn't know would keep searching even though what they found later would only be a dead end. Without connection to the mirror world, Fearborn, and hero incarnations, all of it would ultimately just become street rumors disappearing crushed by time.

Maybe now the internet was still discussing it exhaustively. Online detectives, or at least people acting like detectives, began revealing various kinds of ridiculous, conflicting theories.

For those who knew the truth, only a cynical smile would be etched on their lips.

However with this interconnected news, for anyone who knew, it was already clear what was happening behind the scenes. Besides, the meeting with Rena, who was the granddaughter of the organization's chairman, had shared a lot of information about our encounter with Krampus and the dark apostle. That forced them to take immediate action.

Tirta, who had previously been operating on his own, was now assigned to lead the hunt for dark apostles and simultaneously capture Krampus in his spare time.

Krampus might have realized it, because to ensure his dark apostles were safe from the hunt, he might hide them somewhere only he knew the exact location of. Moreover, he wouldn't want to lose combat power before the peak of his plan arrived on Christmas night.

Yes. Christmas.

Because Krampus's myth was close to Christmas, his power would surely multiply when Christmas night arrived. Who knew what kind of terrible thing he could do when that December twenty-fifth arrived.

Yes. All of this must be part of his plan.

As for me, these days passed too ordinarily, almost like without meaning. A boring repeating routine.

Waking up in the morning and destroying, ekhem, I mean turning off the alarm clock. Going to school in the morning with Rena in comfortable awkwardness. Going to the cafeteria and letting Ichinose's nagging go in one ear and out the other.

Then the night continued with closing gates that opened from the mirror world. And if none opened, I just spent the rest of the night studying or sleeping. Occasionally maybe pondering, though I myself wasn't so sure what I was actually pondering all this time.

By the way, every time I thought about or was just near Rena, my palm often moved to caress my cheek. That slap had long passed, but until now the pain seemed to still linger every time I remembered it.

About myself who had always hated heroes, almost swallowed and becoming a hero who acted only based on selfishness.

Without that slap, I would truly have changed into the 'hero' I hated.

I let out a heavy sigh.

"In the end, I'm just a loser, huh..."

A thin smile spread.

"That's better than having to become a hero."

I leaned my back against the chair. Folding my hands behind my head, watching the setting sun radiating its golden light into the empty classroom.

Yes. Here I was. Alone in the classroom abandoned since the last bell rang. Waiting for someone who would arrive soon.

The door opened lightly, the albino girl entered while wiping the sweat still streaming on her forehead. She immediately approached me.

"Waiting long?"

"No," I answered, briefly.

I got up and slung my bag. Rena smiled faintly then followed my steps that had walked ahead. Since when, we didn't just leave together, but also started going home together.

Sometimes, I had to wait for her to finish her business at the sword dojo club. Sometimes waiting in class while daydreaming like earlier, sometimes also waiting in the library while reading books.

We never made promises to each other, but naturally chose to go home together. Waiting for each other without ever once asking, 'why?' or 'for what?'

"Daydreaming again?"

"Yes."

"Lately you like to daydream. What are you thinking about?"

"The meaning of being a hero."

"That again? You think too much about things that are already clear, Yuuki-san."

"What's clear about it? A few weeks ago I almost killed to cleanse evil. Almost became a 'great person' who thought justice could only be created through his hands. On the other hand, what's the difference between me and Tachibana then? Is it just because of my label as a 'hero' in the past or something else?"

Rena fell silent, shifting her gaze elsewhere.

"I... can't answer that."

A cynical smile spread on my lips. "Besides, if the meaning of hero is clear. Then what do you think is the actual duty of a hero?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Rena raised her eyebrow. "Of course about doing good. Helping people. And doing other noble things. Like what we often do behind the shadows of the mirror world, right?"

My lips still curved cynically.

"Too simple," I said. "Zhu Ge Liang burned agricultural produce to cut off his enemies' logistics for victory and to make the people of Shu Han happy. While on the other side, many innocent people of Wu or Wei suffered, even died. Is that called a hero?"

Rena fell silent.

"Napoleon revolutionized France from the dictatorship of its corrupt nobles. He continued to fulfill his ambition to wage war for the land and glory of the French people, who for hundreds of years suffered because of corruption and colonization. When he tried to retaliate, the world instead mocked him and opposed him. Is that what you mean by a hero?"

Once again, she didn't answer.

"Then, the most recent example, Tachibana Haruki. Wasn't he just wanting to free the world from bullies. Isn't that a noble goal? Then why isn't he called a hero?"

Rena locked her mouth even tighter.

My cynical curve grew wider.

"In the end, heroes and villains might just be one side of a coin that can only be seen from different perspectives. Without conflict, murder, and others, heroes might never exist."

Something unexpected happened.

Rena suddenly laughed.

"What are you..."

"Sorry, sorry." She wiped the tears that seeped out. Slowly, her laughter faded, then looked at me with a smile full of understanding. "You're like Tirta. Your words are exactly the same as his."

"Really?"

She nodded firmly. "Not one bit less. In fact, it feels like maybe you could try confiding in him instead of me."

"Oh, damn. He'll drain all my money later."

Once again, Rena chuckled. I could only roll my eyes.

As that laughter faded, she suddenly stopped right in front of me. Her gaze became dimmer. Her voice became deeper, softer, and gentle.

"You know, I might not agree about heroes with you. But..."

Her hand moved slowly, caressing my cheek gently. Her intoxicating body scent entered my nostrils. Her sincere smile had crumbled something that had been built deep within my soul.

"Do what you want without being burdened by your past as a hero. You stopped Tachibana because of your own desire. Because of something you considered right. You've been trying to save Sakura until now. Maybe you don't realize it, but you keep saving and protecting many people with all your actions. No need to worry about who you are. Remember, you are you. Do what you consider right. Act on the basis of yourself, not the hero residing in your body."

My gaze softened too. My hand unconsciously moved, cupping her hand still attached to my cheek. My fingers gripped it gently and with a little hesitation, like someone touching warmth for the first time after being cold for so long.

However, my lips had unconsciously answered what I didn't want to admit.

A thin smile spread there. My burden was much reduced. It felt like, that little answer gave me calmness. As if reborn.

I looked at her once again.

"Thank you, Rena."

"You're welcome."

We lowered our hands. Warm gazes became the only way to communicate. After that, we walked home together. No need to hold hands, no need to talk, just walking together until eventually we would part at the crossroads.

Thanks to Rena, I became aware of what I wanted to do.

I looked up for the last time, staring at the vast blue sky stretching to infinity. It felt like, the clouds above me no longer seemed to mock, instead seemed to encourage me.

Just like this life. No one really cared whether I was a hero or a loser. What existed was only me, my steps, and the people still standing by my side.

And for now... that was more than enough.

"Sakura... would definitely tell me the same thing."


Author Note: 

I would like to express my deepest gratitude to those of you who read this novel to the end.

To be honest, I often had difficulty developing the story's direction, requiring several revisions. And frankly, I realize there are still many shortcomings in each of my writings. But thank you for reading.