Senpai Never Was, Part I

The day started like any other.

And I mean it. I’m not a sappy poet like others who try to get fame on social media like MINE, or Chattok…

I’m just me.

But even as I am, I still have a morning routine.

Tidying up my bed, combing my hair, taking a bath, then adding some skincare products. UV lotion, moisturizer, something with “hyaluronic acid”—whatever that means.

Then came the foundation after my skincare finished.

Applying some lip gloss. Mom’s.

I grinned like an idiot.

What are you getting sympathetic for, Maya?

Mom was the first to teach me how to do makeup. Of course, I was, like twelve, but that’s besides the point.

She had told me everything I needed to know.

I wish she could’ve shown me more…

Ok, Maya. Back to the present.

What’s next? Putting on only a few dabs of foundation since I don’t want people thinking I’m some ganguro from Harajuku.

No need for fake lashes. No one would notice anyway.

Finally, I checked if my auburn hair was as wavy as I did.

Not gonna lie, I didn’t make it wavy. It was natural. Just like Mom’s hair was.

It was better that way.

I put my hair clip on, and fashioned my uniform. I didn’t need to unbutton it down, dangling the neckline to show cleavage, not like Yui did.

I put on my skirt. Then my blazer. Then my earrings, which seemed to control itself from making noise.

Thank God.

I went down the stairs once I had finished my routine and got dressed.

“I left some bread for you, sweetie!”

Nice. Dad left some toast. I didn’t need to worry about his cooking.

“Thanks Dad, I’ll be off now.”

“Take care, Maya!”

I took a piece of toast and went off.

~~~

The day continued like any other. Like I had imagined it to be.

I crunched on the toast.

Mmm. It’s delicious.

I should apologize to Dad for being doubtful. Actually, no. He’d smother me with a hug. And I wouldn’t be able to let go.

I laughed, slightly. It’s more like giggling.

He’s so silly for that.

As I walked down the road I usually take going to Taigaku, yes that is the nickname of my school, I overheard a bunch of middle-aged women.

“Oh my, that young girl looks fabulous!”

“I know right?! Is she a model?”

“Possibly! I heard models start young nowadays.”

Ma’am, some Akiba idols go modeling. And they’re my age too…

As much as I snarkily wanted to comment back, I also didn’t mind the conversation they had. Not like I was eavesdropping, they were just that loud for me to hear.

They weren’t the first to comment on that.

Some other neighbors have said something similar, or very closely related.

I learned to just live with it. It was just white noise to me now.

I could let that fly by my head.

What I couldn’t let fly by is that rumor Yui had said. About the girl who had a boyfriend with… unfavorable attitude.

Real or not, the very thought of the relationship made me sick.

As I walked down into the hallway, stares coming periodically towards my pretty face or whatever, I steadily paced myself towards the classroom to my desk.

Yui greeted me. I won’t spare you the details. It was just some small talk. Then as usual, Aoi and Rina came in.

This time, something felt different.

On that day, I saw her.

The girl from the rumors.

Like I had said, the gossip didn’t come from Yui. It came from, and spread to, all of the class. It had even spread outside the class.

As I stared aimlessly into the horizon, I saw her.

Dark hair. Straight, just like mine had been before it became wavy. Her eyes got more bags than designer ones.

Her expression looked like she didn’t wanna be there.

She seemed like a lost puppy.

And she also looked like she was staring at me.

Direct. Eye contact. As if time slowed down. Fate or some other shit. I have no idea.

But one thing’s for sure…

She seemed incredibly troubled.

“Wohh, there she is,” Yui turned to me, whispering. “That’s the girl they’ve been talking about.”

Aoi looked in the direction Yui had been staring at.

“The one with the really toxic boyfie? Man. I feel bad for her.”

Rina kept fidgeting her pen. “Me too. Poor girlie. That’s horrifyin’ ta go through.”

“She couldn’t escape,” Yui continued. “At least from what I heard.”

Yeah no shit.

She looked too scared to even be sitting there.

I didn’t even know her. Like I knew her name and everything, but I just didn’t know her like I knew Yui. Like I knew Aoi or Rina.

But the way she stared at me for a while before she averted her gaze.

There’s something more to it that the gossips weren’t speculating.

Ugh. I didn’t even wanna get into this. I hate drama. I don’t care about rumors. I’d rather just chill and look great while doing so.

But something about her… spoke something to me.

It’s cheesy. I know. I felt myself turning a bit red because of that. I’m embarrassed.

I needed to know.

~~~

The school day didn’t feel as bad as I thought it would. At least the first half. I literally had to hold Yui as she nearly became catatonic trying to think about math concepts.

I wasn’t good at math.

But I was somewhat good at making excuses.

“Are you sure, Mayacchi? We could join you.”

“No, I can manage. You go on ahead. See you guys later.”

Yui waved, Aoi waved too, and Rina just put up a hand.

I waved, emulating Rina.

“Don’t go too far into the nerdy end Maya-chan! Give some smart stuff for us too please!”

“Shut up.” I said, but I laughed. They had gone on as I stood in front of my desk, the shy girl still in front of hers.

It was a lot easier to see now that the other classmates aren’t around.

She was trembling.

And from her scared expression, this might be the one time the gossip could be true.

As much as I didn’t care for gossip, I also sometimes wondered how I could verify them.

I walked up to her, my footsteps slightly muted from the floor.

“Nishikawa.”

The girl perked up. Flinched even. She turned around and looked at me like a deer with headlights.

From there, I saw more details.

Her face was disheveled. It sucks, she looked so cute.

Her hair is way too frizzy. Like no one had combed it in days.

There were multiple creases on her otherwise tidy uniform.

My God. She really did look like a lost puppy. Maybe even an abandoned one. I don’t know, I’d never owned one.

Wait, why am I likening a human to a dog? That’s too cruel even for me.

As my thoughts became discombobulated, I heard her speak up, her voice soft.

“Uhm… I’m… s-sorry… I…”

She backed up a few steps. She’s trying to run from me, isn't she?

“Nishikawa, I…”

“I’m… I’m s-s-sorry, Tsukiyono-san… I-I have to go…”

“Wait…!”

I impulsively grabbed her hand. Her sleeve showing skin underneath, and from the sensations of all my five senses, I couldn’t even begin to describe how in disbelief I was.

Calloused hands. But she’s too frail.

Bruises on her wrist, some on her arm. Not sure how it had been inflicted.

My eyes widened. This wasn’t what I’d thought to see.

Gyah!

She yelped, not loudly, then she yanked her hand away from my grip. She held that hand with her other.

“P-Please d-don’t…”

“What happened, Nishikawa?”

“I… I…” she struggled as she was nearing tears.

“Nishikawa…”

She bolted out, herself nearly tripping as she exited the room.

What… the fuck…

I leaned on the teacher’s desk. I could feel my body giving out as I leaned more. I was in genuine shock.

What the hell was that?

That didn’t look self-inflicted now that I realized.

Who did that to Nishikawa?

Was it the…?

I shook my head and held it going out. Feeling lightheaded as I slowly walked out of the room and out of the school.

~~~

I never meant to scare her. Even if I looked intimidated, I was ultimately genuinely concerned, especially from what I had just seen.

I excused myself once I got back to my house; my Dad didn’t seem to mind.

As I laid down on my bed, I realized I didn’t remove any of my things, as I did.

But I couldn’t think about doing my nightly routine now.

What happened to Nishikawa?

Ugh, this is gonna kill me for the next few days isn’t it?

I should’ve just kept my curious self under wraps. Damn it.

That night as I waddled trying to do my routine, almost half-heartedly due to exhaustion, I laid down on my bed, my arm covering my eyes trying to recall and refresh my chaotic brain.

Nishikawa Haruka.

Shy girl with bruises on her hands and disheveled features.

What the hell happened to you?

I couldn’t sleep that night. Every time I tried, I was haunted by the sight of this meek girl with bruises on her.

I’m not one to care for others.

But I care for people who were being knocked down.

Like when Yui was nearly slapped by some guy who felt like he needed to show his bravado and macho attitude to “noisy women”, I stepped in to prevent that.

“Huh?! Who the hell are you, Missy? You think you’re some hot sh—”

I twisted his wrist as I grabbed it. He winced in pain.

“Keep yapping and you’ll regret it.”

He and his posse ran away. Yui couldn’t keep her hands off of me since then, but I would do anything for my friends.

Nishikawa… wasn’t my friend.

I just knew her from a distance.

But after seeing that, and going with the rumor that she may be…

It just sickens me to the very core.

She may not be my friend, but she might be carrying something. Something wrong; something terrible.

And I couldn’t ignore it.